My partner and I have different expectations around sleep

[tiredoldthing]

I’m not sure if either of us are being unreasonable here or if it’s just incompatibility.

I’ve been with my partner for seven months. We’ve recently started to stay the night on a regular basis.

I get up at 5:40 in the week, to go to the gym. He is happy to roll out of bed at 8:30, and start work at 9. I don’t wake him in the morning as I leave.

He thinks that the fact I like to be asleep by 11 in the week and midnight at the weekend is “pathetic”. If he had his way we’d be up until 2/3am everyday.

As it stands by Friday I’m exhausted. My eyes are going, I nodded off on the sofa watching the football, and now I’m in bed I’ve been falling asleep. I’ve just about settled down for the night when he’s started to call me boring and said I can cope with a later night because it’s the weekend.

I can obviously have a late night, if I have plans etc., I will. But on an ordinary night I do like my routine because sleep is important to me and I don’t think I get enough of it.

Is one of us being unreasonable? Or are we just incompatible when it comes to this?

What do you want OP to say? She's said she's ending it.

And he isn't what?

I fell asleep shortly after that comment. And I was awake because he was playing video games.

You are not wrong, and you are not childish.

If you haven’t read it, I recommend this book, Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/NEW-Why-We-Sleep-Unlocking-Dreams/dp/B09NMBMYXZ
Matthew Walker is a British author, scientist and professor of neuroscience and psychology at the University of California, Berkeley. As an academic, Walker has focused on the impact of sleep on human health. He has contributed to many scientific research studies. Why We Sleep is his first work of popular science.
(from wikepedia)

One interesting thing I remember from the book is that someone who drives on too little sleep is effectively the equivalent of a drunk driver.

Yeah of course that’s what meant

This OP. He’s just another selfish man. LTB and do whatever the hell you like!

What grown man plays video games in bed?I'd have dumped him for that alone.

I'd need to be in bed at 9.15 and asleep by 9.40 with your schedule.

@tiredoldthing

oh right sorry - missed that bit. Hope the conversation goes as well as it can do

Clearly incompatible and this relationship is totally unsustainable. Please do yourself a favour and end this. As above, grown men should not need to play video games until 2 in the morning many days per week (or ever).

Clear as mud 🤣

It's never fun, but a simple 'it's not working for me'. Will do the job. It's only been a few months & you don't live together. Do it today and get it out of your head.!! Plan a lovely early night & something nice for tomorrow💕

That's what I said.
And it's clear neither of you are prepared to change your lifestyles so you aren't compatible and it's better to move on and find people who are a better match for both of you

Who made your partner the arbiter of what is normal and what is 'pathetic'? I wouldn't be adjusting my sleep schedule for a man who was so rude and dismissive of my feelings.

Remember you don't owe him anything, @tiredoldthing. He's been unpleasant, at the very least. State your incompatibility and don't be drawn further. If he gets verbally abusive (hopefully not) get up and walk. Good luck.

Exactly!!

The problem isn't an incompatibility of schedules. The problem is the disrespectful way he speaks to you.

I think that's what the biscuit 🍪 is for 😅

This isn't an issue because you're going out with someone who has a different sleep pattern to you, but because you're going out with a completely childish knobhead. Having a pop at you because you're sensible and adult? He's a dick, get shut. Run wild and run free (just make sure you're home for 10pm!).

Calling you pathetic is pathetic of him

You are both at extreme opposite ends of the sleep scale. Getting up at 5:40 (basically still night time) is nuts unless you have a night job. Going to bed at 3am is equally ridiculous. If you were both a bit more moderate then it might work, but I can’t see this working out long term tbh. You’re both on completely different schedules and will just end up getting frustrated with each other (and extremely tired in your case!)

Getting up at 5:40 (basically still night time) is nuts unless you have a night job.

LOL no it isnt. it might be for you, but you arent everyone

No but an extremely tiny minority of people will get up at that time unless absolutely necessary. It’s still classed as night time.

Would you also argue that going to bed at 3am isn’t ridiculous? Because it’s essentially the same thing. Extreme behaviour, but at opposite ends of the scale.

If you read this thread you will see its certainly not a tiny minority 🤷‍♀️

There might be compromises that could get your round the incompatibility, but why would you bother given his absolutely foul way of speaking to you?

7 months in is still in the honeymoon stage and he’s calling you names in a disagreement. There’s no compromising round that imo.

Hes very clearly showing you who he is when you disagree. Listen to him.

3am is night time. 5:40 is early morning.