to not want the huge pile of girl baby clothes generously donated by dh's colleague?

[ruthosaurus]

What a nasty, shallow heel of a woman I am - DH's colleague gives us 3 bags and a box for our unborn child (20 weeks today) and it makes me cry because they're so awful...

It's just that I'm not really into pink/Disney/slogans like "if you think I'm cute you should see my daddy" and tbh most of the stuff is worn, bobbly, stained or all 3. Also, I thought you weren't supposed to give kids second-hand shoes (unless actually pretty much unworn)?

DH is a v frugal Yorkshireman, bless him, so has coaxed me into sorting through and keeping some (like, a bin-liner full), before we return the rest so she can ebay it, but I don't LIKE the stuff we chose and feel bad for not letting her just ebay the bloody lot. Being guilt-wracked by all angles of this situation, I have written her a card thanking her for her gift.

He feels that we'd be daft to waste money on new stuff and that this is a gift from heaven.

I feel that I don't want to put my baby into worn-out, pink stuff with bloody Tigger all over it and that there is a faint possibility that relatives may give the baby clothing gifts as well.

We do already have a second hand baby alarm and car-boot high chair, and my mate is selling us a v cheap cot, and I'm wearing a maternity dress I bought on ebay - it's just these particular second hand things I don't like.

Plus, we don't even know we're having a girl. Not that it matters to a newborn baby, but I'm sure the bairn will, if a boy, just LOVE seeing photos of him wearing a "mummy's little princess" sleepsuit in years to come.

AIBU?

'my mate's honeymoon bikini that had "just married" across the bum in diamante. He had matching trunks.'

PMSL

Sorry I've just re-read the op and seen that you thanked her. So just stick them in a box somewhere but don't waste your tears, save them for more important things.

YANBU. Most people would shudder at putting their newborn - especially their precious first into second hand clobber. However return most of it so that the owners can at least perhaps get some cash for it on ebay, and thank them unreservedly for the stuff you have decided to keep. Simple .

To keep your hubby happy just tell him you will use it and buy new stuff anyway. Trust me you will get used to this .

yeah, you are being unreasonable, but i would have been exactly the same. I was very much, new stuff only for DD when she was born. I mean, WTF??? How much money did i waste?? LOADS is how much. They grow out of stuff so quickly. Babies can go through three of four clothing changes a DAY, if i were you i would gratefully accept, and give it ALL back to her apart from the unisex stuff. You'll be grateful for it i promise you.

Add up all the money you would have saved by buying this stuff new and eitehr splurge on a pressie for yourself or something really special for baby. Alternatively, put it into a bank account for her/him

you know it makes sense. Just because you have all this secondy stuff, doesnt mean you can't indulge in some really nice stuff too - in fact it means you can indulge in the odd boden goody!

YANBU.

You would be if you'd made it clear to her that you thought the clothes were naff and load of old rubbish.
But you didn't.

Take a few neutral items out, hand the rest back with a box of chocolates to say thank you.

Tell them a relative / friend has kindly given you a HUGE voucher for baby things, and you're going to order them after you know what sex the baby is.

thats a bit hard fiofio.

i would not have wanted my children dressed in bobbly stained clothes either.

as long as you are polite and thank the lady who gave you the clothes i cant see what the problem is.

I very happily and gratefully put both my children in 2nd hand clothes, even as newborns. That's what washing machines are for. What's so specially clean about new clothes, they are probably made in a sweatshop somewhere.

Baby wears clothes once, one leaky nappy and one wash later they are stained and bobbly.

i'm happy to take anything offered.

why spend an extra bob or two when you can get it for free?

don't really see the point in nicey nice clothes on newborns.

YANBU

And you have acknowledged this person feels they are helping and your DH is trying to save some money.

But how is this person to know if you dont use the stuff, and you can tell your DH that they just did;nt fit - most men never seem to know what's in there DC's wardrobes anyway if mine and friends experiences are anything to go buy.

Maybe a few years down the line you will feel differently, but for now just keep a few to please her and your DH, but dont have any intention of using them. Infact once you DC (congrats by the way) is passed the age they are you can offer them back again to be sold.

FWIW my DD is nearly 5 and very clothes aware. A bag of second hand clothes for her now is like her Christmas and birthdays have all come at once, and it's all I can do to make sure she's not wearing stuff that is about 3 sizes to big

TBH, I was grateful that DD was given some awful clothing that was old and worn. She was sooo messy at times, runny poo, then as she weaned messy with food, it stopped her best clothes getting ruined!

I think that your dh is right in principle, but probably not in practice. There's one thing about getting a load of nice second hand clothes, and most people would indeed be very happy with this, and another in getting a load of unsorted clothes of dubious taste. You are also in a slightly difficult situation because you have to return what you don't like, where normally people will say take what you like and give the rest to a charity shop. When passing down clothes to my sister I always vetted first. If I didn't think I'd put a child of mine in something (should I be in the unlikely situation of having a child) I wouldn't pass it on to her. She veto'd plenty of things anyway because they weren't to her taste. No problem. Are these new born clothes anyway? Not helpful to give a new mum clothes larger than 18mths IMO. You'll have so much stuff, it will be room you will be lacking!

i'd love some nobbly, worn boys clothes. has she got any of those?

going to need every penny to fecking heat this place come winter.

Message withdrawn

Dont think you are BU, but those crappy old clothes def come in handy if your not going anywhere. DD is 12 weeks and 90% of her clothes are 2nd hand. She is in a Pavlik Harness so i cant dress her properly anyway and i was really grateful for the bigger babygros.

U dont feel so bad about them pooing just after youve done a nappy change when its old stuff.

I do draw the line at bobbly tho - but someone will always be able to use it. I was given masses and passed it on as DD outgre the newborn stuff very quickly..

I was given loads of stuff for ds when I was pg and after he was born, most of it was great and I was v v v v grateful for it, but some of it was not - and I did get the impression some of it was given to me to save the giver the hassle of disposing of it - one item was a badly stained and cig smoke smelling travel cot, which had a rip in one of the sides, the other was a manky highchair with a broken mechanism. I thanked the giver in both cases and quietly took said items down the skip.
I actually think it is bit cheeky to pass on stuff that isn't in reasonable condition (though I wouldn't expect new condition, just useable!), because it puts the receiver in an awkward position of being grateful for being given what is essentially rubbish to be disposed of!
Ruthosaurus - keep what you'll use and donate the rest to charity.
Incidentally I have just passed on some bits and pieces to DH's cousin who is expecting in September - just neutral vests, sleepsuits, babygros and a snowsuit. They are all in very good condition, but I have said to her anything she doesn't want pass onto charity, as I appreciate it might not be want she is wanting.
If she has a boy I'll pass her a few of my boy outfits but I know she'll want to buy a few of her own and mine my not be too her taste!

Think there is a difference between "I won't use second hand clothes" which is frankly daft and "I don't want clothes I dislike" which is perfectly reasonable! She has said thank you, has cast no aspersions on the colleague (apart from saying here that she has awful taste in baby clothes) and as she has been asked to return things she doesn't want, she can't really charity shop them in good faith can she?

There is no reason to dress your child in any of these clothes if you don't want to, you can pass them to a charity shop or recycle if they are v old and stained.

I think it is a sweet thought that somebody went to the trouble of giving you them and worthy of a thank you card and some gratitude, even if you don't like them.

FWIW I would have loved somebody to have given me clothes for the baby whilst I was pregnant, and I am very happy for my child to have second hand clothes - I bought second hand baby things and still buy a lot from car boot sales. I would only put her in things I like however, and I have countless comments about how gorgeous she looks in what are in fact second hand clothes.

I always think that insisting on new stuff for babies is a bit precious, and clearly if everyone had the same attitude it would be extremely wasteful.

I like to pass on good quality things in good condition (hardly worn Boden etc) to other people but this is a social minefield - some are delighted as I would be, others you really wish you had never offered. I don't offer my child's clothes so that whoever takes them is doing me a favour...I could sell the things I give away on ebay or at a car bootor I could donate to charity shops. I offer things because I wish someone had done the same for me!

I only ever give second hand children's clothes to people if they ask for them (that's happened once). It's a hassle getting rid of stuff that you don't want or don't need. Which is why people give it to you in the first place.