AIBU to not lend a dress to a family member?

[DeathByZaraTrousers]

First world problems, I know.

My daughter had her year 11 prom last year. We bought her a lovely dress for it, not from a prom dress shop but a dress that she could wear again to weddings and parties. She has already worn it to another event. It cost about £500.

Another young person in the family is now asking to borrow it for an event. My daughter doesn’t want to lend it to her as she doesn’t want to risk it being ruined. We are now both getting texts from other family members to say my daughter should lend the dress to the other girl, she’s family, she won’t ruin it, she can’t afford her own etc.

I’ve told my daughter to ignore them, but would other people really lend out their clothes. My daughter would be gutted if it was ruined and I’m sure they wouldn’t pay for it, as they wouldn’t have the money.

Are we being unreasonable to not lend the dress?

Or - say yes as long as a refundable £500 deposit is paid? However that is a firm second in my mind to saying no.

😂😂😂

a noble cause.

You have already answered your own question - no. I never lend anything that I wouldn't be prepared to lose. And they can't guarantee that it won't get ruined. My wedding dress had sauce spilled down it (not by me) and the dry cleaning ruined it - it came back limp and lifeless. I lend things freely but only if I am prepared to never see them again (and btw, it's very surprising that often I do never see them again even if I have said I would like it returned and the other person has said they will definitely return it!)

FFS what planet are you on?!! Who asks for a deposit from relative?! It’s a dress.

But its not her dress it's her daughter's and she doesn't want to risk lending it....would you force someone else to loan something of theirs out?

No one can say if the dress will not get spoiled. The answer to that request is no. It’s not a prom dress it’s a dress you daughter has worn since and will do again . Give them details of where the dress was bought and the price . A photo of the receipt might shock them! No one would lend an expensive dress to another child , family or not! Ignore future requests a final no and that’s it!

when he bought a lovely one his neighbour was wanting to borrow it within a few days and I remember him saying "if you break it can you afford to replace it?" the neighbour said "yes!" dads reply was "Go and buy your own then!"

Go dad. That's hilarious.

A member of my.husbands family asked if they could borrow my wedding dress. I thought on my feet and said I had put it up for sale but I would give her first refusal. She didn't ask again.

That is slick. 😎

I have lent expensive clothes to people, not even family and who an afford the money, never even got a thank you, suit not returned and when we asked for it back for our other child was told it had been damaged in the cleaners, load of rubbish as cleaners would need to be insured, but we wouldn't have been told had we not asked, Still not returned, no thanks, no apology, not a mention, so be careful

No you haven’t.

she is a 15 year old girl they don’t like to lend their things especially if they are expensive I would take the hint any slight hesitance and I would never ask again not that I would or ever asked in the first place let her text no I don’t want to lend my dress with no follow up I don’t want to lend my dress it’s too expensive and I don’t like lending my clothes I hope you understand one text and you as a mum don’t say anything or it could become a family problem , if she was willing I would lend it and hope they take care but she isn’t so that’s the end of it they should just back off.

SCP alert!

Spontaneously combusting pants.

Well... It already got a bit problematic. Sharing is a good thing... I honestly believe that we need to look after others more. If you believe that the girl won't destroy it maybe worth considering it? Under one circumstance... If they destroy it they need to give you the money to buy another one...

hahahahahahaha

Under one circumstance... If they destroy it they need to give you the money to buy another one...

and how do you enforce this if they refuse?

It most definitely IS a life skill not to be a doormat.

Going back two generations in my family, it's clear that one doormat actually fostered extreme misogyny in her three sons. They now wreak havoc in their broken relationships.

if they have the money to replace it, why not just go out and buy one? The OP has already said that she doesn't think they could cover the cost of the dress.....In any case the dress's owner has said no. That should be enough

someone who knows that people who won't take a polite no for an answer are CF's

If you don't want to lend it, but they aren't taking no for an answer just ask what date the event is and then say 'ahh no dd has a party/concert/dinner etc that day and will be wearing the dress herself'.

I was a bridesmaid when about 12 and was given a beautiful expensive pale blue dress to wear and keep. A friend asked afterwards if she could borrow it to play Cinderella in a play. My mum said yes and it got completely trashed. It was never replaced or even mentioned. I was v upset. So no, don’t lend stuff you don’t want to. People are careless and ungrateful imo.

If cost is the issue, the other girl's parents could always hire a dress. Think it's a bit cheeky of them to be telling you and DD what to do about something she owns and is precious to her.

why is ANY of that relevant?

It's a £500 dress which OP's daughter doesn't want to risk anyone ruining which is more than fair enough.

If someone doesn't accept no for an answer, they may resort to asking for deposits instead. Wouldn't be necessary if they knew that no means no.

I certainly wouldn’t allow another family member to borrow your daughter‘s prom dress. To be honest, I think the other family had a cheek to ask. Most of senior schools in my area have prom dresses donated to them and therefore have a supply of beautiful dress dresses in all shapes and sizes for those that cannot afford their own. I would direct your family member to asking if their school has something similar or as someone else suggested to hire a prom dress. would certainly stand your ground no matter what other family may say.,

and WHY is this shit being directed by OTHER WOMEN. why the fuck are women peddling this "be kind" crap to other women? Its crab bucket, that's what it is!

They want to borrow it for an 18th, not even a prom.