Does anyone ever have no money at all?

[Thiscantgoonlikethis]

I have a reasonable job (35K) , two children. I co-own a home and pay some of the expenses towards it (council tax, gas and electric, tv licence, virgin, food, insurance) and I run one cheap car. I drive 40 miles a day on my commute.
I owe quite a bit in debt, which accrued when I moved.
I often have no money at all. No money on credit cards to spend. But this month I am skint much earlier than usual.
I don’t want advise. I want solidarity. It feels so lonely. I’m not sure anyone I know lives like this. People are going to pub gardens or to the beach and I’m trying to find some change for a tube of tomato purée.
I’m terrible with money, that much is true. But when you are skint for years, it sort of changes your relationship with money. No one will lend to you so you end up with high interest CCs.
Please don’t tell me to get a better paid job, there isn’t one. I’ve tried. I’m qualified and in the NHS.

Are you able to sell up and live somewhere smaller in a slightly cheaper area, pay off your debts and live alone with a smaller or no mortgage and lower bills?

It sounds like there's a few options that would improve your circumstances but you seem to be dismissing them and while you do, you'll just keep getting further into debt with the problem getting worse and worse.

Can your church/temple etc help you with money management or someone like Christians against poverty, who will help you whatever your faith.

Then your obvious answer is to downsize. You can’t afford it. You’ve been pleading poverty on this thread but you have a big house? Doesn’t make sense.

@Thiscantgoonlikethis

I know you didn't want advice but I can't help it when I see someone struggling.

Firstly charity begins at home, if Oxfam and Wildlife trust are regular payments you need to cancel them. Talk to the council and see if you can pay your council tax over 12 months instead of 10. Also you need to cancel your single person discount if you applied for it when he left

I see you are paying your mother back £150.00/month. Would she accept £125.00 and you could put £25.00/month to paying something else off. Debts with interest should be paid first but do understand if this is not possible. Bless her for having helped you out.

All these little bits absolutely have to go towards paying debt off - nothing else

I also have a spreadsheet to track my credit card. Now I don't get the paper statement I find it hard to check on my phone.

Citizens Advice are always helpful

When we were suddenly on a very restricted income we contacted credit card companies and got the debts frozen. We cut the cards up and paid an agreed (but much smaller than minimum) amount every month. It took years to clear the debts but at least we weren't paying interest on the debts any more. I have never had a CC since.

@Bjorkdidittried that (downsizing)

Just noticed your username. You should take notice of it and address your money and relationship issues once and for all.

Yup me, single income household and universal credit and I am often completely out of cash a couple of weeks into the month.

I put some money on supermarket evouchers and add them to my phone wallet to help budget so I cant impulse buy as much and this is all I have left now. I get £25 per week child benefit as I save half of it in a credit union scheme for Christmas but dont have unlimited access to it. I dont have enough shopping vouchers left so will likely need to borrow money and then continue to be stuck in that cycle.

Its hard to manage last minute ad hoc expenses throughout the month and its always reactive not proactive so it will be borrowing or scraping something together.

In fairness in my own situation I need to be better at budgeting

So give time rather than money.

My mums like this and was when we were growing up.

I always have money somewhere now and can always access what I need. dont get me wrong I am not buying expensive things at the end of the month, but I always have “walking around money” no matter what.

35k isn’t a good wage anymore - it’s hard to cover expenses and live decently on that especially with 2 kids

Look this is why I said I didn’t want advise, it’s all very well meaning but I know it and I’ve done it before. I just want people to empathise. In the way that a size 22 person can say to another size 22 person, I’m bigger than I want to be, I know what I need to do, but I can’t do it, and they ‘yeah it’s shit isnt it’ I want that connection.

please don’t steal or try and defraud your cc provider. It will only make matters much worse. Is there nothing you could sell or pawn to get you through to payday? Once your pay does come through, please make an appointment with a debt adviser at Citizens Advice. They will help you budget and avoid this terrible anxiety halfway through each month.

OP i have been in your shoes, many years ago, and i learned the hard way that my problem was impulsivity. I was that person who bought extra stuff all the time because i just gave in to temptation constantly. Only small stuff but I'd buy a throw cushion while at the supermarket, because i liked it, id just treat myself to things like coffees out and about really quite regularly, just without thinking. I'd buy some lovely new stationery, on a whim. Small things but it all added up

I think i thought i ought to be able to afford that sort of carefree spending because i worked full time etc but i simply didn't recognise that actually that sort of attitude to spending is really quite a luxury and something only those on salaries quite a bit higher than the average, can afford.

I was constantly having to go to a particular cashpoint at the end of the month because it dispensed fivers not tenners - because i only had like 7 quid left in my account so couldn't withdraw 10 quid.

Constantly in my overdraft, constantly not managing to pay my credit card, getting late payment fees etc.
It took years of hard work but i had to train myself to defer buying stuff - id tell myself id think about it for a couple of days and if i still wanted that cushion or whatever, id come back for it. Needless to say id often not go back as id realise by the time id been out of the shop 15 mins that i really didnt need it in reality and didnt even want it that much once that impulse to buy had passed!

I think i also had to train myself out if the mindset too that it was 'miserable' and 'unfair' not being able to afford a glam instagram lifestyle of lovely home decor and bits and bobs and new clothes all the time - the reality is that lifestyle isn't actually normal, the norm is for ordinary families to be carefully budgeting and living quite simply with very occasional treats, even with two working adults. Life is expensive especially with children

Dave Ramsey method saved me. I know you’ve said you’ve paid off your debt several times, that is great so you know it’s possible. What you haven’t then done is the next step which is build savings so you don’t need to use a credit card. Dave Ramsey method recommends save £1k emergency fund first of all, then pay off debt (starting with smallest), then save 3 months expenses. I’m now 2/3 way through my debt but will take me 3 more years to have the 3 months expenses saved. It is worth it though. Just knowing that emergency 1k is there makes me feel so much better.

If it wasn't for debt repayments you would be doing well and have lots of disposable income.

How long will the debts repayments last for? On e those are gone you will need emergency savings as a buffer to stop you getting into debt.

I think you just need to keep going, paying off debt, sell stuff you don't uelsr to go straight to repayments and you will have a decent life.

I’ve been there. Proper skint, like setting an alarm at 3am and walking down to the local nightclub to pick up dropped coins by the taxi rank and hopefully finding enough to buy milk. I would leave the house to use a toilet as no money for loo roll. I had a lot of debt and it was crushing. The only way out is through. Any tiny amount scrimped and thrown at your debt, no matter how tiny, will eventually get you out. But it’s a long and wearying journey and if your head and heart aren’t in it, you will continue to sink. Finding a tribe of equally skint friends saved me - first online and then irl.

Why on earth are you making charity donations when you are servicing a really big debt!!
Also, im surprised for a 425 trip your daughters school did not have an option to pay in instalments?

But people can’t empathise with you because you are in a situation that is unrelatable.

• Living in a large house that you can’t afford but won’t downsize
• Paying of 00s in credit cards but won’t consolidate
• Donating to charity when you purport to have no money
• Spending £400 on a school trip again when you purport to have no

You aren’t poor - you just spend a lot of money.

Too late now but could your daughter's trip not have been paid in installments? Or do you find that harder to budget? My daughter has her residential this year and we have been paying monthly.

I think your issue is you are always on the back foot. Paying off loans and credit cards it's going to be hard for you to get things back on track.

Other than the mortgage does the dad pay for anything else?

@Pileoftrashi know this sounds awful but I would just spend that £1000. I have no self control. And its hard to develop that

Yeah. Usually for about a week a month I'll be down to my last 20 quid then a few days with nothing.
Some people when they say they're broke I don't think they mean literal zero. But I often do sadly!

But you could get out of this downward spiral if you chose.
Why moan if you choose not to address the problem.

Put it somewhere hard to access, like only allows 2 free withdrawals.

Mine is in a cash savings account in a different bank that I don’t have a card for. If I needed to I could transfer it out but day to day I just forget it. Would that work?

Without some lightbulb moment or shattering crisis that changes your attitude, you will sadly never get out of your situation. And I mean that totally without judgment. I kept sinking for years before I had a moment of clarity which gave me the will to change things.