Does anyone ever have no money at all?

[Thiscantgoonlikethis]

I have a reasonable job (35K) , two children. I co-own a home and pay some of the expenses towards it (council tax, gas and electric, tv licence, virgin, food, insurance) and I run one cheap car. I drive 40 miles a day on my commute.
I owe quite a bit in debt, which accrued when I moved.
I often have no money at all. No money on credit cards to spend. But this month I am skint much earlier than usual.
I don’t want advise. I want solidarity. It feels so lonely. I’m not sure anyone I know lives like this. People are going to pub gardens or to the beach and I’m trying to find some change for a tube of tomato purée.
I’m terrible with money, that much is true. But when you are skint for years, it sort of changes your relationship with money. No one will lend to you so you end up with high interest CCs.
Please don’t tell me to get a better paid job, there isn’t one. I’ve tried. I’m qualified and in the NHS.

Look I’m not one of those people saying ‘I don’t know why I’m skint, I’m really frugal’ I know why I’m skint. In the same way that a thin person cant understand an obese person eating mashed potato sandwiches, most people who are good with money can’t understand me.
I feel that I am seeking something. Whether it’s the thrill of being skint and finding/ making money again, or scraping by another month, or some sort of miracle occurring like having £10 and the exact ingredients I need for the week ending up in the reduced section at 8pm on the day before payday. I don’t know. This time two years ago I was a band 3 admin assistant. If I earned 70K, I would probably still spend it.

Get another debt management plan and also get some help to stay debt free. Can you use a food bank whilst you’re sorting it all out?
are there any free church activities for kids ?
if you work for the NHS can you take on any bank shifts when the dc father has them?

you don’t want advice, you want solidarity but that suggests you’ve accepted this is your life going forward. It doesn’t have to be and you need to think about your dc and how this is impacting them (and obviously the impact on you)

I can sympathise. I am in the same boat for different reasons. Too much month at the end of the money as the joke goes.

I’m assuming you can’t afford a therapist so how about taking it through with ChatGPT to try and figure out what’s going on psychologically.

Obviously there is something going on for you to feel the need to spend beyond your means.

In your previous relationship was your DH in charge of the money?

Do you not feel guilty to your DC that you’re potentially leaving them in debt, not being able to afford things for them, not being a good role model etc

I understand that, I really do. But then you need to plan "against yourself for yourself". That might mean getting help from someone who can control your finances.

But the major problem is that you want to live like you have got more money than you do. 425£ on a school trip is not a necessity when you're broke. Living in a big house in an expensive area isn't coherent either. But surely you most know that, you're an educated woman, probably a social worker. So something else is going on here and I think it's a job for a therapist even if I got some ideas. I wish you well OP.

So many debt payments on your list of outgoings; how much do you owe? I think you can change, but first you need to know where you are.

There's a woman on Instagram who used to be in £40k of debt and she regularly talks about when she used to not be able to get cash out because she was so deep in her overdraft and having to ask her mum for money because all her cards were declined at the checkout. She also describes how lonely it all felt.

You are not alone and there's lots of us out there.

It’s shit. I really relate to previous comment about how isolating it is when you can’t afford tea and cake with a friend or to take part in family events. I can handle free days out with my kid and I’ll bring a picnic but it still sucks when I can’t buy them an icecream without stressing about the impact that will have on my bank balance.

I have £12,000 a year, no mortgage but have to run home, pay for repairs, council tax, all bills, etc. I ran CC bill
almost to its max then reality dawned. I've GOT to sort my own mess out. I got an interest free transfer credit card, worked out how much I needed to pay per month to clear it in the allocated time, tough, but without added interest I did it. Cut my card up or yes, I would have used it again. When I went shopping I looked for bargains that I could freeze, so cheaper food and it lasted the month. So take the advice you give to others and use it yourself, before you loose everything.

OP do you think you could have adhd? I suspect I might have. Are you generally quite disorganised?

You are a Parent FFS and your child should have a parent who is responsible and not one who indulges in woe-is-me-ing.

You say you know that you are reckless and a spendthrift but you are not doing a thing to correct your financial disasters - just seeking sympathy for a plight that is entirely caused by YOU!!!

Stop the Pity Party, grow up and be a responsible parent.

So you are paying over 1 K per month servicing debt?
What is your total debt?
Are you still adding to it?
Why have you got Klarna?
Why are you paying wildlifetrust, oxfam and appliance care?
Get rid thats £300 a year which will cover school uniform and DD shoes easily

That's harsh. The OP may have ADHD (possibly), or perhaps she impulse buys for emotional reasons. Whatever the reason, it's not kind to be so abrupt in the way you reply. Be more understanding, perhaps.

You don’t want advice and instead want empathy. I cannot give empathy to someone who has come on here with a tale of woe on debt and doesn’t want advice on how to sort out the mess she’s created for herself. Especially with nonsense that your religion says it’s ok to get into debt because you must give to charity. So continue as you are.

Call the credit card/loan companies up & tell them you are struggling with the payments and see how they will help.

definitely do not do as the poster upthread said and fuck it off!!

You have to change or you will be in this cycle forever, without the debt payments you wouldn’t have been too bothered about the school trip.

that being said thats an awful expense, from next month can you start saving a token amount for these expenses so its not so painful till you get some debt cleared?

council tax - have you got arrears or paying it for the whole HH - your partner/ex/housemate may need to contribute to this.

kids expenses, it sounds complex, I don’t understand why you have moved in together if not together but he needs to pay for some of these or split them. Esp holiday club next month!

ask for a contribution for the school trip or ask the school in future if they can contact you both or ask for it split (don’t know if they can/will do this)

if you didn’t have the school trip it wouldn’t have been so bad this month. Breaking the debt cycle is the hard part once you do that it gets so much easier, just put yourself through the pain of putting an end to credit.

sorry I know thats advice and not what you asked for but been there and come out the other side!!

I was you many years ago. I had a Husband that was in so much debt. I had to cut the bottom of my sofa to find pennies to buy some bread. I had a weekly budget of £35 to feed 2 adults and 3 children, one week because he had spent so much i had just £17. That was when i lost it, We had a joint account so i opened my own account and took control. From that day on i used cash and only cash, even now when i don't have to worry about what i buy i still take cash from the bank on a Monday and make it last a week, it really is the only way to budget for me. And it really stops you buying things you don't need.Give it a try.

As with previous posters, it does seem like you have accepted this is just what you do. Except you shouldn’t. Get yourself on the debt free wannabe board on MSE. Advice AND solidarity.

I have two company pensions, £600 a month housekeeping from adult kids at home, £200 top up from DH, a small online business, and I'm sitting here with £25 in my bank account and £20 in my purse.
I am always skint by the middle of the month. YANBU.

Op literally said in her post I DON'T WANT ADVICE. Why is everyone giving advice??

What are you spending all your money of if you’re not paying a mortgage?

Because they don’t read

What does she want from it? Everyone to say oh poor you ? Or we can all just say stop bloody moaning and get on with it.

Your faith does not require you to borrow money in order to donate it to others, I can promise you that.

This made me laugh Thiscantgoonlikethis
Im also in money advice and we can be the worst when it comes to our own finances.

Its either budgeting ninjas who live by the excel spreadsheet or (more often) people like me in my perpetual financial chaos.

Definatly solidarity from me

Well, last year the person who spent 5 years studying post a-levels and earns similar didn't send her son on an expensive school trip, because she was about to buy a house outright for cash with her partner and was worried about suddenly finding that the solicitor cost more, or we'd miscalculated the stamp duty, or we needed extra work doing on moving in, or whatever. That wasn't my son's fault either but as the adult in the situation I opted to make a more sensible choice as a secure home for him was more important than a school trip. Nothing at all to do with joy. Sorry OP, I was with you until I saw that and the CC repayments/loan to mum repayments which are quite frankly ridiculous. Your poor daughter deserves better!