Does anyone ever have no money at all?

[Thiscantgoonlikethis]

I have a reasonable job (35K) , two children. I co-own a home and pay some of the expenses towards it (council tax, gas and electric, tv licence, virgin, food, insurance) and I run one cheap car. I drive 40 miles a day on my commute.
I owe quite a bit in debt, which accrued when I moved.
I often have no money at all. No money on credit cards to spend. But this month I am skint much earlier than usual.
I don’t want advise. I want solidarity. It feels so lonely. I’m not sure anyone I know lives like this. People are going to pub gardens or to the beach and I’m trying to find some change for a tube of tomato purée.
I’m terrible with money, that much is true. But when you are skint for years, it sort of changes your relationship with money. No one will lend to you so you end up with high interest CCs.
Please don’t tell me to get a better paid job, there isn’t one. I’ve tried. I’m qualified and in the NHS.

Solidarity, OP. I completely get it. I earn around the same as you, but am on my own with DS and rent to pay (no UC). So £900 goes straight out in rent and then the rest just gets eaten up with bills and credit cards. I don’t have a car, never go on holidays, and my friends have stopped inviting me out with them now because they’re sick of always getting the same response. I am also totally shit with money which doesn’t help and always end the month with absolutely nothing left. I can’t remember the last time I opened a letter, they’re all just in a pile. What’s the point? Life is just work and sleep. And my job is similar to yours, too! People who are comfortable financially have no idea how good they have it.

I can see £32 per month going to charities - Oxfam and the Wildlife Trust. I would stop that for now, I am afraid, it's not much but even a small amount will feel better in your pocket - better to be halfway through the month and have £30 than halfway through the month with zero.

The charity donations are not the cause of her hardship. If she wants to stop them, fine. But it's not going to be the make or break.

OP, your relationship seems complex and perhaps fragile. But really the answer to how lots of other people do it, is that they are a proper partnership and do it together. Costs are shared fairly - which might not mean equally - and each partner should have a similar standard of living

Does your partner have spending money after paying the mortgage or is he at zero pence as well?

Yes, sometimes. I've never had a credit card though. Always felt if I did I would just get further and further into debt and never be forced to come up with a sustainable plan for living on the small income I have. I think sometimes they do just allow you to kick the can down the road rather than face up to the fact that you might have to make some radical choices (mine was to move quite a long way to a cheaper part of the country).

If you and your former partner aren't together, what's the plan long term? Have you crunched the numbers on what you'd each have if you sold up and got separate places? Would you maybe be eligible for council housing or housing association? Factor in that he would then have to pay child support, and then how would it work? It must seem daunting, but if you're going to split properly, it might be better to do it sooner rather than later, and then you'll have more of your working life left for financial recovery. This is all stuff where Citizens' Advice might be very helpful.

Mumsnet does skew richer than average. It's my least favourite thing about it - the constant implications that anyone on less than 50k just needs to make more effort, incredulity that people do actually raise families on the average wage or less, lack of understanding of what the average actually is. Sometimes you just have to leave a thread.

Are you and your partner paying fairly for your proportional share of mortgage & all household bills / child expenses (if appropriate)?

You need to cancel all the non-essentials immediately - that money can go on debt repayment. And use the snowball method to address your debts. And one month at a time, stop the unnecessary spending - each time you choose not to buy something eg: from Amazon, immediately pay that off the highest interest debt.

600 over your income is just too much. You are right you can't go on like that.

As hard as it is to face you are going to have to write everything down
Can you switch suppliers for energy
Change bank to get the reward.
Can you put your mortgage on interest only so more is freed up each month to clear the debts.

Solidarity though. It's really hard.

I am just keeping my head above water myself. Just about.

X

Throughout my life there have been periods where I have no money. I'm a spender and when I have money I spend it. It's a repeating cycle. I too have absolutely loads of cc debt. I don't know your circumstances but in an ideal world you would have a side hustle and chuck that money at your cc. Paying them off will make a huge difference. You have to be absolutely ruthless and it's exhausting. Sending solidarity and a hug.

You can't afford holidays or school trips until you clear your credit cards. Go to MSE (Money Saving Expert) and get advice there.

Thankfully no never.

I've had no money a couple of times in my life. It was quite scary. I had to register for a credit card as I needed to pay a vet bill. I managed to slowly turn it around. Partners can be a big factor. My previous one bled me dry. My current one is quite savvy but very boring, no eating out, no alcohol.
I get quite jealous of those who go out drinking regularly and have regular holidays. I think maybe I spend too much on food. I plan to stop spending money on lunch during the week even if it's quite rare and start taking my own near 100% of then time. Penny pinching seems to do wonders though, although quite boring.
I work with a few drug addicts and alcoholics. They are always skint and struggle. It's quite sad.

Hi OP, I know what it's like to have no money. When my son was a baby, I had no money for nappies, meter, food.
Soul destroying and I thank God every day that those days are over.
I am not being judgemental but it does seem that you need support on budgeting.
You are not paying rent or mortgage so should be able to be comfortable on your salary without getting into troublesome debt.
Take care OP

Yes. And tbh the only thing which helped was counselling and sorting out my mental health.

which helped me to change why I was spending money I didn’t have.

i hate using the word mindful, but this is exactly what I use now in my attitude to spending. I was just buying things for the feel good factor it gave me at the time.

This must be really draining ,for me I would be so anxious and unable to function.We were really poor at one stage but so were many of our friends.We had all bought on mortgage rundown cheap properties and doing them up ourselves.we grew so much lucky to have small parcels of land the days of self sufficiency we swapped food,skills,clothes, childcare and had a barter scheme .Never used a CC. Food shop write a list of cheap easy meals and stick to it.Popping to the shops is not for you.Go through clothes ,toys,games etc and sell on Vinted.We used to have jumble sales these were life savers.Swap clothes,toys,books use the library. May be boring but write down every penny you spend.Lastly seek advice from CA but you need to want to do it.If you really have no money for food ask for a referral to a Food Bank. Take control and good luck.

Yes, first husband tried to kill me,boss sacked me, didn't want the scandal. Used my last wage to buy son a bicycle to get to school 5 miles away. 6 weeks wait for benefits, dss got free school meals,I lived on 3 slices of white bread a day, house was repossessed, I lost my last £10 note,had no credit cards

I was in debt for a few years when younger and had zero.

Took a real mindset shift to move me from a spender to a saver, but it is possible.

You are paying £257 for council tax. Your partner must pay half so that frees up £130.
You could add that £130 to your food bill.
You're paying too much on credit card bills.
Its not sustainable.
You can ask them to freeze the interest and start paying a nominal amount.
Im not an adviser .. Im a person of very limited means.
Once I was so desparate about a credit card debt of £2000 that I was seriously considering hari kari.
Was in a park weighing up my options and this older guy said to me : "You mustnt worry about DEBT. It isnt worth it!!! ALL THE BANKS ARE INSURED!"
W e had a liitle chat and watched the ducklings swimming.
I changed my attitude to money that day. I froze the interest ..and started paying £20 per month nominal payment.?
Money came in eventually and I cleared the debt outright.
But I never forgot that mans words!

What do you do in the NHS? You don’t have to stay in the NHS as you say you have a qualification which I’m guessing would be transferable! Whilst the NHS is a mess currently, if you’re good at your job there will be be opportunities to progress!

I never used to be able to get to the end of the month.
I wasn’t a spender, there was just not enough money to live on.

If you’re a single person on UC you get about £300 a month.
Yes you get your rent paid but that £300 a month is to pay for food, electricity, water, internet, getting to job interviews or job centre appointments etc
A bus ticket alone easily costs £10 a day.

I was a single parent so got more money but it just never stretched to the end of the month.
I would regularly not have electricity or toilet roll etc.

I am in a better position now but there’s still no room to create any savings.

OP you say you don't want advice and just want people in similar situations to join in a collective moan fest. What exactly is the point of that?

If you're getting further into debt by the tune of £600 pm can't you see you're going to end up in a huge mess?

It sounds like finances are unfairly distributed in the household with him paying the mortgage you paying everything else.

If he won't join finances and share money fairly, you need to live separately and claim child maintenance and UC. But either way you need to stop getting further into debt before you lose you home.

I agree with much of what you said apart from the mortgage! Never switch to an interest only mortgage as you need to take out a policy to cover the capital, most people don’t bother and then find they have to sell up to pay off the capital! Any financial advice days would not suggest an interest only mortgage,!

GO and speak with Citizens Advice asap.

There are savings to be made and all your debt could be consolidated and the interest frozen.

Giffgaff at £15???
I have Smarty at £6 pcm. And DH a Lebara @ £4 pcm.
Oxfam and Woodland Trust have to be ditched temporarily. Needs must.
.
Can you do a survey or two like another person mentioned.
You can do this OP. Just a little help needed 💐

I've been in your position and had preachy friends tell me it was because I was bad with money.

It wasn't. I lived on the poverty line. I didn't have enough money. I frequently had to feed 2 of us on £25 for half a month. Those judgy friends had never been poor and didn't understand.

I earn more now. I'm an AMAZING saver.

I am confused with all the 'credit card' spends you have listed. For a true outgoings list, you need to specify what you are spending on the cards. Is this ALL old debt, or you are actively buying new things on CC each month?

Agree with PPs, if these are charity donations, that has to stop today.

And maybe I'm crazy here, but tomato puree is not something I'd bother with on a week I am short on cash. It adds extra flavour but isn't needed!

I cancelled my Virgin and TV licence as was hardly using it, I just stream things on the internet now. Saved loads.

Theyre not the cause but it makes the difference between no tomato puree and having plenty of puree! Or, its £360/yr off the debt

I’m a single parent and have been v careful with money & planning to ensure I always have a safety net. I have though been generally able to get decently paid work and am able to be v frugal. My dsis however in good professional job regularly totally runs out of money to the point she needs to borrow…