AIBU to think this is a bit much to ask for school run?

[Kim926]

Our next-door neighbours have a daughter in the same Reception class as my son.

We already help each other with school pick-ups occasionally, and I've been happy with that arrangement.

The mum is now increasing her working days to three days a week after maternity leave and has asked if, on those three mornings, they can leave their daughter with us before work so that I can take her to school with my son.

For a bit more context, the mum isn't unable to drive, but she doesn't drive. Her husband drives her to work, which is about 15 minutes away, and this is why they need someone else to take their daughter to school on those mornings.

They literally live next door and I'm obviously going to the same school anyway, so I know it might not sound like a huge extra task. I also have a two-year-old at home, though, and mornings with my own two children are already busy.

I think what has made me uncomfortable is that this isn't really an occasional favour or helping out in an emergency. It would be a regular three-day-a-week arrangement because of their change in working pattern. It feels a little like their childcare/school run responsibility is being transferred to us simply because we happen to live next door and our children attend the same school.

I also feel awkward saying no because we are literally next-door neighbours and I will inevitably see them at school drop-off on the days I've said I can't do it.

AIBU to think three mornings every week is quite a lot to ask of a neighbour? Or is this considered a fairly normal favour between families when the children go to the same school?

I was wondering how on earth they got to be so wealthy that they can support three children on one part-time wage but I suppose CFs are best placed to manage it!

It’s fine to just want your own family in your home before school most of the time. It doesn’t mean you’re unhelpful or lacking in ‘community’.

It's too much. The mum need to get herself to work and the Dad needs to drive the kids or walk them to school. Same with pick ups. 5 year old can easily manage a 30 minute walk.

Lots of people have pointed out that any of the children can be sick. I know it's a little early but it will come round sooner than you think, what if your child has a play date or an after school party or activity. You have to schlep in just for their child.

I am assuming they want this arrangement for the next school year. Nip it in the bud now. Concentrate on your children. CFs indeed.

I take it they haven't offered payment? I'd usually be in favour of helping anyone but I would feel a lack of respect here.

I would say yes to this because being a good neighbour is important and because it models good behaviour to your children

None of this makes sense!

I don't understand why he can't pick his own child up and that you do that already 5 days a week. Many parents battle the school run with toddlers and babies so what makes him so special? Presumably he has chosen to be a SAHD so why is he opting out of some of the responsibilities.

Being nosy I also don't get how the mum is going back to work part time but somehow that supports the family of 5. She must be on good money which is why it also seems a bit odd that she can't drive herself to work or make alternative arrangements herself. I guess in my head I am imagining a confident professional.

Does dad not work at all? What happens on the days mum is home too? That doesn't make sense as if she is only just returning from maternity leave now, there would have been two adults at home, so one stays with the toddler and baby while the other did the pick up?

None of this really makes sense unless there is more to add (e.g. dad does work shifts or the other days).

if you’re happy to, I’d say I could do one morning. You don’t need to explain why only one. Equally if one doesn’t work then just say no, that you don’t want to commit to the responsibility long term.

Childcare during the school / work years is hard work and when someone can help it’s a great relief, but 3 days a week is a lot and they need a plan b rather than just hoping you’ll do it for however long. They also need to be able to offer to drop off or do pick ups for you in return.
Plus as PP have said, what happens if your child is off sick, or has a Dr it dental appointment and is going in late.

WelshRabBite
So, the Dad could do all the school runs and she could just drive herself to work?
But instead she wants you to do morning childcare and drop offs so she can be a passenger princess?

To be fair this could be the difference between one and two cars for them and or maybe she’s a shit/ nervous driver!

I’m confused why you feel a mug when her husband takes your child to school in the mornings and you pick up. That feels pretty equal to me?

Unless you take your own child and pick up theirs too?

He could still do the pick up though? Presumably mum doesn't finish work til 5pm, so he could still do the 3.30 school run. He just doesn't want to with a toddler and baby.

Also shouldn't this be something you consider when choosing to have 3 children? Whether you can afford them and make arrangements to ensure they get to school?
What would they do if the neighbour didn't have a child going to the same school? They would have to use breakfast clubs then or find another way for mum to get to work.

This lady needs a bike or a bus! Surely you wouldn’t expect your little kids to be schlepping in the car every morning and afternoon because you can’t find your own way to work. Thats before we get to the other requests.

We had a similar situation with a family upstairs. We decided that we didn’t want to have something set up.

while it can be difficult to push back if you don’t want to do it, it is perfectly reasonable to do so. Especially as it is unpaid childcare. What if you decided to go to a morning club (our school has karate before class)

I agree with the pps about a mutual benefit. Also a time limit. Is this for 1 school year then will be reviewed. Perhaps the child will be old enough for breakfast club by then. This arrangement has the potential to result in their expectation and your resentment. How many minutes will the child be with you before you leave for school run.

No way....just say you can't commit to that as you have to manage both your 2 in the morning....

Ad hoc is one thing commitment to every day is something else....

ok if your definition of being a good person is saying yes to everything and being a mug.

A much better life lesson to your kids would be to demonstrate how it’s ok to say no and set boundaries for yourself while still being a good friend and neighbour.

They should have asked before making any decisions about their working arrangements

I would be unimpressed if an adult said they were incapable of bringing what I believe would be 4 children home from school (he’d have 3 of his own and your one) unless there are some exceptional circumstances like the children having special needs of some kind

I have done stuff like this in the past, but sometimes it turns into a greater commitment for example, would you be expected to provide breakfast for the child? What if mum increases her hours/days/decides to work long days

What’s wrong with the dad that he can’t do the school run with 2 smaller children? I had 3 under 4 when my eldest started foundation and we just all went.

This is a lot to ask. She should be compensating like she would a childminder.

A regular commitment is different to occasionally helping out a neighbour with a school drop off. Without any reciprocal arrangement this will feel like unpaid extra work (thats what it is, because i paid my childminder 120 pounds a month for the service you will be providing for free to your neighbour)
It really depends how you feel about this though.

Just some insight I have a driving phobia. I can drive with someone in the car with me but I cannot drive on my own I have panic attacks. I’m trying to work through it but it’s quite difficult. However I plan my life around the fact I can’t drive. And wouldn’t choose an option where I had to drive as I know I couldn’t. How long is her commute could they not take the children to work and then drop off at school? Could they use a breakfast club at school?

I used to have a similar arrangement with my next door neighbour but one. Three days a week she had my children from 8am, took them to school with hers, collected them afterwards and then looked after them until I got home at 6.

It was an arrangement that suited as both. The difference was that I paid her as a childminder (and indeed she registered as one).

It’s too much to ask as a favour.

I think it is definitely a lot to ask of you.
and why can’t they reciprocate? Along with their child you basically have 3. With one adult in the car there would be space for your child as well as their 3?

also you have to consider what happens on mornings where your child is unwell and not going to school. They’d probably still expect you to take theirs! No reciprocity, definitely not. With a reciprocal arrangement - possibly but it’s still a lot to ask.

So of the 10 school runs a week, you’re currently doing 5 each, and they want that to change to you doing 8 and them doing 2?

Did they offer any sweetener when they asked? It is an imposition and will make your life a little less pleasant for their financial benefit so you shouldn’t feel in any way like you ought to do it. But you will be doing the school runs anyway so if you can think of something they could do that would be worth it to you (a couple of hours childcare ever Saturday morning, say) then it might be worth considering.

I see why it feels awkward to turn them down as they are neighbours and you might want help and goodwill in the future, not to mention just general good feeling. But if there’s no reciprocation, this will just leave you feeling like a harried mug. I’d say something like “Carol, you want us to go from sharing 50/50 to me doing 80%? Really? That’s not something I’d be happy with. Come to that, I’m not sure about doing 5 pickups if you’re only going to be taking DS in twice a week. It’s not really fair, is it?”

I think because not many cars fit 4 car seats.

Thats your answer then
No

Wait. So they've been taking your kid all this time, and now they're asking the favour back you won't do it???