To think DP is being homophobic?

[ComfyComet]

DS is 22, DP isn't his bio dad but we've been together since he was 12, living together since he was 17. He has 2 boys of his own 14 and 12.

DS is gay and we only found out recently that he has a bf as the friend wasn't out to anyone, this is the first time meeting him as they met at uni (DS has just finished his last year and is planning to do his masters) and he's now home for the summer.

His bf came to visit last Friday for a few days and he seems nice enough but he's very quiet which is fine but DP has said it's rude that he isn't talking to us

On Saturday his bf was unwell and long story short he had appendicitis and had surgery and then a few days later it got infected so he had to go to hospital again he's still staying with us and recovering.

Tomorrow SC are due to come for the weekend and DP is saying he wants bf to go home before then as “it's not appropriate for then to share their space with someone they've never met” I personally don't think this is the reason. He's been going on about how DS’s room was a mess yesterday and blamed bf although DS said it was him as he was sorting things for vinted. Dp also said I shouldn't cook a meal for someone who hasn't spoke much as yesterday I cooked dinner and both ds and his bf had some but DS has been doing most the cooking for them

AIBU ti think he's being homophobic but just making excuses to try and cover it up

He's also an adult, his parents have no right to know his every move

It's odd how much some PP are going on about his parents like he's a child

Of course he can move.

They let him out of the hospital and he’s been on a walk.

It was keyhole surgery, not a c-section.

He’s perfectly capable of looking after himself.

If he was working he’d likely be back to work on Monday.

If I was uncaring I would say OP shouldn’t have let him stay all but the haven’t and I said it’s kind of her to have let him stay the week.

But this weekend it’s about to go from 4 people to 6 people.
All need to eat, use the bathroom, make mess etc.

If my DCs were coming home for just 2 days then they would be put first.

Why would you put a complete stranger over your own kids?

Even if this was DH’s friend that he’d known for years, I still wouldn’t put him before my kids.

I did an 8 hour flight with an open infected incision where I had to change planes and do wound care in the airport when I was in my 50s. I think a 20 year old would do fine. 24 hours on antibiotics and he should be feeling a lot better.

How much luggage could he have if this was just a short visit to meet the mom?

I wouldn't think much of some rando bf I had never met 🤔 ng they could stay at my home while they recuperated from surgery. That's a giant imposition. And it sounds like the son just brought him in with no discussion. That wouldn't fly in my house.

I really don’t see how one more person staying in Ds room is disruptive. He’s quiet and recuperating. I’d imagine he’d just stay in the bedroom and possibly join you for dinner. No doubt they’re watching tv, gaming etc.
Just say to the step children ds has got his boyfriend from university staying for a few days.
It’s very normal to ask if your uni boyfriend or girlfriend can stay in holidays. It sounds like it was agreed with Op, he’s not just turned up. What’s changed is it was supposed to be a few days and been extended as he’s been ill.
I also don’t get the you’ve not met him. Surely that was the point for ds to bring him home so Op could meet him. First time I met my dh’s mum was when I went to visit him in the uni Christmas holidays. Thankfully she didn’t treat me like some random stranger.
It’s unlikely you’ll meet friends of your uni age dc unless they bring them home if they are living away at university. Mum can x stay for a few days at Easter. Everyone I know with uni age kids is welcoming to their friends/boyfriends/girlfriends.

Everyone I know with uni age kids is welcoming to their friends/boyfriends/girlfriends.

Welcoming is one thing and doesn't involve them staying over. And where I am the majority of parents don't allow bf's or gfs to stay overnight, and the vast majority don't with minor children in the house.

This actually sounds a bit familiar.

OP has left a lot of questions unanswered.

How are they going to have sex so soon after surgery and so what if they were?

Agree. Completely inappropriate. And I am baffled that it seems that fact has gone completely over your head.

That’s a homophobic comment. Are gays also interior designers?

It’s 2026. Adults are allowed to have romantic relationships without seeking permission from both sets of parents.

and of course he planned to get a post appendectomy infection so he could waeasel his way into the house.

I was thinking the same. Sounds like he’s been really unwell. That isn’t easy in a new place and probably picking up you DP isn’t keen on him

But he’s only the step dad to OP’s DS! He’s DAD to the children and he doesn’t want them around a stranger which is perfectly understandable

Yeeeesss. So when he shacked up with OP, he was a strange man to her DS.

And no doubt they were introduced slowly and carefully over a period of time, meeting up, going out places, she would have got to know him first before even considering introducing him to her children, then they decided to live together 5 years later..

What on earth is your point?

You've already replied to me once to say that, why are you doing it again? I was explaining what I initially meant to somebody else

She said he moved in after they'd been together for 5 years.

So no, not a stranger.

Sure, but it would be extremely strange if he had never stayed over in that initial five years, wouldn't it? There's always a first time.

Because you keep saying the same thing! Op moving her partner in after 5years is worlds apart from bringing a random man home to sleep in the house with them.

Clutching at straws.

No, you asked me what I meant and I explained. Then someone else asked me and I explained again.

No, that's literally what I meant.

so you think OP dating a man, him meeting her children over a period of time, going on days out, spending a lot of time together all getting to know and trust each other before he stays overnight with them is the same as one of the children bringing home a boyfriend to stay with them that no one has ever met or heard about before?

No, I just thought the irony was amusing. Why are you making such a huge deal about a throwaway comment?

Because you seem to be using it as a reason to minimise poster's (and OPs DP) legitimate opinion that having an unknown adult male in the house with young children is inappropriate.

No, I already said I don't disagree with the opinion, I just think it's ironic coming from him. So yes I'm saying the same thing again now that I said pages ago. Why are you still bothering me about it?