AIBU to think this is a bit much to ask for school run?

[Kim926]

Our next-door neighbours have a daughter in the same Reception class as my son.

We already help each other with school pick-ups occasionally, and I've been happy with that arrangement.

The mum is now increasing her working days to three days a week after maternity leave and has asked if, on those three mornings, they can leave their daughter with us before work so that I can take her to school with my son.

For a bit more context, the mum isn't unable to drive, but she doesn't drive. Her husband drives her to work, which is about 15 minutes away, and this is why they need someone else to take their daughter to school on those mornings.

They literally live next door and I'm obviously going to the same school anyway, so I know it might not sound like a huge extra task. I also have a two-year-old at home, though, and mornings with my own two children are already busy.

I think what has made me uncomfortable is that this isn't really an occasional favour or helping out in an emergency. It would be a regular three-day-a-week arrangement because of their change in working pattern. It feels a little like their childcare/school run responsibility is being transferred to us simply because we happen to live next door and our children attend the same school.

I also feel awkward saying no because we are literally next-door neighbours and I will inevitably see them at school drop-off on the days I've said I can't do it.

AIBU to think three mornings every week is quite a lot to ask of a neighbour? Or is this considered a fairly normal favour between families when the children go to the same school?

I have been taking their daughter back all the way. It was 5:5 but now they want 2:8

So they are already using you to pick their child up from school, now they want you to do before school care and drop offs. This is exactly what happens with CF like this, they start small and gradually add to the load until you're providing their free childcare and transport all week.
I bet they never offer to do anything to help you out.
I learned this the hard way when my kids were small. It's easier to say no now than it is to put a stop to the arrangement once it's already started.
It's a massive obligation to have to take care of other people's children like this. What happens when your child is sick or you have other things to do? It'll be all about them and how you're letting them down.

I would do it but I'd charge. Say £150 a month.

Have you told them yet?

They don't want to be inconvenienced by having to do something they don't want to do - managing 3 kids, breakfast club, wife going to work earlier, wife driving, wife using public transport. But they are happy for you to be inconvenienced and having the extra burden of looking after 3 kids in the morning for nothing in return. Unbelievable. Do not accept this. It will only build resentment and destroy your friendship. If you were happy to have a 50/50 arrangement then stick to this boundary and tell them "things have been working well in the current 50/50 arrangement, if i were to do the 3 morning drop offs how could you pay me the favour in return to keep the balance". Or "I use that time in the morning for x,y,z, what kind of arrangement can we agree to where I can get some of the time back, happy to help you but I will some help in return".
Do they have 2 cars? How far away is the wife's work? If she won't drive, can she take public transport?

I wouldn’t do this. If you start it when she’s 5 you could be stuck with the arrangement for years! They can use breakfast club or a childminder like everyone else has to.

@Kim926 “sorry no , that doesn’t work for me”

I once agreed to give a neighbours child a lift to school with my dd. It started off that she was on our doorstep at set time ready to go. Then slowly but surely it ended up that I would be waiting for her or my dd would have to knock on their door to get her. One morning my DD refused to go get her so I agreed it’s not our job. We went without her that morning…funnily enough she still managed to get to school. She never turned up at the door again! Thank god!

She wanted to drop her off an hour before we left, at 7.30, so I said no. She then left her daughter with another neighbour, who drops her off at ours just before we leave. On other days, she used to drop her off about 30 minutes before we left.

So it seems it’s already been resolved and an alternative arrangement made, and the OP just wanted a sanity-check that she wasn’t being unreasonable.

OP, what reason did you give for not doing it, and how did your neighbour take it?

So your issue is that it’s not that evenly split anymore, as you have been helping each other out, you’re just not happy it’s no longer 50/50.

Personally, I wouldn’t see it as that big a deal seeing as you help each other out already, as presumably they can return the favour in other ways.

Fgs you could have sent the message by now, polite and firm that not going to work.

Instead of endless debating it on mumsnet

Her dad works from home, but not every day—it depends on the project he's working on.

Two younger siblings don't go to school or nursery so they stay at home. They are 1 and 2 years old.

I wouldn't say that or every morning would be "an emergency".

Posts like yours make me laugh! Criticising the OP for posting on Mumsnet for advice by posting on Mumsnet yourself. If it annoys you so much, why don't you just de-register?

I would absolutely say no, once you start how many years is it going to go on for? Three mornings is a big ask for an indefinite period. Just be straight and say you don’t mind helping out occasionally but you don’t want to commit to this. She’ll also be saving a fortune in breakfast club money. Would be a definite no from me.

They asked my husband, not me, though I am the one who does, funnily enough! He'll be the one answering.

The OP thinks this is entirely unreasonable and doesn’t give even a hint of considering this.

So the message could be sent
and the neighbour looked for alternative

how did they ask? Message or in person

How can anyone do a job while looking after two tiny kids?

Op I'd just say no to it. Its far too big a commitment for far to long a period. You'd end up getting fed up and deciding to move house to get out the situation.

You didn’t say they’d asked your husband. How did they ask? How did he reply?

hopefully it’s pretty clear that you aren’t BU by now!

The fact is, even if she hadn’t changed her hours, this arrangement can’t continue indefinitely, as soon enough there will be more children than car spaces. In the mean time, because this set-up can no longer be equitable, perhaps it’s worth saying that you couldn’t continue the arrangement for free, and if you take money, you have to be ofsted registered, which you don’t want to do

Ultimately, their problem is not the school run, but her driving phobia. The husband is enabling it, which I guess is his decision, but expecting you to too is completely ridiculous. Perhaps it’s worth framing this (if only in your own mind!) that you’re actually helping her by saying no, because it’ll force her to address the problem

Sorry I think you are being unreasonable.
Your next door neighbour wants to drop off her child with you. Your children and you are going to the school anyway.
I fail to see why you wouldn’t do this.
Any scenario where you could not do it then you could not and they would need a work around. But generally this seems an easy thing to do.

I am sure if they could do something in return they would do. But you don’t have to do things just to get something back either. Just do it. Because it isn’t hard and you are doing it anyway with your own children. They are next door. You won’t have far to go if there is a delay or something wrong.

They want an hour of free child care at 7:30am and the school run doing, three times a week. Doesn't sound easy to me.

I don’t think it is too hard. If she ever wanted to change it all she has to do is say from the outset that she can do it but it isn’t a permanent thing.
Next door. Unless the child is some sort of terrible child I cannot see the problem. She is going to the school anyway.
I doubt she sees in it terms of one hour of free childcare. But can I drop of my child and you drop her to school.
The world has gone mad.

Ooh...looks like the CF neighbour has joined the chat.