AIBU to be upset by my partner talking about craving younger women?

[Frenchlady14]

My DP and I have been together for six years - we met on a dating site although we knew each other because we live in the same area and have some same friends. He is a year older than me and we are in our sixties = we don't live together but see each other at least once during the week and every weekend. I think I look ok for my age and we make a nice couple. Anyway he has made some comments in the past about me being lucky he doesn't have a mid-life crisis and 'chase younger women' and I said if that is what he wants to do - then go for it! These kind of remarks do annoy me a bit but generally he's a great boyfriend.

But yesterday evening - kind of out of nowhere when we were having a quick drink - he looked at me and said that he could really understand how men of his age can crave a younger women. I got really upset and told him to go home - he thinks I'm overreacting - am I?

Re expressing a natural instinct, OK, but "crave" is a very strong word. I'm sure men do notice attractive young women, but that's very different from "craving" one for himself.

Or you could always drop into conversations lines like "gosh I really understand why woman want younger men who can satisfy us older experienced ladies. Afterall who wants a limp dicked wrinkly old man". Sure that might drive the point home! Lol taste of his own medicine

I have a theory about this.
If Jean from Scunthorpe met her TV crush, 20 years younger, I am going with Idris Elba, she might ask for a selfie (if pushed), giggle about it later with her mates, and there would be some lighthearted banter about Jean running off with Idris.
But if Bob from Macclesfield met Rihanna, he would actually think he was in with a chance. Because Bob is delusional. He thinks his line of patter would attract the billionaire beauty from Barbados.
I have seen it in action. Never worked with famous names of that ilk, nowhere near, but show me a Hollyoaks starlet and I’ll show you a 50 year old fella (not rich, not good looking!) chancing his arm. It’s actually painful to see, they genuinely get mesmerised and somewhere in their mind they turn into Idris, or Daniel Craig, and they don’t think that this young woman might think you are older than my dad, and about as alluring as a soggy bag of chips.
Very rarely happens the other way around.
We can all appreciate the young beautiful people wherever they are from. I tend to get a bit wistful and think, oh remember being 21/25/30 or whatever age it was.
Then I remember I was usually going out with an idiot.
These men with these ‘urges’ make me gag. I bet back in the day they had favourites on Babestation and spent a fortune ringing them up or whatever else was involved.
Grim.

He wants to introduce a younger woman into your relationship

Optimistically, a 3/4 life crisis 😂

Yeah she can take him the doctor and translate. There will be a line of gorgeous young women fighting over that role.

Sounds like he's testing the water to see how the OP would react if he then makes a revelation about something he is planning to do or is already up to.

If he's as otherwise nice as you imply, then maybe he'll make a decent friend. Maybe through him you'll meet a different man who doesn't make these creepy remarks? To expect you to stay with him after what he's said is baffling. I'd tell him I'd only put up with that from a man if the man had an actual magic penis.

I am French and can confirm this, that said if I was ever single again I would not date a French man again.

@PetulaGordeno ha, so true. Not helped by all the pics they see of men with much younger wives, in the media. The brain doesn't care that the men they see are rich and famous ! The brain just sees older man with younger woman = hottt!!!!
Also, as they’re just not as practical, they don’t get put off by knowing that actually younger women would find them boring and low on virility.
kids in toy shops don’t always play with the toys they thought they ‘ craved’.
so unrealistic!

I never said he was a prize.

yes, because ALL the French men are identical, the same way all the BRIT are the same 😂

He might be lovely on the surface, OP, but to me those comments show that there is a very unpleasant man underneath it all. One that wants to make you feel crap about yourself and desperate to keep him as you may not get anyone else.I wonder what other behaviour would come to the fore once he got his feet under the table? I think you have dodged a bullet here. Who doesn't find youth attractive? I'm sure my DH would prefer my 23 year old body to the 53 year old one he has now, but he is smart enough to keep his mouth shut! And 'craving' it? That's just creepy.

He sounds needy and controlling. You sound as though you’re being his carer to which he responds by making his ego feel better by putting you down.
I really think you should get out of this relationship and enjoy life by spending all that time you use on supporting ungrateful him, to care for yourself.

Oh FFS! So that time he decided to belittle you in front of other people. You're too old AND you're not as accommodating as the other chap's younger wife. A decent partner would never make jokes at their loved one's expense to other people, that's really low.

It's not unusual for a person to find someone younger attractive, it's human nature. However, most people don't tell their husband/wife/partner, because it wouldn't be appropriate, could be considered insensitive and mean. We all notice attractive looking people, regardless if we're married/attached.

The fact your partner has made references to younger women previously and now has openly told you that he desires a younger woman, it makes me wonder for what purpose? Is he utterly stupid and can't see that this would upset you? Or is he preparing you, for the fact he may end the relationship? Or is he just an arsehole who doesn't give a flying monkey about your feelings?

What a dick. Ask him what he thinks he has to offer a young woman? I do wonder what men see when they look in the mirror sometimes!

sorry but that's completely irrelevant. If anything, that's even more insulting.

So he wouldn't be good enough for "young woman" but good enough for the OP? Charming.

The OP being an attractive woman by herself has NOTHING to do with how attractive her BF might or might not be. Only shallow people find their worth only based on who they are dating.

I have no interest on being single, ever, don't get me wrong, but it's not because I need a partner to make me interesting or raise my profile 😂

This.
this is the difference. The delusion, entitlement, arrogance from the men. Women can equally find someone ‘out of their league’ (for want of a better phrase) attractive, but the glaring difference is they don’t have the arrogance to actually think it’s a possibility. So, the women aren’t ‘settling’ when they date a man on their level, whereas these kinds of men are. And they will drop just enough hints to make the women feel like shit. Why put yourself through that.

Men like him honestly think that, despite their bald heads and pot bellies, young women are desperate to shag them. They also think that women of exactly the same age are "past their shelf life" and therefore will put up with anything to keep them!! Before you dump him, I'd have some fun with this. Don't act upset, just say you can totally see where he's coming from as you sometimes crave a hot-bodied, younger man. And that actually, young men often like older women as they see them as experienced and can teach them a thing or two! Young women only like old men if they are rich. say you'd be quite happy if you both dated younger people. He will hate that 😆😆
I'm the same age as you and one thing I've learned about men like this is they can't stand independent women who actually dgaf about them!

PetulaGordeno
I have a theory about this.
If Jean from Scunthorpe met her TV crush, 20 years younger, I am going with Idris Elba, she might ask for a selfie (if pushed), giggle about it later with her mates, and there would be some lighthearted banter about Jean running off with Idris.
But if Bob from Macclesfield met Rihanna, he would actually think he was in with a chance. Because Bob is delusional. He thinks his line of patter would attract the billionaire beauty from Barbados.
I have seen it in action.

@PetulaGordeno Yes, it's so true! This is exactly what happens. And we all silently think "silly old coot"

I agree with this. Op is cleverer than him. He hasn't been able to get to grips with the local language, whereas she has. He needs her much more than she needs him. His knee jerk response is to put her down to make him feel more powerful and in control of things.

🤣🤣🤣

OP, this is a running theme not a one off remark.

You said you think you look okay for your age and I imagine you definitely do but I don't know why anyone feels they have to try and defy the aging process by looking younger than they do/or good for age. Our culture is obsessed with youth for some reason and any sign of aging is an instant flaw.

I am determined not to buy into this. I think it is a choice. Being attractive is a multi-faceted thing and personally I find my DH more attractive as he ages, not less, and I think we've both accepted we look like we're in our fifties but refuse to let that limit us in any way from enjoying life. It is a cultural perspective based on us buying products promising the elixir of youth. Don't listen to it.

I suspect a weekend without put downs about other women will make you feel ten years younger if nothing else!

Bleugh- the only reason a much younger woman might show interest in an over 60s letch is if he is minted. And even then is unlikely to want to end up as a carer for a much older partner. Men like this are deluded fools.