AIBU to be upset by my partner talking about craving younger women?

[Frenchlady14]

My DP and I have been together for six years - we met on a dating site although we knew each other because we live in the same area and have some same friends. He is a year older than me and we are in our sixties = we don't live together but see each other at least once during the week and every weekend. I think I look ok for my age and we make a nice couple. Anyway he has made some comments in the past about me being lucky he doesn't have a mid-life crisis and 'chase younger women' and I said if that is what he wants to do - then go for it! These kind of remarks do annoy me a bit but generally he's a great boyfriend.

But yesterday evening - kind of out of nowhere when we were having a quick drink - he looked at me and said that he could really understand how men of his age can crave a younger women. I got really upset and told him to go home - he thinks I'm overreacting - am I?

Goodness me OP. Why are you putting up with this idiot?

You're in your sixties, as am I, and one of the great things about being this age is that you have the confidence and wisdom to realise that you can just get rid of people who do not enhance your life.

It's a million times better to be single than put up with someone belittling you and sapping your confidence.

He means when hes having a tommy tank hes thinking about young women not you

The answer is in your second post. He’s insecure. He’s attempting to even things up by trying to make you feel insecure.

Ugh. What a lech. That would give me the instant ick, sorry. Nothing worse than a dirty old man perving over young women.

Might be the beginnings of dementia so either learn to ignore or find a new BF?

He sounds like a dirty old man.

Little money ?
and vile personality, what’s he bringing to the table exactly ? Stuff that

Wake up. How many men do you think don’t still feel attracted to their original type of attraction? It’s a wank fantasy because that’s when neural pathways for sex were laid down.

He either has no filter and just voices his thoughts without care or he's emotionally sadistic and likes to land these hurtful remarks and watch your reaction.

Not good either way and I would be very watchful for kind of behaviour. If it continues I'd get rid. No place for cruelty in a relationship.

@BlueHydrangea7 that’s the perfect point to make, I think. Op, tell him you find it cruel that life can foist impossible attractions on people, and it’s cruel that he is attracted to WHST he liked aged 20, forty years later, and youd rather not hear about it, it’s all a bit unhealthy, and sad. And suggest focus on either being more attracted to one another, or just being friends, but never having potentially confidence deflating sexual comments,

proactive!

But it's not one remark is it? You have said he makes a remark like this about once a year. He knows you don't like it yet he continues to do it. When you have tried to tell him how upset you are - he shuts you down making out you are the problem.

Your continued efforts to sell him to us (we are not convinced) means I think you'll stay with him. It's sad that you will make yourself smaller for every he makes a comment like this.

Please leave this twerp

He's said it more than once now and once was bad enough.

He's overstepped the mark, big time and you're not out of order to feel the way you do.

I'd crack up laughing at him and say, 'don't worry mate, they're sure as hell not craving you, and hope you're not making it obvious, or you'll be getting the reputation of being that sad old perve down the road'. . .

No, I think it has run it's course sadly. It's not easy dating in your sixties but I reckoned I was looking good for my age. Now I feel that I'm kidding myself - even if it was thinking aloud the thought was still there in the first place - so I've no idea whay goes on in his head now - or actually, I do.

Get rid! I’ve been with my partner 6 years plus. He’s nearly 50, I’m 54 in August. There is no way he would ever say something like that. You need someone who values you, not tries to put you down.

Please don’t try to get past this. He’s vile - I think the responses here have been unanimous in saying it’s completely unacceptable for him to say that. You can do so much better. Tell him if he thinks he’s such a catch to just try and find himself a ‘trophy wife’ (Yuk)

He's old, rude, in bad health, can't speak the local language, and poor. He's bringing nothing to the table and no younger (or older) woman will want him, so he's just saying this to be mean and chip away at your confidence.

He's putting you down to feel better about his manifold deficiencies, when actually you're facilitating his life by going to the doctors and translating for him. He doesn't deserve you. Put him in the bin.

Eeew, kick him to the curb and find someone worthy of you.

Ugh, instant ick. I would wish him well on his future endeavors. I think he’ll soon discover that it’s a pretty one-sided craving.

You need to end things straight away.

It doesn’t matter if you get back with him, but he needs to know that some things won’t be tolerated.

This is not the first time he’s said something like this, so it wasn’t a clumsy slip of the tongue.

It’s likely that he drops these comments in to make you feel ‘grateful’ that he’s with you and make sure you stay.

Do not get caught up in this manipulation.

Text him now/tell him to go home and tell him how hurtful his comments were and how you need to figure out whether you actually want to stay in this relationship or not.

Trust me, if he thinks he could lose you over these comments he will never make them again.
If he thinks these comments are working and that they keep you, he’ll continue saying them and they will get worse but in a way that you don’t realise until its too late and you already feel like crap.

He needs a slap in the face but the good news is the Internet is seemingly awash with young attractive women of all nationalities looking for an older solvent man. He can spend his time chasing them and leave you in peace. He isn't going to get better. Old dog, new tricks applies here so bin him off.

This. I'm glad you've decided to make him your ex.

Good luck to him in finding one the egotistical old dinosaur!! He sounds like an absolute cockwomble and you deserve better!!

He has told you what he wants but more importantly how he feels - you are lucky to have him

you are not …