to not want the huge pile of girl baby clothes generously donated by dh's colleague?

[ruthosaurus]

What a nasty, shallow heel of a woman I am - DH's colleague gives us 3 bags and a box for our unborn child (20 weeks today) and it makes me cry because they're so awful...

It's just that I'm not really into pink/Disney/slogans like "if you think I'm cute you should see my daddy" and tbh most of the stuff is worn, bobbly, stained or all 3. Also, I thought you weren't supposed to give kids second-hand shoes (unless actually pretty much unworn)?

DH is a v frugal Yorkshireman, bless him, so has coaxed me into sorting through and keeping some (like, a bin-liner full), before we return the rest so she can ebay it, but I don't LIKE the stuff we chose and feel bad for not letting her just ebay the bloody lot. Being guilt-wracked by all angles of this situation, I have written her a card thanking her for her gift.

He feels that we'd be daft to waste money on new stuff and that this is a gift from heaven.

I feel that I don't want to put my baby into worn-out, pink stuff with bloody Tigger all over it and that there is a faint possibility that relatives may give the baby clothing gifts as well.

We do already have a second hand baby alarm and car-boot high chair, and my mate is selling us a v cheap cot, and I'm wearing a maternity dress I bought on ebay - it's just these particular second hand things I don't like.

Plus, we don't even know we're having a girl. Not that it matters to a newborn baby, but I'm sure the bairn will, if a boy, just LOVE seeing photos of him wearing a "mummy's little princess" sleepsuit in years to come.

AIBU?

I found things that I wouldn't have bought myself surprisingly useful for emergency running-out-of-clean-stuff occasions (particularly if you get a sicky baby!), for mopping up and (later) for dressing up dolls in.

I understand where you are coming from.
I'm all for saving the pennies with kids' clothes and equipment but I understand that you feel strongly about the clothes that your baby will be in, especially when newborn.
If I were you I would just not use the clothes, your dp won't know men take no notice of this sort of stuff.

You are being unreasonable and the idea that people "shudder" at the idea of putting babies into second hand clothes would be laughable if it wasn't so snooty and misguided.

Babies grow out of clothes so quickly that it is simply wasteful to buy them too much and the more you can get away with kindly given donations the better. Have a couple of things for when she's going to be seen by people whose opinion you really give a damn about; of course we all want to specifically choose a few things for our babies, but save some of the better stuff for slob out days, or for when you haven't managed to keep up with the washing or drying, or even for sleeping in.

We are heading for an environmental breakdown, costs of everything are rising - why on earth would people be dismissive of second hand things?

Keep some, return the others graciously and remember that your baby really won't care what he/she is wearing!

And by the time that your child is growing so quickly that you can almost see it happening, you will be very grateful to be able to save a few pounds on keeping him/her clothed!

Please save yourself some agony - there are much bigger things to get het up about. And if the worst comes to the worst and you really can't stand any of them, loft them for a few months and then return with thanks - and flowers.

i think it sounds spoilt and childish all 3 of my children have worn some secondhand stuff not bcos i cant afford to clothe them purely because friends were kind enough to give things to me - i often give my boys stuff away in fact i fequently have a waiting list for items a next jumper is now on its 4th child and still in vgc.

a woman who lives near me was walking home one day her son was walking awkwardly and she reluctantly told me his shoes were too small she couldnt afford to buy any until she gor her income support on the tuesday i gave her a pair my ds had grown out of and she cried- she wasnt ashamed that someone else had worn them she was pleased her son had shoes that fitted do u know y??cos she lives in the real world a world where money doesnt equate to love.

The op has said that she already has second hand stuff. I have read her post quite a few times now and she does not say at any point that she only wants new stuff and hates second hand.
She states, clearly I believe, that she doesn't want her baby to wear nasty, tatty and stained clothing. Why should anyone vilify her for that?

Anyway, if you don't know what you are having there is little point in accepting clothes at this stage. Tell your dh to take them back and say that becasue you don't know if the baby is a boy or a girl yet then you feel cheeky accepting them.
That way, nobody is offended and your dh doesn't look like a right dicky doo dar for accepting them in the first place.

i 'shudder' at some baby clothes. whether new or second hand.

think its crazy you have been given bags and bags of girls clothes and you dont even know if you are having a girl.

I don't understand as one poster put it, people would "shudder" at the thought of 2nd hand clothes on their pfb. Why? I was more than grateful for things people gave me, whether I wanted/liked/needed them or not. The thought is important and very kind. Does it really matter if everything is to your taste? Or is fashion that important on a newborn?

I have 3 dds and bags and bags of barely worn clothes (most of them less than a year old) I'm keeping to give to (not offload onto) my best friend if she has a girl. If I wanted to offload them I'd give them to charity.

I said I'd keep them and she could come over and rifle through, taking what she wanted. Am now paranoid that she'll come, take some things to be polite then go away and post on MN about how she shuddered having to touch pre-worn baby clothes and how she wants to arrange a MN meet up for a collective burning of second hand garments

BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT THE OP SAID! stop reading what's not there

meh

Come on, there are some horrible baby clothes out there! Especially all the really tacky (and slightly disturbing) stuff for girls. I don't think it's just about nice clothes for show, it's about not feeling you have to put your child into stuff that you actively dislike. Three bags and a box is a lot of stuff too, and I can imagine that if the "pink string bikini with glittery bits on the top bit, aged 3-6 months" was representative it probably was a depressing to feel that you were being expected to not only take it, but then use it too.

then just huck it in the recycle bin and be done with it if you don't like it.

I don't think the op was 'given' anything. It sounds very much as if she was used instead of the local dump/charity shop.

Some strong words there Fio, I think you are being a bit harsh. She is expecting her pfb and doesn't (like a lot of people) like disney bits and bobs. It is a pleasure and a priviledge to dress your baby the way you see fit. I would return the vast majority and say you didn't need it.

privilege

I don't LIKE the stuff we chose and feel bad for not letting her just ebay the bloody lot. Being guilt-wracked by all angles of this situation, I have written her a card thanking her for her gift.
...
I feel that I don't want to put my baby into worn-out, pink stuff with bloody Tigger all over

sounds reasonable enough to me

Let your dh deal with it and have a nice cup of tea

Best advice from lazarou!