AIBU to not let in laws use my villa for free in peak season?

[dilwithvil]

I have a villa in Europe by the beach that I own independently of my husband. It’s effectively a high-end Airbnb in a very popular area and is usually fully booked from mid May until late September. It’s one of my income streams (I’m a SAHM but I manage several investments/assets, and this is part of my income). My husband also earns a very good salary, for full context, but all of “my spending” (coffee with a friend, make up, clothes, dentist) is paid by me from this income. I earn more than my husband.

My in-laws would like to use the villa for a week in peak season for free. My view is that peak season is when the villa earns money. If I block out a week for them, I’m not just “sharing a holiday home”, I’m giving up a week’s rental income.

I’ve said they’re very welcome to use it either in low season, when bookings are much quieter, or at very short notice if a peak-season booking unexpectedly cancels (which almost never happens).

They’re unhappy with this because they want to be able to plan a holiday well in advance, and they don’t want to go in low season because the weather is less reliable. Even if they paid half the market rate this is more than they would usually pay for a holiday, so they don’t want to pay that either.

For context, my parents do occasionally use the villa in peak season. The villa ultimately came from my side of the family (family money/early inheritance), so I don’t really see that as the same thing. Without them, there wouldn’t be a villa in the first place.

Also, while I get on reasonably well with my in-laws, I wouldn’t choose to holiday with them for a week or two, so inviting them while we’re there isn’t really something I want to do either.

AIBU for saying that if they want to use it in peak season, they should either pay the market rate (or even half), or go in low season? Or should family simply be allowed to use it for free regardless of the income I’d be giving up?

Out of interest, are you a tailor or photographer? I'm not, I don't do the sort of job where this would come up, but I've read enough on here from people who do to understand that it can be quite the piss take.

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Can you not explain this to them clearly like you have here. Don’t just say, out of season or not at all , as that comes across quite hard. Explain that it was bought for you from your parents. That part of the deal was they get a week in peak season. Your wage would be significantly effected if you lost a weeks bookings in peak season. That you’re sorry and would if it didn’t affect your wage so much. All this maybe and one day is mind games and cruel. Honesty is the best policy.

I think you should let them stay. Your own parents do. You’ve admitted your income is your spending money. This would cause a massive rift in my family.

I was with you till you said you let your family use it.
It's either both sides or neither.

I was fully behind your position until you admitted you let your side of the family use it.

That seems pretty unfair really.

But it’s not just an empty holiday home, it’s her source of income and there are limited weeks in the year where she can charge a premium for it.

I can't help picturing the scene in Withnail and I when they get the keys to the cottage: "Free to those that can afford it, very expensive to those that can't." 🤣

We own a holiday house that we rent out when we’re not using it - although by the sounds of it ours is not as fancy as yours!

I’ve found it best to be really blunt with people who are asking for free stays, so you outright say “we normally make £500 a week from renting it out, so we can’t let people stay there for free”. If they push, you act slightly surprised and repeat “but we normally make £500 a week. We’d be losing £500 if we gave you a free week”. And then if they keep pushing - “I don’t understand, are you having financial trouble? You’re asking us to lose £500 so you can have a holiday? We’d be paying for your holiday?”. I’ve never had anybody push past that!

Then when they back down I soften it by saying that of course if there’s any last minute cancellations I can see if they want a last minute break and then they’d only need to cover the cost of utilities and the cleaners.

But it sounds like you and DH are wealthy and so really yes your in laws may be asking you to fund their holiday, which of course is a different issue and one to discuss with DH.

Anytime it comes up that your parents stay in the villa do be sure to say “well of course they helped pay for it”. Say it each and every time so they can never ignore it or spin this as you favouring your parents!

This is a classic mumsnet scenario that if it was the other way around, the husbands property and the ILs stayed for free put OPs parents couldn’t the husband would be getting an absolute hammering on here (rightly to be fair) but it’s ok for the wife to be greedy and selfish because you gotta get that bank balance higher girl boss !

The in laws sound a bit entitled. They have the option of a week’s free holiday in a lovely villa in May or October but don’t want it. They could get great weather, they could decide they like the villa but don’t really enjoy the area much. But they don’t want to go unless they can have a peak week.

If I were your in laws I would gratefully use it in an off peak week to try it out. If I then loved it and wanted to go back in a peak week I might feel more inclined to pay half the rate for a peak week as you have generously offered. If I enjoyed it but didn’t really want to go back to the same area again or didn’t like the villa for some reason then all is good as I haven’t taken away a week’s peak earning income from OP.

Yet they only want a peak week. Why?

Why are they aware your parents don't pay the full going rate ?
did you or your husband tell them.

stick to your guns, this is your income.

It's very kind of you to offer them a reduced price.

There are thousands of places they can choose to holiday in high season on their budget - the Sun newspaper offers £10 holidays ! if they can't afford a villa abroad in high season.

Yes I know the £10 holiday actually costs more according to location / number of people etc. but it will still be a lot cheaper thus affordable.

Do your in-laws help/support you in any way? Mine are great at picking kids up when we need help, giving us money for their bank accounts etc, so if it were me with a villa (I wish!!) then they would absolutely be able to have a week there. It’s mutual respect and love.

if your in-laws are useless, unsupportive or generally rubbish then YANBU.

I’m intrigued though; you earn more than your husband but does he pay all the bills? Just your little comment about your make up etc coming out of your income from the villa.

You've left out the bit about whose money paid for the villa in the first place.

YABU. If they want it every year for a week in peak season, absolutely not on. But as a one off when you are married to their son and you let your family use it, I would give it to them for cleaning costs plus admin, so you’re not out of pocket but you’re not making a profit. Unless you are on the breadline and actually need the money, but it doesn’t sound like this is the case.

TBH it sounds as though you don’t like them much, or you value your family much more highly. The fact that the asset came from “your” side and you own it independently is basically irrelevant if you’re married. You do realise that your DH would also have a claim to it if you got divorced too?

I think you should reframe it every time as them asking you for money.

Don’t say “sorry I can’t lend you the villa”. Say “Sorry Sheila, I can’t give you £6000.” Hopefully the embarrassment will head them off. If not you can say to your high earning husband that if he wants to pay £6000 for his parents holiday, or the generous half price deal you offered, that’s fine. But he should stop suggesting you’re going to give his parents £6000. If he wants them to have that money, he can provide it.

You can't charge your parents for it because they bought it for you. In effect they partly own it morally if not legally.

If you can afford it it's a nice gesture but if you can't I suggest you present it as the value of something it pays for for the kids, like ballet lessons or school fees (presumably) or whatever.

My husband owned a property before he met and that’s his property not ours.

I don’t really see any issue with that. He had it before we met, it’s something he wants to keep, so he does.

I can’t really understand why that would be a problem, given it has no negative impact on our life.

If he was going to lose ~£5k of income from it (or whatever OP gets for a week in peak season) to loan it to people, I’d be supportive in not allowing that regularly (if at all). Its a source of income, her parents funded it, it’s obviously different.

Well, not really, he'd have a claim to an equal share of the assets, pretty sure he couldn't just decide he was getting the villa.

They’re not asking to rent the villa for free. They are asking you to pay for them to have a holiday, which they can’t afford. And DH wants nothing to do with it. You gifting it to your parents when they contributed to the villa and what is ultimately your business, is very different to giving the in-laws something for nothing. Their holiday isn’t your responsibility. I think your offers are perfectly reasonable. And I don’t see why you should be expected to fund your DH parents holiday, when he himself is unwilling.

I mean - look its your villa, you do whatever the fuck you want with it.

Do i think youre being unreasonable? No. Its your villa - do as you please with who you please. Do i think your being mean? Yes. I think it sounds as if you can afford to let them use it, but you just dont want to, maybe you think youll be setting a precedent (i think it might be this) so you want to not allow this - either which way - do what you like, its your villa and no one elses, you get to make the rules, not them.

YABU sort of. I know it’s cheeky. But one week, knowing in advance, is not so bad. Perhaps early July or September is a good compromise. Just say only to you, as you might start getting the siblings and cousins asking too. Depends if you want to keep them happy or if they treat you rubbishly.

You treat both sides of the family equally. Doesn't matter if your parents helped here. It's about being fair. Letting your parents stay and not inlaws is mean. Yabu. However yanbu re any family member staying and not paying in peak season.

Actually I think yes, a lot of people would do this for their family.

Absolutely this. This is how it goes.
Year one - villa lent or rented at mates’ rates (cheap holiday for them, all the same costs for you)
Year two - the same period asked for, followed by complaints about anything that wasn’t quite right for them
Year three - “what do you mean, we can’t have it for the first two weeks in August? Those are our weeks!”