AIBU to refuse my daughter a debit card for school trips?

[Pinkflamingo98]

Daughter has 3 school trips next week, she apparently got told that the places she will be going are card only and has asked if she can take one of our debit cards. Both me and her dad are very reluctant to do so, we have said we will give her a decent packed lunch with some goodies and a few “nice drinks” but she is dead set on wanting our card. Are we being unreasonable for sticking to saying no and not sending her with any money?
we can’t get her a card as it is far too late for us to be able to set her up one

Get hwr one of those pre-load cards

she will need to buy stuff throughout the day

Or let her take it. You can always freeze your card half way through the day if she’s spending too much

As a parent it is your job to help teach her and prepare her for the world. That involves her having a debit card at this age and being taught responsible use of it. Put restrictions on if necessary and build up to more trust but don’t hold her back by not giving her things she should have at that age.

she needs to right level of independence at the right time to develop appropriately.
knowing what is right can be hard as a parent but that’s why people ask for advice here. You’ve asked so now listen to the advice.

I would guess that 299 children do indeed have their debit cards and your daughter will be the only one. Way too many places are cashless nowadays to let this go forever. A proper debit card is no different from handing her cash.

So now she is going to be the one freeloading off others if they take pity on her not being able to buy anything?

You need to sort out something like a Starling kite space card - it has parental controls so you can restrict how much money she can spend in a day.
Tbh im surprised you havent sorted it for her sooner given she is secondary age, my kids this age have had theirs for years.

You know your own child but I’m not sure this level of control is helpful for teaching responsibility with money. My son’s had his own bank card since he was 6. Initially goHenry and then Monzo. Pocket money is paid in regularly and he’s able to make his own choices about how he spends it. He’s ended up with hundreds of pounds of savings and a ratio split for long term, medium term and current spending. He even voluntarily puts £5 of his weekly pocket money into a post-18 personal independence fund. He does like buy things for his friends when on trips but I’d rather he make those choices now and we discuss, rather than him buying huge rounds etc post-18 where I’ve got zero input or influence.

i think the voting must have taken place before they knew the DDs age. At 12 it would be infantilising if not downright dangerous not to be able to at least buy a cold drink during a day out ( yes I am aware they will have water fountains but what 12 year old is going to want that as an option).

I hear what OP is saying about the behavioural concerns, so just put £10 on the card - get her own Go Henry or Starling - and she only has enough for herself.

Get yourself a revolut card. Add it to her apple pay. Load it with whatever you would give her in cash and once its gone its gone.

Monzo and go Henry are age 6 and above.
Bank accounts from 11.
School probably haven’t spelled it out as it’s highly unusual for a 12 yr old not to have a bank card/card on phone.
Other parents won’t be giving their cards to their dc as they have their own. I’d be very surprised at a 12 year not having a means to pay.
You can put a small amount on her card and explain she’s got enough for 1 slushie.
Getting a slushie etc is usually a big part of a trip, choosing what to have and ordering/paying. It’s making your dd awkward and on the spot and it sounds like she’s struggling socially anyway. I wouldn’t do it to her for sake of giving her £10 on a pre pay card.

Exactly. It sounds like OP is fine for them to have cash and to buy something when she is with her in the shop beforehand, but won't put the same amount onto a card and letting her daughter spend it.
Sounds more like OP wants to dictate what the money can be spent on exactly (perhaps in the shop she can control what DD chooses and she can tell them to put things back if she doesn't agree with it).

Theme parks if you send with enough food and drink and refillable water bottle should technically be fine. I would say the only thing is an option to buy ride photos but most of them have an app thingy to put them onto and buy later.

I would say definitely get her a card though. You’ve been lucky to be able to get away with cash so far I think. So many places now don’t accept cash. It’s incredibly rare that i’ve used cash since lockdown.

I don't see why her having her own debit card is related to you not trusting her. All she can do is spend her own money. If you would give her cash on a school trip, then how is that different to putting the same money into a bank account?

If she wants to spend all her money on treating her friends that's her choice and will likely be a better lesson to help her budget in the future than being controlling.

The need for a debit card was not mentioned in advance because the school probably assumed all the students had one. And no, they didn't expect parents to hand over their own cards. That's something your daughter is suggesting because she knows you won't let her have her own card. And yes, it's not a good idea.

If you send her without her own card she will be the one borrowing off friends. If they all buy a drink she will want one too, regardless of whether she has plenty with her, because it's part of socialising and being part of the group. Would you go out for a coffee with friends and sit there with nothing or take your own flask?

My daughter has a card but usually just uses the card on her phone via Applepay. She has separate savings but usually has under £50 in it. If she goes out for a day I give her £50. She usually pays me something back or we agree if she can keep it if she needs to buy things for herself. This has made her very independent and she is good with budgeting.

This makes sense, though I didn't know schools took children to theme parks. Things change don't they?

At 12 she should have her own card.

I know you’ve said she can’t be trusted yet but get a card on an account with a limited amount of money in it.

then you teach her about money and she learns how to use it and earns trust and learns responsibility and accountability.

forbidding her a card cause she can’t be trusted isn’t going to teach her

I went on a school trip to a theme park in 1984.

You can get a prepaid visa or Mastercard in Tesco, Sainsbury’s etc and then she can only spend the amount of money you put on it.

In our area it’s an end of yr7 trip at 2 schools. They use it as a behaviour incentive, you can’t go if you have too many behaviour points. They usually have staff throughout the park and kids trusted to go off in small groups. It’s a bit of freedom for them and yes buying a slushie or similar is looked forward to.

By that reasoning, if her friends all have money to spend on slushies the chances are they will feel sorry for her and buy one for her from their money. You seem to be happy to let her friends subsidise her or will you repay the friends or their parents if they are kind enough to include her?

I am late thirties and did theme park trips in high school and I don’t think it was something new then

That should have been I wouldn't be giving my card.