AIBU to be upset by my partner talking about craving younger women?

[Frenchlady14]

My DP and I have been together for six years - we met on a dating site although we knew each other because we live in the same area and have some same friends. He is a year older than me and we are in our sixties = we don't live together but see each other at least once during the week and every weekend. I think I look ok for my age and we make a nice couple. Anyway he has made some comments in the past about me being lucky he doesn't have a mid-life crisis and 'chase younger women' and I said if that is what he wants to do - then go for it! These kind of remarks do annoy me a bit but generally he's a great boyfriend.

But yesterday evening - kind of out of nowhere when we were having a quick drink - he looked at me and said that he could really understand how men of his age can crave a younger women. I got really upset and told him to go home - he thinks I'm overreacting - am I?

I think you have to sperate the action from the thought.

The action was insensitive and rude and should be apologized for.

The thought? Biological unfortunately. I'm sorry but it is just the way the male brain works.. they never stop desiring younger women, no matter how old they get. An 80 year old man in a nursing home will still have his attention caught by a young pretty woman walking in.

Expecting any man to only find you attractive and never think about younger woman is just deluded. Although most men are decent enough to hide it and not say it, because they love you. Just as most women are decent enough not to point out that they would rather have a fitter, taller, richer, etc. man.

As long a man's love for you is genuine though, these things are just fantasies. Most men and women fantasize but they don't actually want the reality. The reality that a young women would look at him as a disgusting old man...

So make him apologize for hurting your feelings, and tell him to keep his daydreams to himself, and just as daydreams. Because you'll have an easier time finding a younger man than he will finding a younger woman.

That gives me the ick so in the bin he goes. He has no respect for you at all. He is a creep waiting to pounce. Get rid

Please PLEASE tell him to get to Fuck.

What a vile bastard. Who the fuck does he think he is? Tell him to go get a "younger model" but to be sure to have a full bank account for starters.

Does he think younger women are attracted to him? What’s he got to offer younger women that they can’t get from someone their own age?

If you want to keep him around you'll have to go for the throat. Tell him that a younger woman wouldn't be interested in him. He doesn't have the resources or the health for it.

Tell him that if he ever makes you feel like he did just now again, then he's on his own.

OP, don't let his crass remark make you feel you are less. The worst thing that can come of this is that you become insecure about your looks and worth. I'm early 60s too, so understand how easy it is for a comment about age to knock you down.

Bless him though for thinking he's "mid-life" in his 60s, and good luck to him finding a young woman who is craving an old man.

He just popped in (having his car done down the road) to see if I was ok as he has been worried about me. He asked if he could come back later and I said no - he was completely flummoxed by this but I asked him to go and he said alright and he would wait to hear from me. I am going to reflect hard on his but the way I feel I won't be able to let it go. It doesn't help that it is eleventy million degrees here in France at the mo, which is making me feel sick and even more upset.

He should be your ex now.

Younger women is what he wants.
Leave him to it.

You're lucky you're not married to this git.

Well she can do better because being single is better than this. You can get good company and good social life from friends. You don’t have to listen to someone who makes you feel pretty shit.

You probably are looking good for your age. Is he ?

he needs to look in the mirror and realise what a catch he is - he's not !

he's old and already has medical issues and doesn't have much money - why on earth would a young woman be interested - she probably won't even look twice at him.

he needs you, you don't need him !

Also he may have been using you because you know the language better.
He'd be in the bin.

Good luck to him finding a 20 or whatever year old.

And he can fuck off for himself and go learn some French too.

Do you have younger women and girls in your family. Imagine what he is thinking when he looks at them. Perhaps even ask them how they feel around him, bet he gives them the creeps but they are being polite.

That’s exactly what i was going to say.

You are not overreacting. Sorry OP.

i Couldn’t possibly contradict you. But as this is the op’s real life here, I’d thought I’d offer something other than just LTB. Because I’ve no idea if she lives where there are lots of social options, or not.

I think op is taking space from the bloke right now, to reflect and digest, which seems an ideal response.

good luck, op! Hot weather is un peu de trop, innit.

If he really doesn’t understand why that was a really shitty thing to say to you, then he’s not worth the effort. He’s either emotionally immature which is extremely unattractive in a man his age or he’s a complete bloody idiot.

You are really taking the ball and running with it, potentially at other peoples expense.

It's not one remark though, you say he has said similar several times. Up to you what you do, but he is counting on you letting it slide. Again.

Tell him you’re craving a young man that can last the night then get rid.

You ANBU! This would really upset me and would constantly be playing on my.mind and re-upsetting me everytime i thought about it. I'd feel like a 'something is better than nothing' partner - no thank you!

Also this, importantly!

Popped in because he was worried..that..he had lost his shag buddy..
Reading your posts: he has already eroded your self-esteem, you have gone from feeling you look fine for your age (I bet that's true) to now feel that you are kidding yourself... You do not deserve this!
LittlestBoho 's post is spot on imo.

Yes - the previous one was while we were on holiday and met this couple and the wife said her husband could have another drink before they left as she would drive back from the airport and while sitting next to me he said 'Oh my god have you got a younger sister for me?' Yep - that hurt too

I think it's the opposite. He's unbelievably insecure and knows he's 100% punching above with OP. Therefore needs to take her down a peg 😕 I'm so sorry this happened OP but you deserve better than this

Or bin him.