To be hurt I’m not invited to the whole of my friend’s 50th?

[ArcanaQueen]

I’m part of a 6 women friendship group. The group has quite a strong identity, we always meet for each other’s birthdays and we go away for a weekend together every year. One of the group is having a glamping/camping party for her 50th. It has become apparent that while I’m only invited for the Saturday night, the rest of the friendship group is invited for Friday and Saturday nights. I get that she and I aren’t as close as some of the relationships in the group. She sent me a text saying do I mind just coming on Saturday as she’s trying to keep numbers low for Friday. AIBU to feel quite hurt? Saturday night is the main party night with more people coming so perhaps I should just feel happy with that, and ordinarily I would if it wasn’t for the friend group context re. the Friday night, which just feels a bit “ouch”.

The thing is though, the next big birthday or even just a birthday. Say it’s yours OP. Will you be the bigger person and invite them all along or will you not want to invite this woman along as she’s snubbed you on this day? Given you a token invite as it were.

There was a “friend” I had years ago, we all went clubbing together but she was directly very nasty to me the first time we met at a pub. God knows why. It’s strange because on a few occasions we went for girls meals out she was lovely. Anyway, she’s the first of us to get married which she does in her home country (Australia) and then she had a Hindu ceremony in London. Now I know because I was told that she didn’t want to invite me to this but she felt for the friendship group she had to invite me. Something happened between us after that which meant we never spoke again and thank god a good few years ago she moved back to Australia with her family where she’s remained ever since. I luckily don’t see that crowd now so never have to hear about her.

I'd be hurt too, can't you just ask why you're the only one out of the friend group not invited on the Friday?

Hi OP, I think the way you have written your original post is rather balanced.

Perhaps respond, if you haven't already, along similar lines, that this feels rather ouch, as you are a friend group of six and just you left out. But that you appreciate her numbers to be cut. Perhaps ask AI for a good response.

I imagine you are concerned how this will impact you within the friendship group too.

Re. The cake I think I would say I am not sure I can pick it up.

In hindsight this feels like it might be a good suggestion.

Actually I think it’s what helps
maintain decent friendship groups.

none of my groups would exclude 1 person or family which is why we remain close.

I’ve seen it before whereby if you allow 1 person to start excluding others it sets a precedent. And personally I wouldn’t want to be in a friendship group whereby this was the status quo.

Yes, occasionally someone won’t join the group events due to clashes calendars or because they aren’t interested in the activity. But NEVER because they’ve been text personally on the side asking them to voluntarily exclude themselves. Because we arent primary school bullies playing social heirachy.

But everyone has their own boundaries with friendships.

asking you to pick up the cake is crass. I would be saying "no" to that if i were to go on the saturday

but i'm in the "be busy" on Saturday and see how the group friendship goes after that

none of my groups would exclude 1 person or family which is why we remain close.

Same. I cannot imagine leaving one person out of my group of friends and saying “please don’t come- oh but hey, you can pick up the cake for us on Saturday” 🙄

If that’s someone’s idea of friendship then you can keep it. Thankfully my friends are lovely and would never do something this nasty