to not want the huge pile of girl baby clothes generously donated by dh's colleague?

[ruthosaurus]

What a nasty, shallow heel of a woman I am - DH's colleague gives us 3 bags and a box for our unborn child (20 weeks today) and it makes me cry because they're so awful...

It's just that I'm not really into pink/Disney/slogans like "if you think I'm cute you should see my daddy" and tbh most of the stuff is worn, bobbly, stained or all 3. Also, I thought you weren't supposed to give kids second-hand shoes (unless actually pretty much unworn)?

DH is a v frugal Yorkshireman, bless him, so has coaxed me into sorting through and keeping some (like, a bin-liner full), before we return the rest so she can ebay it, but I don't LIKE the stuff we chose and feel bad for not letting her just ebay the bloody lot. Being guilt-wracked by all angles of this situation, I have written her a card thanking her for her gift.

He feels that we'd be daft to waste money on new stuff and that this is a gift from heaven.

I feel that I don't want to put my baby into worn-out, pink stuff with bloody Tigger all over it and that there is a faint possibility that relatives may give the baby clothing gifts as well.

We do already have a second hand baby alarm and car-boot high chair, and my mate is selling us a v cheap cot, and I'm wearing a maternity dress I bought on ebay - it's just these particular second hand things I don't like.

Plus, we don't even know we're having a girl. Not that it matters to a newborn baby, but I'm sure the bairn will, if a boy, just LOVE seeing photos of him wearing a "mummy's little princess" sleepsuit in years to come.

AIBU?

i was a ungrateful cow when pregnant with my pfb, anything i was given was put straight into the bin and i ordered everything from the newborn section at next instead.

6 years on i cant believe how mad i must have been but i dont think that the op on this thread is saying anything thats so bad.

2nd hand does not have to mean crap.

With a bit of luck, you will be given quite alot of new baby clothes if this is your first born. I think people only make money from baby clothes on ebay if they are in good condition, so unless she actually asked you to return clothes so that she can sell them, I see no problem if you take some to the charity shop. I pass on baby clothes to friends, but I accept that their taste may be different to mine and don't have a problem if they don't use them - I wouldn't even mind if they tried to sell them.

I think its very, very odd to pass on girly baby clothes to a child whose sex is not yet known.

To be honest, I would just put them at the back of the wardrobe and forget about them until your child has outgrown them (assuming the baby is a girl - if its a boy give them to charity).

Obviously it's your perogative to dress your child to your taste.. however I would point out that a lot of baby clothes are worn 'blink and you'll miss it'.

I'd try not to over-invest financially into your baby's wardrobe - you get much better wear and fewer hand-me-downs from 18 m.o. .

FWIW until she was 1 y.o. my pfb was dressed virtually entirely in hand-me-downs and second hand stuff. I only really bought vests and sleep suits. Clothes matter more now she's 4, since she cares more about what she wears. I feel like I should buy her good quality well designed items to held develop her taste in clothes.

yanbu but don't stress about it, tell dh you're not putting the baby in them and hope for a boy.

"I really didn't like the pink string bikini with glittery bits on the top bit, aged 3-6 months"

I challenge any Mumsnetter to be overjoyed at being given a gift such as the above for her unborn child, particularly if the sex is as yet unknown.

Sometimes I think decluttering and giving can be confused.

"It's a hassle getting rid of stuff that you don't want or don't need. Which is why people give it to you in the first place."

Sorry but that is utter ungrateful disgusting and obnoxious CRAP.

How is it more difficult to put into your bin outside your back door than to give it away?

Who is the horrid one here, the one who gives to others instead of putting it in the bin or the one who thinks someone would only give a present because it is too much effort to put it in their bin instead?

binning clothes?

nooooo

the bhf shop gets money even for rags.

Don't put it in the bin at the back door - goes straight in to landfill!

Recycle - charity shop/clothes recycling point.

S'nother job to do, innit?!

Not the case DarthVader - a lot of people (not you it would seem!) cannot bring themselves in all conscience to bin clothes and clog up landfill with yet more stuff, so it becomes a hassle for them in that they must therefore take it to a charity shop or put in a textile recyling bank...... So it is possibly an easy halo shining option just to bag up your unwanted clothes and pass it to a work colleague for a new baby, others however are motivated by a desire to be helpful and kind in passing on used clothes

OP is not being unreasonable. You want to buy nice stuff for your first baby. I certainly did.
Expat, I've got tons of boys stuff which I've been keeping 'just in case' if you want it. We're unlikely to have another one.

I pass DS's clothes on (nothing stain or too worn) to a friend who's son is a year younger. I always ask first and she knows I wouldnt be offended in anyway if she didnt like them and passed them on or gave them to charity.

I personally dont like used clothes but as I was the last in my family to have a child, nobody had anything to pass on anyway lol so didnt have the OP's problem. Friends know me well enough to know my preference re clothes.

I'm the same turniphead - I only pass on the good stuff.

Perhaps I should take my wheely bin in to my office each week and distrubute the contents amongst the staff to salve my conscience then

I cannot really accept that this is the same principle that folk give away baby clothes hmc

when i sort clothes its box for keeping, stuff to lend/give to my sisters, stuff for charity and stuff for the rag bin.

Whatever..

I think you need to go and kick the dog or something

please phone your local womens aid and they will come and pick up the clothes that you dont want. Some women and their children leave home in awful circumstances and will need a few clothes until they sort themselves out,even if they are a bit staiined in places. YANBU.

apologies
hormonal

YANBU not to want a baby bikini. They are ghastly.

It is unreasonable, and this is not aimed at the OP, to suggest that the person who gave these things was doing it with any motive other than to try to save the OP a bit of money and effort.

I really think that if you don't actually know a person's motives for doing something, then it is reasonable to assume the best of them rather than the worst.

You are doing the right thing by keeping some and letting her sell the rest. Use things like sleepsuits that no-one else really sees. Recycle the rest. Thank her profusely

Fio, you're really incredibly rude.

YANBU. You shouldn't have to dress your baby in clothes you don't like just to keep someone elses face straight. I imagine that the person who passed them on to you bought them new and got pleasure from this and from dressing her baby how she wanted.

I put loads of clothes away that my dd grew out of and then when i did have another girl I thought I would be fine for clothes. But when I came back to them some of the are actual rags. Bobbly vests. Baggy tights. Pinafores where the outside has shrunk a bit bit the lining hasn't. But I thought that they were fine when I put them away.

Yes of course the things that are really bad, like the bikini, should be passed on or returned graciously and not kept for baby. But the thought was still kindly meant I feel and to accuse givers of dumping stuff on people because they can't be bothered to go to the charity shop is daft.

And binning clothes is wrong on so many levels.

Teabreakgirl's post is very sensible indeed -please consider something like that.

chuckitaway and buy a few things that you really like. Honestly, life is too short to let other people's baggage hang around you. And good on you for taking a stand against the evil that is the Disney corporation.

Wow - what a can or worms! I love the idea of taking them to a refuge as I worked in a charity shop for a bit and know that they will just have to bin any that won't sell, so it then causes the shop problems and costs the charity money.

I bet some of those clothes were really loved and treasured and I'm totally intending to keep some of my own kiddie's nicest or most memorable stuff as keepsakes for her/him to look at when s/he's older (and to embarrass potential new squeezes with). My dad kept my first baby shoes for me, bless his sentimental old heart. I also bet, like savoycabbage, that DH's colleague thought some of them were in better nick than they are.

I didn't mean to be mean about the giver - I think it's more resenting feeling pressured into keeping and using it by a combination of DH being inexorably sensible and frugal and me being worried about causing offence (after all, she was just being nice).

It sounds like a lot of us have dealt with this issue in a lot of different ways.

Anyway, the bag is going in the attic for now and we'll see what happens to it.

that's interesting that it costs the charity shops money to get rid of unsold stuff. It just shows you shouldn't dump rubbish on a charity shop either.