Does anyone ever have no money at all?

[Thiscantgoonlikethis]

I have a reasonable job (35K) , two children. I co-own a home and pay some of the expenses towards it (council tax, gas and electric, tv licence, virgin, food, insurance) and I run one cheap car. I drive 40 miles a day on my commute.
I owe quite a bit in debt, which accrued when I moved.
I often have no money at all. No money on credit cards to spend. But this month I am skint much earlier than usual.
I don’t want advise. I want solidarity. It feels so lonely. I’m not sure anyone I know lives like this. People are going to pub gardens or to the beach and I’m trying to find some change for a tube of tomato purée.
I’m terrible with money, that much is true. But when you are skint for years, it sort of changes your relationship with money. No one will lend to you so you end up with high interest CCs.
Please don’t tell me to get a better paid job, there isn’t one. I’ve tried. I’m qualified and in the NHS.

I once pointed that owing £3000 on a £7000 overdraft didn't actually mean that my DH had £4000 to spend! That was the weekend we went through every thing, set a budget and things began to change.

Not since I was a university student. I have the odd month where I dip into my overdraft by £10 or so a few days before I get paid but I have an able overdraft of £2500 which again, I am very rarely in. A credit card with a limit of £15000 but I owe £0 on it.

We are a moderate income family. Low six figures

I’m having a bad month with bills. But in between I budget like crazy so I’ve got a buffer built up. Start using cash only it really helps. You can get your debts consolidated.

Because OP isn’t a mod, so has no control over what people write on the thread

Solidarity from me. I have £163 to last til the 31st July and am frankly feeling quite rich with that. The freezer is quite full, the wine rack is healthy enough to have friends for drinks.

Bills paid but there is definitely going to be something in the next three weeks to come and smack me round the face. I have £14 in a savings account and my mortgage is not huge but I haven’t been on a holiday abroad since 2017. Actually come to think of it I haven’t been on a holiday in the UK either so I sunbathe in the garden and buy second hand books for £1 each from the local secondhand bookshop.

I think it will take me three years to pay off my credit cards. I make the payment each month then add the £30 extra or whatever it is and reduce the balance by £100 as I have no discipline and will spend it. Then when they take the payment I am beyond the limit and my credit score stays low so I can’t do a balance transfer to a 0% card.

Any time someone has a party or invites me to stay, I feel instantly anxious about petrol. I was reading a murder mystery book last week and kept thinking “but how aren’t they worried about their bills? Do none of these people have mortgages?”

I watch TV shows and 2 characters will meet in a greasy spoon for a fry up and I think how much I envy them that they don’t have to a) make sure there is enough in the account and b) mentally add up exactly every item and sweat if they charged more for brown sauce than I was expecting. I ONLY shop at the beginning of the month and I go round Lidl with my phone out, using the calculator to make sure I’ve got no chance of my card being declined.

My dreams ALWAYS have a money element in them, reflecting my low level constant anxiety. It will involve something like a friend saying “oh I’ll get the accommodation if you get the food” and not being able to pay in the supermarket because she wanted organic yoghurt and everyone in the queue looking at me (this has never happened IRL!). Or quotes being inaccurate or deposits.

so yes! Solidarity! I will add, though I am worried all the time and can’t even get on a bus without feeling relief when the card tap goes through, I am quite happy otherwise. I will get there in the end, I have great friends, a little garden, a dog I love and a happy relationship. So money is just something I don’t get to have for now.

ooo - good idea!

Paying down credit cards and medical bills has made me and DH skint. Children are grown and living on their own nearby. We have no treats that cost money. Sometimes, really scrounging to pay for petrol. Eating lots of pasta, potatoes, and beans. I have a lot of spices so that helps. I have to turn down outings with friends and it’s embarrassing. Our closest friends live across the street and enjoy socializing at free events, playing board games, watching movies at home and eating popcorn. They have much, much more money, but are very down to earth, not flashy people. They spend their money on travel and art classes. But they do not judge us.

OP, the situation you describe is stressful and exhausting. People who haven’t been through it don’t seem to understand that it’s not just about the money itself, it’s also about the energy spent analyzing every choice, figuring out doable alternatives, fending off guilt and resentment. The sadness and frustration are very real. As much as possible, try to give yourself some grace. Don’t give up. You have more company in this than you know. You are not alone.

In my twenties I lived from pay check to pay check. Mercifully, my finances improved as I got older.

True but also I think theres a form of denial
That " being skint" is what everyone goes through and its just one of those things , hence the thread and not wanting advice

35K no mortgage should be fine but its the debts that are the issue
Escalating debt spiral.means they then have no money for basic essentials
On every skint thread, its always debt or only working very PT

1. I saw on one of your replies you said the you and the children’s father aren’t together anymore - you need to see citizens advice as you could plan to move out. My friend just separated and whilst they were still living together she was able to claim UC which has massively topped up her income but they had to financially separate - he has bought her out of the mortgage since so she had cash then to put towards her own place.
2. you say you’ve done debt management plans before but keep going back into to the debt - do you have ADHD? Overspending and poor budgeting can be part of impulsively and dopamine seeking if you are. Or have you just not been in a position where you have to sort it out (eg him paying the mortgage).
3. look at the charity store change re your debt - and / or look at financelle for advice on getting debt free and building up savings or an American version is Dave Ramsey. good luck 🍀
4. can work give you more hours on weekends etc to top up your salary?

I take home £1250 per month. I pay rent, council tax, some credit cards, dog insurance and bus fair. I also had a family birthday this month which took £50, so I now have £7 per day to live on and feed 3 of us until pay day. This is my life almost every month.

Because it’s painful to read and watch someone doing this when they could be doing something else

I met up with friends last weekend and sat at the table whilst they ate and spent just £1.87 on a coke. Tbf I ate before I went out but I still felt a bit embarrassed.

You are not a moderate income family, you are in the top 5% of UK households by income.

Mumsnet is so strangely delusional sometimes.

35k would be life changing for me. I earn £15k with no extra top ups.

I thought the same. Low six figures?! That's a brilliant income!!

I didn't realize credit card companies can freeze the interest - that's great. Thanks for sharing:)

It was a few years ago so things might have changed. Hopefully not.

Promise me you won't ever become a counsellor....

Get in touch with Step Change

Lots of personal and social circumstances make it harder to manage money, or access credit, and lots of working people are in debt as a matter of routine.

And some people find it harder to organise their lives. Poor mental health doesn't help. Also, most of the ADHD adults I've met have at least a history of debt.

YANBU I know how you feel my DH works full time and gets 30,000 and some change a year I don’t work due to my health we don’t own a house we privately rent we don’t own a car I get the bus and walk everywhere and my husband uses a push bike, we don’t have any kids just pets and we normally are ok every month. But this month has been really hard because my husband was off work sick and he only got sick pay which wasn’t even enough to pay our rent I had to sell jewellery and borrow money off my aunty and get a crisis payment from the council just to get through the month and make sure our rent was paid. It’s been really really fucking hard this month we are living hand to mouth.

Yes. About 5 years ago my bank account was often at 0, while the smart meter was on £-4.80 (gas and electric get cut off at £-5.00). It’s very stressful. Low income, money would run out halfway through the month and I’d be waiting desperately for the child benefit to be paid in order to survive the last 2 weeks of the month. At the time, 1 child and £80 to last the remaining two weeks. My weekly shop was £30 per week (included everything in addition to food). I once made ‘French onion soup’ out of some beef stock cubes and some old onions because that was all that was left in the cupboards. Baby clothes/toys/anything from eBay or charity shops only. Couldn’t get the bus because the £2.30 return fare was too much, so I had to walk the 40 minutes to town for shopping/free baby groups, etc., and then 40 minutes back. I could go on…it was absolute survival. I never wasted a penny.

I have never got into any debt or used credit cards though. I knew I’d never be able to pay it back to I just avoided using them. Selling anything possible on Fb marketplace was my go to as well!

I was like this when I first became a single parent, by the time I'd paid all the bills & rent I had £50 a week to feed & clothe me & ds, we only shopped at Farmfoods as they had offers & I could buy a lot for not much money, one week a month we lived out of the freezer. I was lucky that my parents bought ds shoes & if my mum saw any clothes she thought ds would like in the supermarket she would buy him them. I dreaded bills arriving & often had to choose which ones I paid, built up debt I had no idea when I could pay.

16 years later I'm so much better with money, admittedly I have more money coming in, but I actually have savings now & everything is paid on time. It was a difficult time but I got through it.

Whilst I’m not in your position now, I was in a lot of debt in my 20s - the spending it part was fun -paying it back was awful. I was young and wanted to travel but I couldn’t and that was my motivation for paying it off. I would check out moneysavingexpert for some advice with your debts. If you can’t afford your current repayment, you will be able to negotiate something with them that you can afford. It will probably affect your credit score but it’s better than getting further into debt. You will need to change your spending habits. That’s the tough bit. I’m good with money now but terrible with my diet - it’s kind of the same thing like you mentioned, so I don’t know why I’m good with one and not the other.
Someone mentioned having a lightbulb moment and that’s so true. You need a reason to work towards. Think of all the things you want for the future but you can’t have because of your finances - I don’t necessarily mean material items, but you may want to work less, or go on a holiday, or be able to socialise or do x for your daughter.