AIBU to not lend a dress to a family member?

[DeathByZaraTrousers]

First world problems, I know.

My daughter had her year 11 prom last year. We bought her a lovely dress for it, not from a prom dress shop but a dress that she could wear again to weddings and parties. She has already worn it to another event. It cost about £500.

Another young person in the family is now asking to borrow it for an event. My daughter doesn’t want to lend it to her as she doesn’t want to risk it being ruined. We are now both getting texts from other family members to say my daughter should lend the dress to the other girl, she’s family, she won’t ruin it, she can’t afford her own etc.

I’ve told my daughter to ignore them, but would other people really lend out their clothes. My daughter would be gutted if it was ruined and I’m sure they wouldn’t pay for it, as they wouldn’t have the money.

Are we being unreasonable to not lend the dress?

that's up to you, why do you think others should do the same?

Someone telling you they would replace the item is not the same as someone PAYING you for the item.

Bet they would start saying it was second hand, too expensive, and there's no way they would spend that amount of cash on one dress 😂

If she can’t afford it, then she should do what my daughter did, and buy one second-hand from Vinted.

A lack of planning on her part doesn’t make an emergency on yours…

Stand strong. 1000% it will come back damaged (it won’t be looked after because it isn’t a precious thing to them like it is to your daughter) and they will never replace or offer to fix it. An excellent opportunity to teach her there’s no need to “be nice” in circumstances like these.

Would you "do it for the child" by lending something belonging to someone else? It's irrelevant who paid for it, this dress still belongs to OP's daughter.

So don’t do it then. You asked if YABU, I think you are. We are all different.

Never lend what you wouldn’t give. In other words if you can’t afford to give away this dress then don’t lend it. End.

Your daughter should not loan out the dress - it’s her dress, expensive and has its own memories already.

It's fine to say no to this kind of request. But not outrageous to ask a cousin or close friend to borrow something nice to wear for a special event. The outrageous bit is going on about it after being told no.

Yes it is good to teach your children to be helpful and kind, but yo7u should also teach yoir children to have boundaries and not being a pushover.
The op dd will understandably be upset if anything happens to the dress so she should not lend it. There is plenty of stuff on Vinted, Ebay etc

DDs are like me, they would loan it.

Don't lend it. I've had all sorts of things lost or ruined by people I've lent them to.

It's not unreasonable for them to ask to borrow a dress but neither is it unreasonable to refuse to do it. And it's definitely unreasonable for them to keep harassing your family about it. If the girl's family genuinely doesn't have money to buy a prom dress, I would offer £50 towards the cost of it, as there are plenty of inexpensive dresses to be had either in current sales or on vinted. Obviously only if you can afford to give away this money, but I presume you could given you were able to spend £500 on a dress.

I'd tell them that the dress was very expensive and is of special significance to DD and then offer them some other, cheaper dresses that DD owns so as to look kind and generous.
It's really very cheeky to ask for it. It's like asking to borrow someone's wedding dress.

What I don't get is why doesn't she just buy her a new dress? If she could afford a £500 dress then surely she should be able to buy someone else one too?
Personally I think she could pay her rent and wipe her arse too, whilst she is at it, otherwise she just isn't a good person!

When i was 17 i was mildly bullied into lending someone a top. It wasn’t expensive but it was one of my favourite items of clothing - I never got it back

And you said lose the relationship if it was ruined and they didn’t pay. I understand and accept that’s what you would do, and I asked for opinions, but it blows my mind that that is how you have responded.

Thanks though, I appreciate you giving me your viewpoint.

I’m really surprised at these responses. And a bit depressed

She doesnt want to. That should be the end of it.

It is was me (because im a cow) I would say yes she can borrow it but she has to give me, in cash, in advance, £X, which is what it would cost to replace the dress.

If it comes back spotless as they are adamant it would, they get the money back. If its damaged in any way, you keep the money.

What do they mean they dont want to? But they are certain the dress won't be ruined, so theyll get their money right back, what on earth are they worried about (confused face)

But, unlike me, you are probably not a psychopath who likes to toy with dickheads, so a simple no she cant borrow it is the way to go. 😁

I'd send them a link to Shein.

She'll find something in there that'll do fine.

I once lent a special item of attire that I had bought on travels abroad. A friend asked to borrow it and I willingly lent it. She ruined the item to the point where I couldn’t wear it anymore. I was gutted. Of course it was an accident but a valuable lesson never to lend something you’d be upset to not get back. If it’s not lent, there’s no concern about paying or not paying if it’s ruined. Prom dresses can be rented…

My dd found out that one of her younger friends from high school wasn’t going to prom as they didn’t want to burden their family with the costs. Dd lent her dress, another friend the shoes, they persuaded another dad to drive her. I’m so fucking proud of her.

but yeah it’s up to you. My dd dress cost 300 quid. I’m glad someone else is getting a use out of it.

Whatever the question, shite made by slaves and sold by Shein is never the answer.

No, just refuse. It’s special to you and lending it out will taint that.

A £50 quid dress, absolutely id encourage my daughter to share it, but not insist as it’s her stuff.

£500, no way. Too much could go wrong and if they can’t afford a dress they can’t afford to replace it when inevitably it is damaged.

Lending outfits and clothing is quite common, but it really depends on who you're lending it to.