AIBU to find a lawyer for my nephew whose pregnant girlfriend says she doesn't want him on the birth certificate?

[Hillfarmer]

My lovely 35-year old nephew is in a very stormy relationship. He and his GF already have one DC of 18 months. She is pregnant again, due August - we could debate the rights and wrongs of that until the cows come home - but we are where we are. They have just had an almighty bust-up, she's kicked him out of the house and now telling him she won't have him on the birth certificate.

He is a devoted Dad and would be devastated not to have parental rights from the get-go, but what can he do? Are there any family lawyers on here who know whether he can force her hand in some wayl? Are there any legal means he can use before the baby is born - say, get an injunction?

He is named on the birth cerficate of his first DC and of course wants to be named on the second one's birth cert. If he's not on it, I understand that it will be much more of a fight to get access etc.

Any advice welcome!

I think if a child is born out of wedlock, you don't have to put the father on the cert.

Family Law solicitors, in your area, are the way to go.

Not read the thread but in my experience, the father will be added to the birth certificate via a family court if he makes an application.

I did not want my son's father on his BC / to have PR as he had no involvement for a long time. Paternity was proven by test through child maintenance.

He took me to court for PR. I spent thousands on a barrister as I wanted to stop it. They told me it would be extremely unlikely and that even criminals are granted PR.

The court awarded my son's father PR. Several years later (no idea why it took him so long) he applied to the General Registry Office to be added to the birth certificate. I had a letter in the post informing me.

If he hasn’t asked you to get involved, then I’d highly suggest you stay out of it. He’s 35! Which is old enough to legally be a grandfather.

I think the woman is also a bully. She is playing god.

If men are so desperate to be on the birth certificate they should stop having children out of wedlock 🤷‍♀️

She may be a pregnant woman but she is also using her unborn child as a weapon so not completely innocent!

How do you know he hasn't tried to marry her already, but she has declined?

Generally speaking, it's men who seek long-term relationships and marriage moreso than women.

It’s obviously impossible for anyone on here to know who is the arsehole in the scenario, her, him, a bit of both? So projection either way is fairly meaningless.

but I would say that unless it’s she who put her foot down to not marry him, I don’t think men who want women to carry their babies but don’t offer them the protection of marriage are decent.

Women have a choice in that too.

Tbh i think its sensible nowadays. Because ive seen so many women who cant even take kids on holiday because the dad may not agree.

And re other things like picking schools. Or referring for sen or adhd meds.
Ultimately one parent has to be able to make the decisions if its likely they cant agree.

So no-one should have a baby unless they are married first? Even those in a long term relationship?

Rubbish.

Maybe all parents should act in the way which is best for their baby and not make threats just because they are pissed off in an argument.

Poor baby...not even born yet and being used as a weapon by their mum

But presumably, this bloke has already proved that he is a good dad, since they have an 18 month old and have chosen to have another baby together.

Why should the baby not have their father named in their birth certificate? And him be involved in parenting decisions about his child?

So they've "just" had a bust up and already the extended family are researching legal avenues.

Yeah that's totally normal and supportive. Not!!

Sounds like you are over involved, keen to peddle drama and don't give a rats arse about the actual facts @Hillfarmer

I know many lovely, decent guys and guess what they are never asked to leave their homes after a bust up.

I don't think a 35 year old man needs his aunt fanning the flames here. As a fellow 35 year old, people of our generation are well aware of the procedures when it comes to gaining access to DC or how to find the information if we do not know. He really doesn't need your help. Just enjoy seeing the babies as and when you do as a great aunt.

She may want him to have parental responsibility when she is short of cash or needs child care

I agree with others that you should keep your nose out of his business, especially as he hasn't asked you to look into it anyway!

I also agree with those saying that his unborn child has a right to know who their father is - as everyone is saying, parents have responsibilities, the child has rights. Not allowing her child to know who their father is would be wrong of the mother, but now isn't the time to raise this.

Once the dust has settled and the child is born, your DN can pursue legal pathways if necessary. But not now.

I did.

Again. He's 35. Let him deal with his own shit.

Nunya.

Contrary to what is popularly believed on here, a father does not need PR to get contact. From a legal perspective, it will only be more of a fight to get contact if she tries to deny he is the father.

He does not have to be named on the birth certificate to get PR. He can get PR by a PR Agreement signed with the mother or, if she is unwilling to sign, by applying to the court. If it is accepted that he is the father and that there are no safeguarding risks, he will get PR.

If he wants to be on the birth certificate he can apply to the courts for a Declaration of Parentage.

I would not do anything at this stage. This may all blow over before the baby is born. The time to think about getting lawyers involved is after the birth if the mother is being obstructive.

Oh boo hoo! I am trying to find stuff out. Not malicious. Information is useful, that's all. Don't get on your high horse and presume to know what a disgusting person I am. You do not have enough information for that.

Your wording WAS malicious. Why any woman would use the words “force her hand” in relation to a pregnant woman about to give birth is horrible. If your nephew used those words it also sounds controlling. As many others have said your nephew is a 35 year old man, quite capable of running his own life and managing his own relationship without the meddling aunt getting involved in things that have absolutely nothing to do with her. You also sound rather childish with this response.

People should act in the best interests of the child but they often don’t. The law is clear on PR, so if men want to guarantee they’ll be on the birth certificate they shouldn’t have children while they’re unmarried. It’s that simple. If not they need to go through the courts when the baby is born. A hassle, but hardly a big deal.

That might be so but this baby wasn't dropped by a stork was it!?

Sorry, your wording in your OP was malicious and aggressive, talking about what can be done before the baby is born is some Handmaid’s Tale shit. Get your nose out and let your wonderful nephew do his own research.

Life is not so black and white. It's perfectly possible that this man wanted a marriage, and thought that things would have moved to marriage after having children, and then that didn't work out.

The point is, we don't know nearly enough details about this. The other poster tried to portray this as a man having a child without being fully committed but we don't know if that's accurate.

Also, it takes two to tango. It is impossible for a man to create a child by himself. This woman also bears responsibility for having a child out of marriage, if that's what the issue is.