AIBU to be upset by my partner talking about craving younger women?

[Frenchlady14]

My DP and I have been together for six years - we met on a dating site although we knew each other because we live in the same area and have some same friends. He is a year older than me and we are in our sixties = we don't live together but see each other at least once during the week and every weekend. I think I look ok for my age and we make a nice couple. Anyway he has made some comments in the past about me being lucky he doesn't have a mid-life crisis and 'chase younger women' and I said if that is what he wants to do - then go for it! These kind of remarks do annoy me a bit but generally he's a great boyfriend.

But yesterday evening - kind of out of nowhere when we were having a quick drink - he looked at me and said that he could really understand how men of his age can crave a younger women. I got really upset and told him to go home - he thinks I'm overreacting - am I?

Tell him to get on with it then.
What an arrogant prick!

Don’t let posters goad you into rushing a decision. You are doing the right thing taking time to think things through.

Personally I would struggle to get past this, because fundamentally it was an unkind thing to say and I would be wondering about his motives, let alone if he was implying that I was some kind of second prize. But feelings are not subject to logic, and this is a long standing relationship, so difficult to unravel. People on this site just randomly say, get rid etc and then start picking on the OP, but life is not that clear cut, and I doubt the get rid people that proliferate this website are these ballsy, no nonsense women in their own lives.

If you do speak to him, you need to impress upon him how he has made you feel, and just how unnecessary and unkind it was.

Oh op.youre working very hard to,accept this. Thats going to kill whatever self esteem you have, which cant be much

yes you played it he was some sad loser desperate to be with you and you were this catch with a full life. Which totally contradicts the fact he insults you , tells you to your face he’s craving someone younger and still you’re trying to find a way to justify accepting it.

it won’t stop.

at the very least he is rude and disrespectful. I would bin him off asap. You deserve better and can do better - tell him you’re doing it so he can fuck off and try and find himself a younger woman who is prepared to take on a worn out old man with a bad attitude and no respect for women.

He's a cruel insensitive idiot. You'd be happier on your own. Let him find the younger women don't want HIM.

Maybe he thinks you are too good for him and he’s feeling insecure so makes himself feel better by putting you down indirectly.

Well, all men like younger women. But only horrible idiots would make an older woman they go out with feel less because they look the way they do, due to a natural ageing process

This an unnecessarily nasty post. So sharp and bitchy. No wonder@Frenchlady14 stepped away from the thread.
it's judgy and unhelpful.

I hope he's an ex already or at least very shortly. Life's too short to put up with that shit.

Forgive me if you”ve already addressed this, but have you really talked to him about how his comments make you feel? Asked him why he thinks it’s appropriate to voice such thoughts? Asked him what he thinks hie is actually saying?

How has he responded ? Why is he repeating the offences? Does he understand why all this matters?

But yesterday evening - kind of out of nowhere when we were having a quick drink - he looked at me and said that he could really understand how men of his age can crave a younger women. I got really upset and told him to go home - he thinks I'm overreacting - am I?

The fact that he looked at you then said that would be hugely upsetting.

The fact he used the word "crave" is so offputting.

He might be a lovely helpful man who just makes the odd blunder when speaking his thoughts out loud, but I would find this hard to get past.

Firstly big hugs. You must be torturing yourself mulling it all over. It’s a horrible feeling isn’t it and will be hurting your heart. I do think you can’t not truly make a decision until you have a serious conversation with him about how his comment has made you feel I mean how close you are to calling it a day. For me it wouldn’t be the thoughtless hurtful comment he has made that would determine where you go from here, it would be how he reacts in the aftermath of how his comment has made you feel that would determine where you go from here. (If that makes sense) xx

Ewwww- he sounds delightful…🥴.
it’s threads like these that reinforce my choice to be single in my late 50s.
OP - ditch him & spend time with your family / friends & live your best life.

He sounds like a creep tbh. He might “crave” younger women but I doubt very much they are craving him.

Being in my 50’s that comment would give me the ‘ick’ so rude & thoughtless. Would he have said it to undermine you? It seems a comment to put you down as perhaps he was feeling insecure. Either that or he is just thoughtless & rude. I would feel very differently after that comment about him. I think even if I stayed with him it’s one of those comments you can’t shake off. I wish you the best in your decision

Got a high opinion of himself. I am 40s and don't 'crave' (🤢) 60 year old creeps. You deserve better OP.

He sounds like a creep. You deserve better

Flip the script.

Tell him you're craving a chiselled younger man before leaving him.

Creepy & disrespectful

I really feel for you-I had a similar conversation with my « boyfriend « who is 62. I’m 56. It’s very hard to get past. Personally I don’t fancy anyone younger than about 45.

Re him "losing a filter" - there is nothing wrong with losing a filter. I like people to be direct and speak their mind. I wish more people did it.

DH is younger than me and very blunt. So I know that he can appreciate a "toasted bun" in the street, but I also know that the last thing on god's earth he actually wants is a younger woman in his life, with all that entails. Physical beauty is just not that fascinating or important to him. "Craving" it shows a very different mindset.

I also wonder if he is trying to take you down a peg or two so that he doesn't lose you, OP.

when a man makes these blunders he's just cranking that door open a little and naturally the glimpse of their insides is, well, disgusting.

now imagine what it could be like where you’re seeing glimpses of beautiful things.

Hi - second good morning from France and again, the weather is heavily hot - we have a another red alert for heat today and there is a fire reported about 10km from where I live - it seems to be going on and on with no real end in sight. I put out a bowl of water for the birds and insects this morning and will keep it topped up as it gets warmer.

Thank you all of you that have read my posts and commented kindly. It does help to read your reponses - I am still no contact and haven't been able to get it all completely straight in my head yet - the heat doesn't help!

I need to know what I am going to say - I don't want the usual conversation of 'oh, you know I love you and you took it the wrong way' or being accused of being over-sensitive or that it is blamed on being just man talk. On the other hand I have to realise that if I finish it, I will be on my own again. I have been on my own when my marriage ended and I really like my own space and doing what I want to do when I want to do it. I have enough friends and of course my daughter nearby. It is when it goes on for too long that it can start to feel a bit sad.

But, I don't think I can get past this comment - I feel that I have been a good and thoughtful girlfriend with certain of his health issues and other problems. He spends a lot of time here and I cook for him and we have a good social life in the village - so that would change a bit. He has had a few problems of late which I won't go into and I have tried to keep him cheerful and generally look after him = which is why it was such a slap in the face - to be told that - out of nowhere.

I read all of your replies and some of them have helped me such a lot. Mostly to know that I am not being over-dramatic or too sensitive.

SapphireSteel28

I'm sorry - you have had this too - I remember a friend of my Dad's who announced after several drinks (red-faced with a paunch and a comb-over and a gorgeous clever wife) - that all women are superfluous after menopause and should stop whining on about their men looking at other women. I told this to my partner and he was outraged and told me that all men didn't feel that way.

I think what maybe your boyfriend and mine said/say is really a version of that.

You’d find it a lot easier to find a younger man for some fun than he will!