AIBU to see his reaction to being called boy as a red flag?

[Poppies2222x]

I’ve been seeing someone for a few months and something happened this morning that has made me question whether he’s got an ego problem that could be a cause for concern.

Me and three friends (all in our late 20s) booked a woodland lodge for three nights Thursday to Sunday for a weekend away and my boyfriend has come with us.

This morning after breakfast we were relaxing around the hot tub and my friend told BF “come on, get the drinks poured, boy” not in a rude tone but in a funny ‘let’s get this party started’ kind of way. She’s very bubbly and didn’t mean anything by it. He poured the drinks with a moody look on his face and a few minutes later however he said he really took offence and said he wasn’t a boy, he was a man, and that he found it disrespectful. The mood changed quite quickly and afterwards he was still annoyed about it.

I asked him why it bothered him so much and he said that being called a boy was belittling. I found this extremely cringy and fragile on his part and I’m wondering why he would view this as belittling? To me it seems he views boys as below him and I don’t want a partner with a fragile ego who thinks men are superior to everyone else including boys.

I was just discussing this with my friends whilst he was on a walk and they all found it off putting and embarrassing on his part.

AIBU for seeing this as a bit of a red flag, or is it reasonable for him to want to be referred to as a man rather than a boy?

I agree with this.
He spoke up about not liking the way he was addressed. It does sound rude. I think your friend should have been polite.

Overreaction. Have you heard how men talk to each other?! Hard to believe he is genuinely upset by a comment like this, especially if it was clearly said in a tongue in cheek way. Even if he is that fragile, the sulking afterwards is a red flag. As is the fact he went with you in the first place.

Also, much to the apparent disappointment of some posters, all the people involved are white so can we please park the virtue signalling for one night.

This is exactly what I was thinking, you appear to not have noticed how, what your friend said was rude, also the way it was said was rude.
Just because she said it with a laugh doesn't make it alright. She was making fun of him.

You have no empathy towards your boyfriends feeling and have had to come on MN to ask?

But that's you calling yourself girl, @Poppies2222x. Do you think you might feel differently if men you didn't know that well started telling you what to do and referring to you as "girl" and laughing about it to each other, even if they meant it as a "joke"?

I can see a woman's feathers being ruffled at that and I'm not so sure why we should expect a man to react differently.

As I said before, there’s nuance there as there’s a history of misogyny and there isn’t at all the other way round.

Girl can have quite endearing connotations, 'you go girl' etc, 'girls night' etc

But calling someone 'boy' in that context is absolutely demeaning, and it was exactly what she intended.. it is a way of addressing someone inferior, she meant it as if he was there to serve you, and should jump to attention.

If he has had a history of being talked down to by his parents or by superiors at work etc. or treated like a child, it's the one thing an adult can say to put a younger male in their place, then I'm absolutely not surprised he didn't like it.

You should absolutely have his back with this.

Sure, because there's absolutely no such thing as context. If you call your husband babe then everyone should be able to do the same, right?

Ethnicity matters here.

It’s weird your bf attended a trip with you and your friends.
I think it’s reasonable to find it demeaning to be called a boy. It doesn’t necessarily mean toxic masculinity. As a stand alone incident I would support my dp in that situation, your friend was rude. But obviously if there’s more to it that a different story

If I went off in a huff every time someone referred to me as a girl rather than a woman, I’d never get anything done. Fittingly, he is behaving like a stroppy little boy.

I wonder if your friend said it as a way of hinting that he shouldn’t be there? Sounds like he’s the only bf there. Why?

Boy is a word I would not use. It's derogatory in my opinion. Evokes images of master and servant.

Sorry, I think you’re being unreasonable. I can see how some people would’ve been fine with this but I can understand why he isn’t. I always cringe when I hear grown women talk about “meeting a boy”, it is quite belittling. And yes, if I was called a girl, I’d feel the same.

I wouldn’t see it as a red flag; I’d see it as a sign he has a bit of self-respect.

I’d also echo the other comments - bit weird he’s there at all if there are no other partners / spouses.

Agree, although if I have heard caucasian saying this to each i still pick them up for it

If someone called me "girl" I'd explode

Your friend needs to change her attitude, of if your boyfriend communicated his feelings and refused to be treated like dirt then good on him.

It was obviously meant in a jokey way. I wouldnt want to be dating someone as humourless as he sounds 🤨

You describe your friend as "bubbly". She already sounds insufferable. "Bubbly" people do my head in, and she probably did his head in too!

and here we go with the "just bants" thing again

yup, big gob no filter "ooo what am I like?" "oh its just me, I don't mean nuffin by it"

So a man from a group of 4 men, out of which one is your boyfriend shouts ‘come on girl, get us a drink’ and you would smile and oblige?

I actually would see his behaviour as a red flag and would be keeping an eye on him.
I think some posters are being deliberately obtuse pretending not to know that boy and girl are often used casually, generally by young adults (but maybe in a joking context for over 40).
Boys weekend. Out with the girls. Usually meaning with my similar aged peers. Even if you don't personally like it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
To take great offence would appear they have some issues or at the very least, a fun sponge.
Not great for a new partner of a young woman... who you would assume is on his best behaviour so early on in a relationship and in front of her friends. Potentially a manosphere-redpill-alphaman, which is becoming increasingly common.

Yeah, I think if it's a pattern of behaviour (or the start of it) then it's a problem. But if it's just a reaction to this word then good for him for saying something. If someone told me to pour the drinks woman! Or wench! I'd be pretty fucking pissed about it too and rightly so.

Whether your friend was joking or not it's pretty obnoxious to throw commands at someone like this - and everyone is allowed their boundaries.

Yes, I asked him if he’d like to come so he and my friends can get to know each other more. I just thought it’d be nice, I now wish I hadn’t.

Yeah, I mean, why was he on a girls trip anyway?

Gosh, there are some fully paid up members of the Misandrists' Society on this thread.

Dreadful word to use. And very racist undertones.