AIBU to feel guilty after matching my husband’s birthday present budget?

[Iliveforglitter]

Me and DH have birthdays a few days apart, I had my 30th and he had his 33rd last week.

I got him a new travel mug, his broke a few weeks ago and he has never left for work without a cup of coffee in hand so he’s been taking an actual mug in the car. I also got him some clothes for our upcoming holiday as he’s not got many shorts.

The night of his birthday he told me he thought is brought him a new game that he wanted, the game is £80.

it did cross my mind a while back, so I feel a bit guilty now.. but I specifically didn’t spend that much because he brought me an £15 throw (one I had looked at to go in our lounge) for my 30th. he asked me for ideas ages ago, he spoke about potentially organising a trip to Florence for a weekend. and I’ve been directly saying “if you want an idea for my birthday I would love a..”

So I just feel I was trying to be equal, but now I feel guilty that he’s disappointed.. AIBU and should I just buy the game? 😫

Exactly this.

You are being unreasonable for feeling guilty. He made very little effort for you. You got him thoughtful stuff he needed. He got the house a throw for your 30th. Do not buy him the game. He does not deserve it.

Jeez so many icks here....

Super low effort (I'm not even talking cost here - just effort) for your 30th birthday - despite steering him to things you might like.

DAYS LATER complaining he didn't get what he wanted for his 33rd (like that's even a thing)

a 33year old man asking for a computer game? The biggest ick.

Don't buy it! He is telling you that he expects more effort and money from you on his birthday than he is willing to spend on you.

If you buy the game, you will be agreeing to his tacit expectation.

Were you not a bit disappointed when you were given a £15 throw for the living room for your 30th birthday ?!!!

No way should you go and buy a game !

he was fortunate to get some shorts for the holiday as well as a travel mug - just the travel mug would have matched his spending / thoughts / generosity.

He's a big boy, he'll get over 'the massive disapointment' at not getting a game for his birthday. He can buy his own game and the pair of you need to stop hinting, messing about guessing and costing up gifts to come out equal.
Talk to each other like adults should be able to do.

He’s a cheeky git.
Ask him why he deserves to have £80 spent on him while he only spent a measly £15 for your 30th.
Does he take the piss in other ways too?

A fully grown man wanting a video game? Ewwww. That would give me the ick. Is he into toy trains and Lego too?! Man children are not attractive. Not alone ones who don’t even buy you an a gift, he got something for the living space.
You deserve better OP. I think you need therapy to help you discover your own self worth, instead of being treated so badly and feeling guilty about it….

I think there are bigger issues at play here such as

• he deemed it acceptable to get you £15 throw for your lounge for your 30th
• He talked about organising a trip to Florence but didn't bother doing anything. I wonder what you did for him on his 30th, I bet it was thoughtful and you spent a lot.
• Even when you matched the value of the gift yours was actually thoughtful as it was something he needed for himself.
• On that how lazy is he that he could not be bothered to replace a travel mug.
• He had the audacity to feel disappointed you didn't get his grown 33 year old man self a game. Let me guess he games and you do not?
• You feel guilty when you have nothing to feel guilty about.

I think this is all that’s needed to be said on the matter really.

You should have just commented 'there we are then'.

How about.... oh that's lovely that you have treated yourself to a birthday present.. maybe I should do that too!!

Unless there is a massive drip feed from OP coming in soon. that's escalating the situation, after the therapy should she ltb too?🙄
I'm probably older than a lot of Mners and I play video games sometimes to relax, or is that okay because I'm a woman?
What's the problem with train lay outs -very expensive hobby or Lego? A lot of the specialised kits are not for the average 6 year old.
OP and h need to start talking to each other, not messing about hinting and sulking about birthday presents. She can treat herself just as he can himself.
None of this is rocket science.

Nope , only £15.

Oh God, not another man-child sulking over a ‘game?’

I must be too old for this world, cos if my DH huffed and puffed over a game

like a spotty sulking teenager would

Id be laughing in his face! And the insulting twerp got you a £30 throw whilst sulking (aged 33) about a bloody game?

Hell no.

He wouldn’t need to worry about my 31st birthday present…I’d be gone🙄

Buying you something cheap for the house for your 30th is truly awful. Especially when you had been giving him ideas about things youd like. Its so bad that I'd be thinking its a deliberate Fuck You. If my DH had done that friends and family would be taking the piss out of him till kingdom come. A throw for the couch? what a cheap, miserable bastard! Is he normally that bad with presents? I'd be having a conversation with my husband about that as it would have pissed me off no end. The fact that he expected you to buy him something thought out and well chosen means he knows full well how gift giving works. He just could not be arsed doing that for you, he sounds horrible. You need to speak to him about it and tell him how disappointing and inappropriate that gift is or you'll end up with some tea towels for xmas.

Edit; £15 throw…

Dear Lord 😵‍💫

We cross-posted here!! 😁

So what did you say in response to him?
'Well, you bought me a £15 throw for my 30th, so I thought thats the kind of budget we were putting into birthdays now. I did think that given it was my 30th you would have booked something special like that weekend we were talking about, so its a bit surprising to me that you are even bringing this up, dont you realise how it makes you look, to make so little effort for my 30th but then get annoyed I didnt buy you that game?'

i think you're both being unreasonable. you for looking up the exact value of a gift he bought you and purposely matching it monetarily, i think that's taking all of the joy out of gift giving. and him for ignoring your hints and getting something so low effort for your 30th birthday, and also for trying to make you feel bad and buy a game for him after the fact!! that's not how gifts work, you cant just demand something else after someone already got you things!

but i think you just need to have an honest chat around expectations for gift giving.

She didn't need to look the price up, they saw it together while out.

He bought you a £15 throw for your 30th birthday.!!! A throw I assume, he's also going to make use of.

And you bought him thoughtful things that were useful for him. You really should have bought him something like a mop and bucket, which would probably have cost about the same as the throw, and like the throw, you could both have made use of.

Why the hell are you feeling guilty about the amount you spent. I think your presents to him were absolutely fine.

My god raise the bar!

tell him that you'll buy the game when he has your birthday trip to Florence booked.

My ex-h did fuck all for my 30th too. Even forgot to book time off work for a short break we’d had planned (that I booked and paid for of course). It was his birthday too so no excuse for forgetting.

We got divorced 2 years later. it opened my eyes to how shit he actually was.

DO NOT buy him the game.