To think DP is being homophobic?

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DS is 22, DP isn't his bio dad but we've been together since he was 12, living together since he was 17. He has 2 boys of his own 14 and 12.

DS is gay and we only found out recently that he has a bf as the friend wasn't out to anyone, this is the first time meeting him as they met at uni (DS has just finished his last year and is planning to do his masters) and he's now home for the summer.

His bf came to visit last Friday for a few days and he seems nice enough but he's very quiet which is fine but DP has said it's rude that he isn't talking to us

On Saturday his bf was unwell and long story short he had appendicitis and had surgery and then a few days later it got infected so he had to go to hospital again he's still staying with us and recovering.

Tomorrow SC are due to come for the weekend and DP is saying he wants bf to go home before then as “it's not appropriate for then to share their space with someone they've never met” I personally don't think this is the reason. He's been going on about how DS’s room was a mess yesterday and blamed bf although DS said it was him as he was sorting things for vinted. Dp also said I shouldn't cook a meal for someone who hasn't spoke much as yesterday I cooked dinner and both ds and his bf had some but DS has been doing most the cooking for them

AIBU ti think he's being homophobic but just making excuses to try and cover it up

your DS's boyfriend is strange

No, that's not what they're saying. People are saying he is a stranger who is now staying in a home where he has never met anyone but OP's son.

Do you see the difference? I do.

I think it's completely weird there was no discussion about this when multiple boundaries have been violated by the son and his bf.

Why didn't he go home and son go with him if he was afraid his parents would find out he's gay? He was visiting a friend and got sick, no big deal. There's a lot of inconsistencies here.

Surely it’s not just about committing physical sex crimes though.

If OP came on here saying she met a man a few days ago and he’s asking to stay at hers for a few days, no one would be saying it’s a good idea.

I can imagine if DH’s mate wanted to stay for a few days posters would also be saying it’s not fair on the DCs.

I think they were kind to let him stay but I would not want a stranger staying in my children’s home.

He’s been there a week now and if I was DH I would want my home back for a couple of days at least.

If he can’t go home then him and DS can get a hotel for the weekend.

"Boundaries"! "Violated"! My goodness this OTT dramatic language.

I think in all those cases, people would be hospitable if the man in question was recovering from major surgery, which is the central factor you're missing.

It's not a stranger off Tinder from a few days ago though

It's DS's BF who he has been with for a time

Ye how dare DS feel comfortable in his own home and bring his long term boyfriend there? It's utterly disgusting. The children might see a gay man!

Yes which is fair enough and like I said it’s not the physical sex crimes that I’d be concerned about.

But he’s been there a week and whether it is DH’s best mate that he’s known for years or DS’s boyfriend, I think the children who are only coming home for a weekend should be the priority.

There is nothing stopping him and DS getting a hotel for the weekend.

MN has a lot of simmering homophobia

Would be weird that a homophobic partner hasn't ever showed you who he is before? He could have made these complaints about a gf, and then been called sexist.
Making a complaint about either a bf or gf doesn't necessarily make you homophobic or sexist-it could be you just don't like a quiet person, or you genuinely get a bad vibe.
No excuse for rudeness though, unless the person has actually done anything wrong.

They might catch the gay!

I wouldn't fancy recovery from major surgery in a hotel. And who would be paying?

It's not about prioritising one or the other, in any case. The boyfriend can continue to recuperate in a safe environment AND the children can come for the weekend. Both are possible.

There were a bunch of anti-Pride threads over the past month that made me think it's not so much simmering as boiling over these days.

Only you know if your husband is a bullying unwelcoming dick head or homophobic. As you seem to think it’s the latter then what have you done about it. We can’t speak to him for you. But I’d get him out the house where the others can’t hear. Demand he explains himself and inform him he’s not welcome and can fuck right off till he can be both welcoming and explain himself.

It does seem to have gotten worse

Hidden under a thin layer of transphobia

He had the surgery a week ago.

Most people return to work after appendicitis surgery within a week or 2.

I’m not sure how being in a hotel room for 2 nights is a punishment.

If OP hadn’t let him stay the week then he’d have to have been in a hotel this entire time.

The OP never said that - just that they met at university.

For all we know, they've only just met.

Sounds like he has a problem with quiet people more than gay people from what you’ve said. You don’t think he’d have an issue if your son had a very quiet girlfriend?

Pride IS homophobic.

It literally tells lesbians that they're bigots if they refuse to have sex with a bloke wearing knickers.

If they are at stage of calling each other boyfriends and introducing him to his mum they’ve been together a while and he’s not some random.

I find it strange he’s recovering from what is fairly serious at your house. What’s his family situation?

He had surgery and then got an infection
He's barley able to move
You sound incredibly uncaring

"DS said they've been dating a while but we didn't know as his bf wasn't out to anyone"

And there's the transphobia

A short walk around the block, accompanied, carrying nothing.

A long train journey with changes, alone, carrying luggage.

Can you see how these 2 things are different? Especially to someone whose recently had a hole cut in their abdomen.