AIBU to think this is a bit much to ask for school run?

[Kim926]

Our next-door neighbours have a daughter in the same Reception class as my son.

We already help each other with school pick-ups occasionally, and I've been happy with that arrangement.

The mum is now increasing her working days to three days a week after maternity leave and has asked if, on those three mornings, they can leave their daughter with us before work so that I can take her to school with my son.

For a bit more context, the mum isn't unable to drive, but she doesn't drive. Her husband drives her to work, which is about 15 minutes away, and this is why they need someone else to take their daughter to school on those mornings.

They literally live next door and I'm obviously going to the same school anyway, so I know it might not sound like a huge extra task. I also have a two-year-old at home, though, and mornings with my own two children are already busy.

I think what has made me uncomfortable is that this isn't really an occasional favour or helping out in an emergency. It would be a regular three-day-a-week arrangement because of their change in working pattern. It feels a little like their childcare/school run responsibility is being transferred to us simply because we happen to live next door and our children attend the same school.

I also feel awkward saying no because we are literally next-door neighbours and I will inevitably see them at school drop-off on the days I've said I can't do it.

AIBU to think three mornings every week is quite a lot to ask of a neighbour? Or is this considered a fairly normal favour between families when the children go to the same school?

Sounds like they leave the car at home for dad and children to use which is understandable so if he has access to the car and is home, there is no need for you to take her. He can.

Absolutely not.

I might agree to take the child to school but not have them dropped off, weird of her to ask in my book

Quite

Tricky one

mornings can be difficult and an extra child is a lot of responsibility

but I do feel that we are increasingly isolated as a society, much less keen to help each other through things and the overall effect is negative for everyone. It used to be normal.

could you suggest one term only - see how it goes and give her time to sort herself out ?

I think I would explain mornings are busy with you 2-year old and say you can give it a try for a couple of weeks but you’re not sure if it will work and they may need to make another arrangement, also as 2yo grows things may change so you want flex to be able to stop the arrangement without hard feekings…
Also what is the quid pro quo - will she babysit for you once a week so that you and hubs can get a date night? Are there nights where she can pick up your DC, or will she provide some school holiday care while you are at work? This has to be a reciprocal arrangement, not just that you bail her out.
Also agree what will happen on days your child is sick and you aren’t able to take them in.
Once you’ve talked through all of that she might naturally decide that a paid childminder is a better idea…

Someone elses phobia i mean she had lessons and managed to pass her test is no one elses problem
I say this as someone who was a very nervous driver and just didnt learn but I had to pass my test to get my DC to school so I just got on with it .

Yes I brought up the word nice

I really dont give 2 shits anymore whether people think Im nice
Nice is really "reliquish your boundaries so I get what I want, if you dont I will call you names"
Not that nice really

" help each other"
Is key here

Mostly its a one way street now and hence Cheeky Fuckers was born

Oh wow, I just saw the dad is a stay at home parent. Quite clearly he should do the school runs, as per the stay at home parent usual role!

a couple of police women who did reciprocal childcare like this got into trouble for running an unofficial childminding service. It was a while ago, but you should check what the regulations say now. https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2009/sep/28/government-orders-review-babysitting-police

Omg it gets worse!
So instead of buying a small runaround so that they each have a car he drives her to work
CFery at its finest

Having a phobia doesn’t mean you get to handball responsibility to a neighbour/ someone else.

You can WFH, live on a bus, train route or cycle not have three kids then think oh no all my neighbours will have to step up and take my kids to school.

Yes, agree. It is nothing to do with being nice or not nice or doing something that you’re doing anyway - this is how OP’s neighbours think. In modern life, everyone makes choices. I have made a choice to lessen my career so that we can survive as a family unit. Everyone makes these sacrifices, and yes sometimes families dont have the choice. It sounds like your neighbours have a level of choice in their life as they have three children and he works from home. They have made choices. In which case, it’s not ok to effectively take from you to enable their lifestyle. This is the point. We are all firefighting.

I would absolutely help out occasionally but wouldn’t do it as a regular arrangement. What if your child is ill and you’re not going to school? It’s just an extra headache for you to arrange when it should be their responsibility

The issue with charging, is it could be deemed to be a childminding service and needs to be properly registered, insured and inspected.

The money would also need to be declared to the tax man.

Remember this isn't a one off, it's easily a 10 year commitment until Ops youngest finishes primary.

Their mum will have to use public transport and make her own way to work so their dad can do the school run. Absolutely say no. You just have to tell them you’re too busy in the mornings to watch an extra child.

This gets better and better. They didn’t even ask the person who would be doing it?! Hard no from me. She needs to work on her “driving phobia” and being less of a cheeky fucker

this doesn’t make any sense at all? So he could drop her at work then drop the son at school? And why can’t he collect them from school if he’s at home? Every at home parent of younger children scoops them up and takes them all to drop off and pick up?? Unless I’ve totally misunderstood, it’s a no because her dh is a lazy cheeky fucker.

It’s only 15 mins, he drops her to work 15 minutes earlier. Problem solved.

Just say no. Say you are happy to continue the advocate reciprocal help but mornings are already a challenge with your toddler as well and you dont want to add additional pressure for yourself

For some reason the fact that they’ve asked your DH annoys me the most. Why have they asked him? Anyway, don’t do it.

Just total cheeky fucker. I’d play it that I’m completely not understanding - your dh is at home, I don’t see the problem, he won’t even pick up ds in return? Because he has younger children? Is he not actually their dad? Have you not met my younger child? This is not going to work. If he can’t handle 3 I can’t handle 3.
I have 3 and have done the years of pick up and drop off with 2 little children.

So you already collect their DC 2 days a week. Now they want you to drop off 3 days a week. I'd say no unless she offers to pay you.

Why can’t the dad drop mum off then drop the child to school on the way home? If the times don’t work then mum will have to get to work a bit early and suck it up

Stay at home dad? No way.
she can drive, but chooses not to? No way.
No reprocity? No way

3 x week for 7 years is a massive deal, and it will only slip - could you just… do another day, pick up a parcel, take him to his swimming lesson, take my other child…

Agree to the arrangement for only one term. Remind them that you can not take her if your child is not going to school.

Always have a routine for neighbour child - she puts bag near your car door and waits at colouring in table for example so that your children are not distracted etc.

Extend the time if you want.

This could mean that you can ask for small favour from time to time. It could work out well.