AIBU to not let in laws use my villa for free in peak season?

[dilwithvil]

I have a villa in Europe by the beach that I own independently of my husband. It’s effectively a high-end Airbnb in a very popular area and is usually fully booked from mid May until late September. It’s one of my income streams (I’m a SAHM but I manage several investments/assets, and this is part of my income). My husband also earns a very good salary, for full context, but all of “my spending” (coffee with a friend, make up, clothes, dentist) is paid by me from this income. I earn more than my husband.

My in-laws would like to use the villa for a week in peak season for free. My view is that peak season is when the villa earns money. If I block out a week for them, I’m not just “sharing a holiday home”, I’m giving up a week’s rental income.

I’ve said they’re very welcome to use it either in low season, when bookings are much quieter, or at very short notice if a peak-season booking unexpectedly cancels (which almost never happens).

They’re unhappy with this because they want to be able to plan a holiday well in advance, and they don’t want to go in low season because the weather is less reliable. Even if they paid half the market rate this is more than they would usually pay for a holiday, so they don’t want to pay that either.

For context, my parents do occasionally use the villa in peak season. The villa ultimately came from my side of the family (family money/early inheritance), so I don’t really see that as the same thing. Without them, there wouldn’t be a villa in the first place.

Also, while I get on reasonably well with my in-laws, I wouldn’t choose to holiday with them for a week or two, so inviting them while we’re there isn’t really something I want to do either.

AIBU for saying that if they want to use it in peak season, they should either pay the market rate (or even half), or go in low season? Or should family simply be allowed to use it for free regardless of the income I’d be giving up?

Wow that is incredibly generous. How much do you lose in rental income as a result?

I am sure your family and friends are incredibly grateful for this - I can’t imagine a fiend gifting me a holiday worth thousands anytime I want!

I assume you know your DP’s friends very well. I am not sure I would be comfortable accepting such a generous gift from a friends partner

Why ? She provided the home they live in. They are mortgage free.

For me the issue is that the OP lets her parents use it but not her husband’s parents. Family is family. If you are married, his parents are also your parents.

But her parents actually gave her the villa. OP says PiL haven’t contributed anything and don’t even help with childcare. I’d be very reluctant to accommodate them at peak time, and I think it’s cheeky of them to be insisting that OP lose money rather than take what they’re offered.

No they are in laws and given a good proportion of marriages end in divorce may not even always be in laws.

They bloody well are not.

I married my husband not his family. His parents sure as shit anit my parents 🤣 if that was the rules I would never of become married.

They wouldn't be mortgage free if OP didn't have her own assets/income though so would not have the same lifestyle.

@BellyblueboyI don’t offer it widely :) - dp lets certain of his friends know (it’s mainly one that uses it - his wife is disabled and they struggle to afford holidays abroad). My family all died young so maybe that sways my decision about how I feel - we only live once. No one abuses it, if they did I would stop it. Maybe there’s a back story to OP’s relationship with her in laws - I just can’t see why you wouldn’t let them have it for one week.

@ThreadGuardDog I assume the in-laws aren’t as wealthy as OP’s parents. How many parents can afford to give a holiday home (and possibly other assets like marital home) to their DC.

Threads like this annoy me, where people expect something for nothing, and many replies agree that the OP should give something for nothing.

Having been self-employed myself, as have many others I know, it pisses me off that people who are supposed to like you invariably think you should give your services to them for free. This was brought home to me when a friend required my services, and said he would pay "mate's rates". He then explained that to him, this meant gladly paying full price as what kind of mate, who knows this is your livelihood, would ask you to earn less for them? They should be happy for the chance to support you in your work, not to expect freebies and undervalue what you do.

Although it sounds like the OP is pretty well-off, the fact remains that this is her income, and family should be supporting her by paying the going rate. How much she earns or how she spends her salary is no-one's concern; this is business and asking her for a freebie is no different from saying "You earn more than me, so give us some of your money". Most of us wouldn't be so crass if it were cash we're talking about, so why do people think it's OK to not pay for services?

Stick to your guns, OP!

@ToohotToohotToohotim a SAHM in the sense that my days are for looking after my kids. I rarely do anything away from the kids. Any emails or phone calls are done either quickly on the way to / from parks, zoos, playgrounds or during nap times or after bedtime. The nanny-housekeeper is a housekeeper most of the time but turns into a nanny if I have a rare in person meeting, hairdressing appointment, doctors, that type of thing. I think I could easily manage to do my “work” without employing her, she’s there to help me keep on top of household tasks and, more rarely (not every week at all!), have time to do things outside of the house that I’d rather not bring the kids to.

'Threads like this annoy me, where people expect something for nothing, and many replies agree that the OP should give something for nothing'

Not 'people'. Rather they treat the husband's parents the same as her own. No one is suggesting a free for all.

@ThreadGuardDog
in case of divorce or my death none of it would go to DH, not the family home, not the villa, not any of the investments. Plenty of lawyers have worked on it to ensure that there are no circumstances where it goes to him.
mainly because I know a few too many stories where the kids from the first marriage are disadvantaged after a widow / divorcee remarries, so this is v important to me.

I'm sure the OP will let his parenty for free in any villa they decide to purchase for her/him/them.

In order to sustain our current lifestyle he’d have to also pay for all of my wants and needs. New dress, dentist appointment, haircut, lunch with a friend… will all add up. Also I provide the house and pay anything related to the house (as in the bricks and land) as this helps to ensure (among many many other things) that there is not even a question about the potential of it being split in a divorce.

@dilwithvil so you pay the mortgage.

But if you use it as a family home then it will usually be seen as a marital asset if you divorce

For the posters suggesting I don’t offer the villa to my parents if I don’t want pils to use it…
Aside from the huge factor that they have prepaid all their visits at once by gifting me the villa and without them I wouldn’t have a villa to offer to them or not offer, my parents have also gifted me my life, wiped my arse when I couldn’t, taught me to use a spoon which comes in handy most days. I am forever grateful to them, they have given me more than anyone has or ever will in my entire lifetime (even all material things aside) and I will never be able to repay them. So yes a week in the villa is minuscule compared to what they’ve given me. And no, PILs aren’t the same to me as my own parents. They’ve not birthed me, woken up with me every 30 mins at night, helped me learn to walk, tutored me with school subjects, dressed up as a unicorn in hot weather for my birthday party or housed and fed me for 18+ years

I wouldn’t worry, this has been dealt with.

it’s not always the case that it’s divisible and in our situation it wouldn’t be.

Ultimately, they are incredibly cheeky to suggest this and to put you in this awkward position.

Would I personally let my in laws stay for free? 100% yes. But they are wonderful, generous people who would do anything for us and their grandchildren.

I'm glad we have the relationship we do and would love to be able to treat them like that

So if you divorce what does your DH end up with?

@IonianNerveGrip
perhaps “allowed” wouldn’t be the best way of putting it, but he wouldn’t “consent” to me not having a job and I also couldn’t steal money from his account for my needs so would need his consent to pay for those things from his salary. He wouldn’t give this consent.

He will be ok.

irrelevant to the post as we aren’t divorcing at the moment and the post is on the subject of PILs holidaying in the villa.

@dilwithvil do you not have a joint account?

@dilwithvil did you work before coming a SAHM?

They aren’t the same as her own, and she isn’t obliged to pretend they are. They’re entirely different relationships.