to not want the huge pile of girl baby clothes generously donated by dh's colleague?

[ruthosaurus]

What a nasty, shallow heel of a woman I am - DH's colleague gives us 3 bags and a box for our unborn child (20 weeks today) and it makes me cry because they're so awful...

It's just that I'm not really into pink/Disney/slogans like "if you think I'm cute you should see my daddy" and tbh most of the stuff is worn, bobbly, stained or all 3. Also, I thought you weren't supposed to give kids second-hand shoes (unless actually pretty much unworn)?

DH is a v frugal Yorkshireman, bless him, so has coaxed me into sorting through and keeping some (like, a bin-liner full), before we return the rest so she can ebay it, but I don't LIKE the stuff we chose and feel bad for not letting her just ebay the bloody lot. Being guilt-wracked by all angles of this situation, I have written her a card thanking her for her gift.

He feels that we'd be daft to waste money on new stuff and that this is a gift from heaven.

I feel that I don't want to put my baby into worn-out, pink stuff with bloody Tigger all over it and that there is a faint possibility that relatives may give the baby clothing gifts as well.

We do already have a second hand baby alarm and car-boot high chair, and my mate is selling us a v cheap cot, and I'm wearing a maternity dress I bought on ebay - it's just these particular second hand things I don't like.

Plus, we don't even know we're having a girl. Not that it matters to a newborn baby, but I'm sure the bairn will, if a boy, just LOVE seeing photos of him wearing a "mummy's little princess" sleepsuit in years to come.

AIBU?

ANyway, the loft idea is a good compromise. For now. But if you're anything like me, in a few years time your loft will be overflowing with stuff 'generously' given to you that you don't want or need, and you feel too guilty to get rid of it.

No belgo, by then you have forgotten where it came from and so can throw it out in good conscience. As I have said on this thread, or the nasty one, it's not logical

Totally - we used to get stuff that smelled of 20 years of fags and booze, stuff with food down it, stuff with rips and holes, stuff you wouldn't line the dog's basket with, basically. Sorting through clothes donations is one of the more minging jobs in your local Save the Children. They can't wash stuff (although they quite often have to iron good but crumpled items) so it just used to go right into the bin out the back. They just don't have the resources to be schlepping to the recyc centre (or didn't when I worked there years ago) so donating crappy stuff actually costs the charity money rather than making them money.

I guess a fabric recyc bank is the answer, but I for one don't have one local to me.

Well done you op! That was a really well-considered and sensible post.

Don't worry - when your child is a bit bigger he/she can have a "dressing up" bag and anything kindly meant but totally unsuitable can go in there!

I have a very dear friend who passed on lots of things which I thought were age-inappropriate or just not quite "nice enough" for my dds - some of this stuff has been turned into absolutely brilliant dressing up outfits, including the horrid polyester red sequin number that became the basis of a prize winning fancy dress outfit!

oops - cross post, sorry.

Ooh - LOVE the dressing up box idea! I wish I'd kept mine from childhood as it had loads of my mum's 70s maternity stuff! Would have been bang on trend and v ethical with the recycling angle right now.

We used to camp out in the smocks, as kids .

ruthosauras, local childrens charity shop sell the rags to the rag man. so do the BHF shop as well.

Lol - my dd1, aged about 14 months at the time, used to have hours of fun sliming around the floor in an old black skirt of mine "being a slug"!!

I have a mate with an only dd (*a bit older than our dc)& a serious catalogue habit.

We have benefitted to the tune of literally dozens of French designer toddler outfits that I'm far too mean sensible to shell out for myself!

However, her taste quite often isn't mine, especially as her dd gets older & chooses her own stuff (very fairy glitter princess she is...). I've found I just have to be cheerfully honest - 'We'll just cherry pick through these 3 binbags full - would you rather I did it here & left you the stuff we won't use, or shall I just take the lot home & drop what we don't want off at the charity shop?'. She's fine with it - saves her schlepping it to the charity shop.

With someone you don't know as well I think the 'shove in loft, return when outgrown' tactic is probably best - except you could well be receiving similar consignments till your respective dc are teenagers!

Am a bit by some of the reactions on the thread!

Had just the same thing when my DD1 was born. A good friend kindly gave me a few bin bags full of clothes from her 2 sons. Most of it was either really tatty or not to my taste. I went through the bags and salvaged a few bits which could be emergency use only (think 8th poo leaking in a day!). Rest went in loft. When DD1 had outgrown the stuff, I asked her if she wanted it back or if I should charity shop it. Job done!

You haven't done anything bad - you have been gracious and said thank you, so now have a quick sort to see if anythign can be used for poo emergencies, get DH to put the rest in loft, then have some choc to reward yourself for getting thought the ordeal of this thread!

She should have asked if you wanted them though, before handing them over.

Are there really such things as baby bikinis? ......

Sadly, this is not going to end when your baby is born! And it won't always be second hand Minging Crap either. When I was pg with DD1 I asked very specifically that people not buy us lots of pink should we have a girl. Well, DD1 was (oviously) a girl, and what did we get, pinl, pink, pink and more pink. She had auburn hair and jaundice, can you imagine how bad she looked in pink????

When it comes to second hand stuff that you don't like you just sift out any neutral stuff that you may use and freecycle/whatever the rest. In this case I'd pick out the neutral stuff ans give back all the pink tigger crap saying you don't know what your having etc etc. It is certainly not acceptable togive people stained and battered clothes, thats just yucky!

The new stuff that you'll get given that makes you gag (and there will be plenty, even from people you thought knew you well!) will hopefully have labels/tags on it so just take it back to the relevant shop and exchange it for something you do like. When I said I was going to do this with stuff people got us for DD1, DP said I was being ungrateful, I asked him if he would have chosen these items for our daughter and he said no, so I said it was better to exchange them for something we would use than to put the vile stuff away and never use it.

YANBU. At all!!!

Monkies

YANBU

I see what you mean and i agree that sometimes - SOMETIMES- people just need to clear out their place and it lands in your lap. for you to then have to deal with.

missed the other controversial thread but dont feel bad op, i understand where you're coming from

I had lots of second hand stuff for mine and I loved it because it meant that I could indulge myself with some fabulous ludicrously expensive bits and pieces when I wanted to because I hadn't had to spend money on everyday things. But I never dressed them in anything horrible - just ocasionally in stuff that wasn't to my taste when it was the 6th change of the morning.

Now I feel really bad, my poor ds must be a deprived child! I have only ever bought him 3 vests and 2 pair pjamas since he was born (he is now nearly 10ms). Everything else has been 2nd hand.

I thought we were doing really well to have recycled and therefore helped environment and finances.

Now I see that I should have been more concerned that he was dressed in appropriately stylish clothes.

Don't worry timewaster I am clearly a bit insane too as I actually quite enjoy dressing DD in pre-loved outfits! I could claim fine motives about the environment but really I like babygros that are a bit bobbly and smell of someone else's washing powder. I like the idea that another child has enjoyed wearing them. I really enjoy rooting through a fresh consignment. So much nicer than some cheapo thing I bought from the supermarket that everyone else has got too.

Just keep one or two things, so that if you see the 'donor' you can have an item to put on your child.

DO give it all away to a charity shop. LOTS of people will buy children's clothes, by the time you get to your thrid of fourth child, you get less fussy! That's not a criticism. I put my son in tesco jogging bottoms, horrendous I know! I would never have put my pfb in jogging bottoms!

My kids are often/always dressed in "preloved" clothes.

When dd1 was born we got literally suitcases full of clothes, a lot of which was awful. Took loads back - in M&S they gave us vouchers with which we then went and bought ourselves a nice dinner from the food hall!

Some stuff we thought was nice but just didn't need (10th 3 pack of babygros etc) , we kept to give as presents to other people (with a note on about who they were from, just in case!!)

It pays financially, and environmentally, to be a bit mercenary about baby clothes and things.

"DH is a v frugal Yorkshireman, bless him"

Ok so what's really going on here is a money issue. I think the second-hand clothes issue is just an example you're giving us as to how you and your DH have differing attitudes towards money. It can be very stressful to have a partner with different ideas on how to spend your cash.

I'm no expert but I'm sure there's a self-help book you can buy about this.... I'd definitely try and get a handle on this one otherwise it could spiral into something much bigger as the years go on and become a political hot potato as it were within your marriage! I feel sad that you're crying about this.....just part of the pregnancy hormones I'm sure.....you are not nasty or shallow... just practical... and preggers!

Whatever you do, don't go offending his colleague as then you really might have financial problems to worry about!! Just chuck it all away and keep one or two items you can put on the baby if you need to.

wish someone wpould give me big bag ofclothes x

you'll go through loads of clothes with nappy explosion, milk coming up - & it's great to have loads of changes. Give them back when you've finished with them.

EXPATINSCOTLAND are you taking donations for your little man ?
After your two girls, I expect you will need a whole new wardrobe for you male addition to the family.
I need to wait until next week to find out if I am having a girl or a boy. If I am having a girl, I have soem lovely and some not too bobbly beautiful boys bits, that belonged to ds, and will not be needed again(BECAUSE I AM NEVER GOING TO BE PREGNANT AGAIN - would you like them ?

Yes expat, I am having a DD in November and now have a load of spare clothes from DS if you want them.