to not want the huge pile of girl baby clothes generously donated by dh's colleague?

[ruthosaurus]

What a nasty, shallow heel of a woman I am - DH's colleague gives us 3 bags and a box for our unborn child (20 weeks today) and it makes me cry because they're so awful...

It's just that I'm not really into pink/Disney/slogans like "if you think I'm cute you should see my daddy" and tbh most of the stuff is worn, bobbly, stained or all 3. Also, I thought you weren't supposed to give kids second-hand shoes (unless actually pretty much unworn)?

DH is a v frugal Yorkshireman, bless him, so has coaxed me into sorting through and keeping some (like, a bin-liner full), before we return the rest so she can ebay it, but I don't LIKE the stuff we chose and feel bad for not letting her just ebay the bloody lot. Being guilt-wracked by all angles of this situation, I have written her a card thanking her for her gift.

He feels that we'd be daft to waste money on new stuff and that this is a gift from heaven.

I feel that I don't want to put my baby into worn-out, pink stuff with bloody Tigger all over it and that there is a faint possibility that relatives may give the baby clothing gifts as well.

We do already have a second hand baby alarm and car-boot high chair, and my mate is selling us a v cheap cot, and I'm wearing a maternity dress I bought on ebay - it's just these particular second hand things I don't like.

Plus, we don't even know we're having a girl. Not that it matters to a newborn baby, but I'm sure the bairn will, if a boy, just LOVE seeing photos of him wearing a "mummy's little princess" sleepsuit in years to come.

AIBU?

no yanbu but I can't think of anything else you can do without seeming rude, sorry, and it does seem as though they were being kind. Can you donate them to a charity shop far far away?

I get so annoyed when people dump a load of unwanted clothes on me. They are generally only doing it for their convenience. I would just give it all back, saying thank you, but you've recieved a load of stuff from other relatives.

IME, Dad's haven't got a clue what is in their childrens wardrobe and what isn't.

Stuff the lot at the back of a cupboard & act grateful. Dress your baby in your clothes and when she's older, hand the bag back, saying "Thanks very much. Saved us a fortune. Thought you'd like them back now we've finished with them, so you can ebay them!"

keep a few not too bad bits, give the rest away to people who really need it (do you do freecycle in your area? or charity shop of course) and enjoy buying for your baby!

(you can always buy on ebay/charity shops if you still want to be frugal/ethical...)

I don't think so. When I was expecting ds1, people i didn't even really know wanted to "help" me.
Especially as it was my 1st, I didn't want aload of 2nd/3rd hand gear.
I think it has more to do with the fact that noone wants to throw out the clothes when their dc grows out of them so when someone else falls pregnant it's just a way to clear out the house without throwing stuff away IYSWIM.
I accepted all the things I was given as didn't want to seem ungrateful and just took it down to the charity shop.

oh hang on, just saw that she wanted to ebay it... take a few things and then hand the rest back. honestly, i'm sure she won't care- she's just trying to get rid.

Give them to charity or a local refuge. I get bags of stuff 'gvien' to me all the time. Its easier to park outside my house than the local Oxfam!!

YEP - You are being unreasonable!

YANBU. Don't feel bad. You have done the right thing and thanked her for the gift.

Its not as though she would make a killing on ebay by the sounds of things anyway.

You may end up using some of the things when you run out of clothes after your baby has pooed on the 5th sleepsuit in a morning, and if you don't just pass them to a charity shop.

When you give 2nd hand clothes, its with the understanding that they can be passed on if not suitable, IMHO, unless otherwise specified.

Its fine, don't stress about it.

"a box for our unborn child "
Sorry, that made me laugh

and talk to your dh. It's reasonable to want a few nice new clothes (or even nice second hand clothes) if you are saving a lot of money on buying everything else second hand.

Ta for useful suggestions, all. DH seems to think colleague will be mortally offended by quantity returned... I guess it's what attics were invented for.

And you're right, Doodle - he doesn't really know what's at the back of his own wardrobe. So there's hope yet.

Lazarou - it flippin' well will end up sleeping in a box, or maybe a drawer, at this rate! Wrapped in an old newspaper, I expect. I must punctuate with more clarity...

hf128219: Feh. That to your opinion.

yanbu

I had exactly the same problem ruthosaurus, my dp was over the moon when he was given a load of clothes by one of friends wife. I ndidn't want them as it was my first baby so I thought I might as well buy everything new and then just keep it all for the next,

I left it all the bag she gave it to me in and when next door's daughter had a baby a few months ago I gave it all to her!

dp was none the wiser and I brought a bottle of wine for the woman who gave it to me, so everyone's happy - expect for my neighbour's daugher who has now a load of new clothes she might not want

Not new clothes - doh!

I like Doodle's plan!

I reckon the OP probably didn't actually cry, just an expression. Though remembering some of the things that made me cry while pg, I could be wrong

Oh, and YANBU at all.

Remembering some of the items I waas'donated' is enough to make me cry!

YA absolutely NBU.

Its your first baby and you should enjoy dressing him/her as you please.

Sneak it off to the charity shop when DH isn't looking.

I really didn't like the pink string bikini with glittery bits on the top bit, aged 3-6 months. Apart from the size, it kind of reminded me of my mate's honeymoon bikini that had "just married" across the bum in diamante. He had matching trunks.

No, but seriously, that one did kind of make me well up, although a lot of it was probably hunger and hormones.

These things have a way of finding themselves put in the next charity bag that comes through the door or even - shock horror - the clothes recycling bin at the town dump!

You are being completely unreasonable, it is very generous of her to want to help you. Even if you have the money to buy new clothes is is still a kind thought.

If I get given things that are not to my taste I say thank you very much. If I give things away I always make it clear I am happy for them to be given to a charity shop or recycled if not wanted. You could easily keep a couple of items to save face and return the rest saying you've been given so much you wondered if there was anyone else who need the clothes more but please be gracious.