Does anyone ever have no money at all?

[Thiscantgoonlikethis]

I have a reasonable job (35K) , two children. I co-own a home and pay some of the expenses towards it (council tax, gas and electric, tv licence, virgin, food, insurance) and I run one cheap car. I drive 40 miles a day on my commute.
I owe quite a bit in debt, which accrued when I moved.
I often have no money at all. No money on credit cards to spend. But this month I am skint much earlier than usual.
I don’t want advise. I want solidarity. It feels so lonely. I’m not sure anyone I know lives like this. People are going to pub gardens or to the beach and I’m trying to find some change for a tube of tomato purée.
I’m terrible with money, that much is true. But when you are skint for years, it sort of changes your relationship with money. No one will lend to you so you end up with high interest CCs.
Please don’t tell me to get a better paid job, there isn’t one. I’ve tried. I’m qualified and in the NHS.

Did you have a chaotic upbringing ?@Thiscantgoonlikethis
Looks like you are wanting to replicate that chaos because its familiar
Counselling can help

Yes so I’ve started buying a £500 Tesco gift card that I get cash back for on pay day so that I don’t run out of shopping money. We earn well but we always over stretch and have holidays or home improvements that we need to pay off. No savings. So by the end of the month we have the gift card for food etc and if we need anything else my mum normally lends me £20. Totally my own fault. But if we didn’t put money on a cause of some kind we’d blow it all so it works for us for now. But our priority after this month is to get some savings in a bank that’s not easily accessible.

We do our best to make some good financial decisions - over paying mortgage etc but the only thing that stops us spending is not having any money

I know who you are talking about and shes dreadful
Posting about how her manky house is normal, living off junk and spend spend spend
She is very immature and will be back at square one when the sm media money runs out

Not advice

but my opinion is that I feel for the children and I assume that their father covers their expenses

what are you spending your money on when you rack up the debt?

Yes. Often run out of money. It’s looming now. I’ve £50 to last 2 more weeks. I won’t use a credit card..cut them up years ago. Won’t have an overdraft, so it’s tighten the belt and live on cheap food. Years ago, the 3 kids were here, we bought our clothes and stuff from Oxfam and a local second hand shop. I’d have only coppers in my purse at the end of a week. I’ve never had £35k jobs though. Never more than 10k. But I do run a car and have 2 dogs instead of the kids lol. They get most of the food budget. No holidays away in 40 years. The idea of debt and defaulting on a credit is abhorrent. So is shoplifting…that puts prices up for everyone else.
you don’t want advice, but if I had 35K coming in, I’d be rich ..you must have spendings you don’t need and could cut out.

I have been you. Dopamine hit by buying things I didn’t need because I was deeply unhappy. Stuff, that was my problem. I have every sympathy for you. As you don’t want advice, I won’t give you any. If you tackle the underlying issue you will feel better and you fill find purpose.

This is your issue. You are not able to spend what you have. There are charities who help people to manage money. I am not an expert of this behaviour but I would first pay back again all the debt, interest rates are now crazy so it is way harder, close all the credit cards, just one single debit card, put a pot of money to pay debt, a pot to pay all your fixed expenses (mortgage, car, bills , food) and if anything left this is what you spend. Otherwise you just don’t spend. Once debt is clear the pot becomes a saving account.
you are on a low wage so I don’t expect you to really save much, but you should not be in debt or be always skint.

Agree particularly when that money would cover her childs school uniform and shoes that she says she cant afford

She has clearly asked to chat with others in the same situation

I presumed Oxfam was buying something at an Oxfam shop.

And isn't the amount you need to give in proportion to your income? In your case your income is negative so you need to take a break from giving.

Not over the last few years, but i know plenty of people who never ever have a pot to piss in.
At 35k a year are you entitled to any top up support?

ive been where you are through my ex husband not of My own accord , you need to change your pity me attitude, you can’t afford a big house , expensive school trips charity donations and a dead weight ex partner round your neck you need to cut everything out and I mean everything even things like window cleaners , coffees out , but you don’t want too you don’t seem to want to do anything that could help , you are the charity now so you best get used to it and start digging your way out and stop wallowing in, if I could do it you can !

Any history of ADHD in your family?
People wth ADHD often find it hard to manage their money and they get into debt.

I feel the only way out of debt is get a second job during the weekends/evenings. Not ideal as I bet you are exhausted but when you are in the situation it will only get worse. Once you do that, you should be able to breathe again and enjoy time with your kids more.

This is the worse advice I have ever read here. Get caught would you lose your job. Not the credit cards fault you over spend. Get some good advice not this.

A salary of 35K a year equates to £16.83 an hour. I’m afraid that’s not a lot of money in today’s economy. You’re earning roughly £4 an hour over minimum wage. I’m saying this because maybe you’re not terrible with money. Lots of people are in the same boat, our wages are not keeping up with the cost of living. We assume it’s a flaw in us but it’s the way our economy is designed. Billionaires are getting rich by paying low wages and no tax. Do not follow the advice of some people telling you to just not pay your credit cards. This will have serious repercussions further down the line. My ex husband has just decided to stop paying my maintenance so I totally understand how quickly debt can build up.

No. Not since I discovered YNAB. When I was younger I always had periods where I had no money.

Why do you think a better paid job isn’t possible? Can you not requalify for one?

@Thiscantgoonlikethis
What is your total debt
You are paying 1K
Is that minimum payments?
I know you said you didnt want advice but do you really mean criticism?

Post the numbers and we can help you

Having read your responses to people it sounds rather like you are self-destructive and could possibly do with some counselling or help with your impulsive/addictive behaviours.

Did you grow up poor/insecure? For some people, that leads to an attitude of feeling like money just goes so when you have it, spend it and make the most of it while you can. it can be hard to future plan and hard to break out of the mindsets that established themselves in childhood.

I have no advice unfortunately. But I wish you all the best, this sounds like a stressful way to live

It can also be easy to have an idea in your head of the lifestyle you "should" be able to have on 35k and to constantly beat yourself up for not being able to achieve that when it's really due to cost of living increasing

🥴 Would you lose your job? Credit card company lend somebody money, Person can’t pay it back and you think that’s a sacking offence. millions of people default on Debt every single day, millions of businesses default on Debt every single day.
Why is it only a problem when individuals do it do you think?

Absolute nonsense.

I bet your faith does not dictate that you give to charity even if you are in debt and struggling this much! Also, there is nothing wrong with stopping the payments until you've cleared that debt, and then resuming them. You can even add a few pounds for lost time, but you can't be donating that now.