To think DP is being homophobic?

[ComfyComet]

DS is 22, DP isn't his bio dad but we've been together since he was 12, living together since he was 17. He has 2 boys of his own 14 and 12.

DS is gay and we only found out recently that he has a bf as the friend wasn't out to anyone, this is the first time meeting him as they met at uni (DS has just finished his last year and is planning to do his masters) and he's now home for the summer.

His bf came to visit last Friday for a few days and he seems nice enough but he's very quiet which is fine but DP has said it's rude that he isn't talking to us

On Saturday his bf was unwell and long story short he had appendicitis and had surgery and then a few days later it got infected so he had to go to hospital again he's still staying with us and recovering.

Tomorrow SC are due to come for the weekend and DP is saying he wants bf to go home before then as “it's not appropriate for then to share their space with someone they've never met” I personally don't think this is the reason. He's been going on about how DS’s room was a mess yesterday and blamed bf although DS said it was him as he was sorting things for vinted. Dp also said I shouldn't cook a meal for someone who hasn't spoke much as yesterday I cooked dinner and both ds and his bf had some but DS has been doing most the cooking for them

AIBU ti think he's being homophobic but just making excuses to try and cover it up

Rather unlikely while recovering from an appendectomy!

Your DP sounds both homophobic and unpleasant.

I've had my appendix out, and even without complications felt like utter shit for a fortnight and wasn't allowed to lift anything heavy or do strenuous exercise for 6 weeks. An hour's train journey carrying luggage less than a week after surgery would have been completely out of the question. As would sex. Let the poor lad stay. Put off the SC if needed. In the longer term, have a long hard think about whether your gay son or your homophobic partner are more important to you - because you can't keep both.

Oh no the gays might be having sex 😱

People in hospital have little walks...it's positively encouraged 🤦‍♀️

Yeah because everyone knows that sex is right on the cards in the immediate aftermath of an appendectomy and subsequent infection.

I don't know why your partner is being an arse, but for sure he is being an arse.

You bought up sex. Why you think any surgery means no sex drive, is a puzzle and quite dangerous, safeguarding wise.

Well of course it is, it is a complete fact that gay relationships are purely for sex, there is no love or companionship there 🙄🙄🙄

Hea quiet because he wasnt well or has a quiet manner?
Dp needs to lighten up and probably underlying homophobic issues.

Put off the SC if needed.

Why? It's their house too, it's not unreasonable for OPs DP to not want a strange 22 year old man staying in the house when his kids are visiting.. their sexual orientation is completely irrelevant to the situation.

I wonder if OP was a man whether she would be getting all these, kick your DP out, he's a prick, send his kids away, 'you're the boss' type bullshit comments.. I highly doubt it.

If he's not out to them then "can you come and pick me up from my boyfriends house" is problematic. Maybe theyre not the sort of supportive parents you come out to or tell that you're dangerously ill?

Impossible to tell if it’s homophobic or not but its obnoxious and unkind.

Not the gay couple. Having unknown men in your house is generally frowned upon on here, because it puts children at risk. When it's a gay man, newly introduced, everyone is suddenly, crack on. Strange you've assumed my sexuality.

Irl people have all sorts of friends and relatives stay at in their homes. Its considered normal.

so it's not possible for DS to go and stay with him. Plus DS has a new job he's starting on Monday.

They don’t need to be living together though.

He can go home and DS can visit him on the weekend.

I agree about not travelling on a train.

How far does he live and surely his parents would drive to pick him up considering he could have died and has just had major surgery.?

Because shipping out the recently post-op boyfriend is impractical and severely lacking in compassion and humanity. The remaining options are that the SC can stay with him there (which really shouldn't be a problem, but apparently is for their father), or postpone their visit for a week or so.

So I think he’s being a dick but the amount of posts on here about DC being around strange people…

Is he not out because of the reaction from his parents and friends? Has he said if this is because they are homophobic?
I can’t believe that his parents haven’t said they’d come and collect him to look after him, where do they think he is?!

I don't see how it's getting more inappropriate. I don't know if his parents know he had surgery or where he is but he's 20 so they might just think he's in his uni town depending on what he told them but it's not that simple as them picking him up as he's unlikely to have said he's staying with DS and his family even if he referred to DS as a friend because that's not really what 2 male friends do.

His bf would need to get 2 trains home including a change at a train station as there's no direct ones and DS cant drive to someone who suggested that

I mind it, and subsequently want nothing to do with the Muslim faith. As i result of this I am considered to be Islamophobic, which I am very much at peace with.

Discomfort around homosexuality is homophobia by its very definition - if you want to be homophobic, accept it and be at peace with it.

Homoesexuals dont have to be inclusive to those who are uncomfortable with them in exactly the same way that those who are uncomfortable dont have to be inclusive to homosexuals, but theres no point pretending that it isnt exactly what it says on the tin.

"Inclusivity" is an absolute nonsense.

He's not a relative or a friend! He's a random boyfriend, a stranger to everyone apart from DS who didn't even tell his parents about him till he was coming home.

And no "people" do not allow just anyone to stay at their house when they have young children, which is how it should be.

I utterly disagree with all you've posted. Nothing 'fine' about prejuduce at all

Using and smearing religious groups is an even lower act

If you want him to go home, or he wants to, you could drive him to a hospital that's on the route between the uni town and his home (as close to his home as possible). He then calls home, mum please can you pick me up, I was on my way home to surprise you and then my appendix burst etc etc?

This lad only remains a stranger if thats chosen by the people hosting him.

Nothing 'random' about an adult child's romantic partner

How long are you happy to have him move in with you for?
does either he or ds work?