To think DP is being homophobic?

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DS is 22, DP isn't his bio dad but we've been together since he was 12, living together since he was 17. He has 2 boys of his own 14 and 12.

DS is gay and we only found out recently that he has a bf as the friend wasn't out to anyone, this is the first time meeting him as they met at uni (DS has just finished his last year and is planning to do his masters) and he's now home for the summer.

His bf came to visit last Friday for a few days and he seems nice enough but he's very quiet which is fine but DP has said it's rude that he isn't talking to us

On Saturday his bf was unwell and long story short he had appendicitis and had surgery and then a few days later it got infected so he had to go to hospital again he's still staying with us and recovering.

Tomorrow SC are due to come for the weekend and DP is saying he wants bf to go home before then as “it's not appropriate for then to share their space with someone they've never met” I personally don't think this is the reason. He's been going on about how DS’s room was a mess yesterday and blamed bf although DS said it was him as he was sorting things for vinted. Dp also said I shouldn't cook a meal for someone who hasn't spoke much as yesterday I cooked dinner and both ds and his bf had some but DS has been doing most the cooking for them

AIBU ti think he's being homophobic but just making excuses to try and cover it up

If he's well enough to go for a walk..

I wouldn't want a strange man staying in the house with my 12 year old either

He's the father of the teens staying over.
If this hadn't have been a gay male scenario, MN would be against an unknown adult man unnecessarily sleeping in the house, with teens in. I'd impose rules about men staying over when the children are there, until it's a well established relationship and there has been a gradual introduction. Be careful he isn't moving in by stealth.

@BelieveInCher a secondary infection is not overdoing things and taking antibiotics. It isn't going to make a dent in the sex drive of a 22 year old man.

He shouldn’t be going into his room. I agree there’s a big difference between a little walk to get some air and a train journey home on a hot day. Could he even carry a suitcase, he may have to stand if no seats.
It all sounds very unwelcoming for your ds, it’s his home and you are his mum.

Wow, maybe you and the OP’s DP need to become friends? It sounds like you share very similar views.

Yes, we both agree that we wouldn't want a 12 year old sharing a house with a strange man

What strange comments from some of the posters on here. MN seems to be attracting all sorts these days.

Yeah of course that’s the reason.

The gender critical crowd includes a lot of homophobes.

It's interesting isn't it.. I've seen several threads over the years about a parent thinking their adult daughter's boyfriend has overstayed his welcome, and the response on MN has been 100% that he needs to leave, particularly because there are younger siblings staying there.

DBAC!

Basic child safeguarding is not homophobia.

To me, it sounds like he doesn’t like the bf. Some people think that an adult being “shy” is rude. You’re expected to get over being shy and make an effort with people that are hosting you. Not saying I’d personally be so impatient with someone so young and obviously a bit fragile, but I can see the point in general.

Sorry, I posted having only read the Op. Why didn’t you include his actual homophobic comment in the Op?

Yes I know he is. I'm not saying I disagree with the "no strange men in the house" rule but I do find it amusingly ironic that he wants to impose this rule, as a step dad. "Children must not be subjected to men staying over! Apart from me when I wanted to shack up with your mum but that's different!"

He's never said anything outright homophobic but he did say a weird comment a while about how his room should be clean as “that's what gays are” which he then refused to expand on

And you don’t think this is homophobia?

After an appendectomy and post op infection I doubt they are having sex!

I think your DH is just a bit of a dick to be honest

If someone has had abdominal surgery they are not going to be feeling very sexy because of the pain.

Why would they be having sex when one of them has had surgery? I certainly couldn't have after I had my appendix out when I was a teenager.

He was readmitted to hospital because of the infection and only got out either yesterday or the day before, he might need a couple more days before putting on a big display of bumming in front of the kids 🙄

Wow, he sounds a bit mean, if it isn't homophobia..Either way I wouldn't believe these are real issues.

The b/f is recovering from pretty major surgery. Would he want his children kicked out from where they were staying in that state ?.of course not..He needs to give his head a wobble, as they say.

Is your husband usually preoccupied with thoughts of gay sex OP?

I’m not sure that’s fair. I remember the thread a PP referenced where a poster was asking about her children staying overnight at their grandmother’s house. The grandmother had a new, male, partner. The overwhelming consensus was absolutely not - the children shouldn’t go and stay in a house overnight with this man that none of them knew that well.

You might disagree with that. But it clearly didn’t come from homophobia.

I agree. OP’s partner may very well just be fed up that the houseguest is still there, which I understand. I’m a great host, but after 4 or 5 days it becomes exhausting having to be on top host form and they start to get on your nerves and you’re anxious for them to leave. I’m sure I’d be the same in his shoes, especially as you can’t kick a sick child out onto the street so they’re pretty much stuck with him.

Nobody would send a sick man home on the train from my house, and my dh could like it or lump it but he would be required to shut up about it and be polite, generous and hospitable to our guest if he wants any future care or tolerance from me.

Yes, but the difference in this scenario is that the lad is only a couple of days out of the hospital after abdominal surgery