AIBU to feel guilty after matching my husband’s birthday present budget?

[Iliveforglitter]

Me and DH have birthdays a few days apart, I had my 30th and he had his 33rd last week.

I got him a new travel mug, his broke a few weeks ago and he has never left for work without a cup of coffee in hand so he’s been taking an actual mug in the car. I also got him some clothes for our upcoming holiday as he’s not got many shorts.

The night of his birthday he told me he thought is brought him a new game that he wanted, the game is £80.

it did cross my mind a while back, so I feel a bit guilty now.. but I specifically didn’t spend that much because he brought me an £15 throw (one I had looked at to go in our lounge) for my 30th. he asked me for ideas ages ago, he spoke about potentially organising a trip to Florence for a weekend. and I’ve been directly saying “if you want an idea for my birthday I would love a..”

So I just feel I was trying to be equal, but now I feel guilty that he’s disappointed.. AIBU and should I just buy the game? 😫

Don’t buy the game. Is he feeling guilty at your present? No. So match the energy.

When he said about the game, could you not have told him you thought about it but you thought you were doing smaller gifts this year since he gave you that throw (!!) for your 30th(!!!!!!)?

Why would he expect anything more than what he got you a few days earlier ? Already sounds like you spent more than he did.

He bought you a £15 throw for your 30th birthday………….?

Don’t buy the game!

YABU to buy the game when you've bought other things already and YABU to feel guilty that he might be disappointed.

If he wants the game, he just buys it himself if he has the money surely?

Far simpler than getting into a charade of lists, hints and mismatched spending and expectations which is bound to end up with disappointment and wasted money.

Do not feel guilty one bit! He got you a throw for your 30th!!! Are you effing kidding!!!! Absolutely match his energy. He didn’t give one shiny shit so don’t you. Do not give it another thought!

No, the travel mug is fine.

It's just a 33rd birthday not like a special one.

£15 for your 30th?? Is he selfish in other ways?

He spent £15 on something for the house for your 30th birthday and you feel guilty for not spending £80 on a game for his 33rd birthday, because he has purposely put it in your head? He’s a right prize isn’t he?

He got you a £15 throw for your 30th and he had the brass balls to tell you he’s disappointed you didn’t get his an £80 game!? I’d have smothered him with said throw! He’s a stinge bags and that would be giving me the ick!

Dont buy it.

But you do need to have a conversation about it all

How much did you spend on him? More than £15? Don't feel guilty. He needs to understand that what goes around, comes around.

DO NOT BUY THE GAME!
Match his effort so can feel how you felt and if he questions it, say that he set the bar for presents when he bought yours.

Ouch. A £25 for your 30th?? Is he often mean and thoughtless OP?

Ugh he's tight.

No way, do not buy him the game. He bought you a cheap throw for your 30th. His isn’t even a significant birthday.

Quite!!!

Do not buy the game!

This

Your birthdays are in the past now anyway, so why would you buy it now? Presumably he has his own money that he can buy it for himself?

I’d be tempted to say to him “are you seriously having a strop that I didn’t buy you an £80 game, on top of gifts I’d already bought, for your 33rd birthday when you bought me a £15 throw for my 30th?”

What did you get him for his 30th? If he matched your energy for the gift for your 30th, then the throw isn’t an issue technically.

Honestly though, both of you sound pretty shit at present buying. Both of you went with practical gifts - do neither of you ever use a birthday as an opportunity to treat the other to something they WANT as opposed to need? Seems a little sad, but if that’s what you’ve agreed then it’s fair - and would be unreasonable for you to suddenly buy him an expensive game to break that tradition.

Maybe take this as an opportunity to discuss birthday budgets going forwards, and agree to make it stuff that’s a treat from now on to save further disappointment.

The money isn’t the issue for me it’s the fact either of you think a piece of fabric for the living room can be considered a birthday present.

Do not feel guilty. Do not buy the game. You are doing you both a favour with this little wake up call. Seriously OP. Keep matching his energy and be very careful at Christmas. He may get you a hot water bottle if he thinks you won't make a fuss.

You must have spent around nearly £80, so he can now get the game, because the shorts were needed. Your £15 personal spending money will barely buy sun cream and a coffee at the airport. Why and how has he made you feel, like he deserves so more than you? Did he decorate the house in 30 stuff? Did you get a special meal/cake? He's treated you appallingly. Is the upcoming holiday payed for by both of you? How is the division of house work and general finances worked out?

Please tell me there was a bigger effort separate to that gift? He made you a cake, put up banners and balloons, took you out for a special meal or cooked you something nice?

I’ve bought the dog a more expensive blanket/ throw! Is he struggling for money? Are you saving for something which meant he thought you had a lower budget this year for gifts? If he’s expecting £80 game then I suspect not so I’m baffled by this.

”I would have got you the game but after you got me that throw for my 30th, I thought it would be unfair of me to embarrass you by spending over 5 times more than you did, for your 33rd”