AIBU to feel guilty after matching my husband’s birthday present budget?

[Iliveforglitter]

Me and DH have birthdays a few days apart, I had my 30th and he had his 33rd last week.

I got him a new travel mug, his broke a few weeks ago and he has never left for work without a cup of coffee in hand so he’s been taking an actual mug in the car. I also got him some clothes for our upcoming holiday as he’s not got many shorts.

The night of his birthday he told me he thought is brought him a new game that he wanted, the game is £80.

it did cross my mind a while back, so I feel a bit guilty now.. but I specifically didn’t spend that much because he brought me an £15 throw (one I had looked at to go in our lounge) for my 30th. he asked me for ideas ages ago, he spoke about potentially organising a trip to Florence for a weekend. and I’ve been directly saying “if you want an idea for my birthday I would love a..”

So I just feel I was trying to be equal, but now I feel guilty that he’s disappointed.. AIBU and should I just buy the game? 😫

Do not buy the game! He can buy it himself with the money he saved on your birthday gift/the trip to Florence that hasn’t materialised.

The fact that he questioned your gift to him after buying you a £15 throw for your 30th birthday, makes him sound really selfish and thoughtless.

I think you both should have a chat about birthdays and expectations around gifts and effort. Birthdays are really important to me and while DP and I don’t do material gifts, effort is very much expected and appreciated by both of us. You deserve better.

👏👏

Wow, what a tight arse he is! For my 30th I got a 5 day trip to New York with my oh, all spending money, activities etc and perfume, clothes, all meals out to celebrate with family and friends etc. and we are by no means rich, or even what would be deemed “very comfortable” financially, he just saved up and worked extra hours! If he is going to buy you a £15 throw for a milestone birthday he can buy the game himself! Cheeky fucker.

Sorry! I pressed YABU but obvs you are NOT! Wrong button ...Ignore my statistics sliver

That’s completely over the top. I’d be bloody furious with my bloke if he thought that was a sensible use of money. But then I’m not a princess.

DON'T YOU DARE BUY HIM THAT GAME!
Why does he think he can get away with treating you like that?
I'll tell you why, it's because he knows it's easy to manipulate you and make you feel guilty.
You have to stop being such a pushover. Stop feeling guilty and if you can't stop then 'fake it till you make it'.

You've already spent far more on him than he did on you, despite his birthday being a run-of-the-mill birthday (a throw! In a heatwave!!)

If anything, buy yourself something nice.

Id just ask him:
Why do you expect £100 spent on your 33rd birthday when you bought me a £15 throw for the house for my milestone 30th birthday?

This isnt a relationship i envy....

A. She didn't look up the price, she was there.
B. Where did she say she matched the £15? She got him a travel mug AND clothes
C. She told him her expectations when she was giving him ideas for what she'd like.

A throw is what you buy your ageing Aunt or Granny, not your hot wife's milestone birthday

A throw for your 30th birthday? Wow that is disgraceful, is he not embarrassed??

Do not buy him the game.

You should have said ‘yes but I thought you would have bought me XYZ and instead I received a throw so I’m matching your gift giving 🙂’

God if you weren’t married I would say dump him.

Precisely. That would’ve been the end of the line for me!

Honestly the bar is so low for men, but women do need to take some accountability too - why would you choose to stay with such a low effort man?

Hang on a minute……..he bought you a throw costing £15 as a birthday gift FOR YOU HOME?? Tight fisted bugger! And your 30th too……bloody insult!

Are you both low earners or are there financial difficulties? Do you have kids? Im just a bit surprised that a throw and a travel mug are acceptable gifts for man & wife in early 30s. That’s what I’d gift a mate, or a stocking filler for a relative at Christmas.

I think the travel mug was perfectly acceptable gift in response to the throw. The OP says she matched his gift spend.

A £15 throw that will go in the lounge for your 30th birthday?

Why the hell would you then spend £70 on a game for him!

Is he always so mean with his money but generous with yours?

I'd not be feeling bad about the gifts you have bought him. I would however, be deciding if this is really a relationship I wanted to stay in.

She also got him clothes, so I doubt she only spent £15

You should not feel guilty. He should be embarrassed.

You had a milestone birthday and he bought you one cheap gift, not something you asked for or needed and ignored what you asked for.

You bought him several items, all of which he needed. These cost at least double what he spent (not sure how much the clothes cost but double the cost is probably on the low end).

And he has the audacity to query what you got him and expect yet another expensive item. He’s basically saying he is important and lots of money should be spent on him whereas you do not matter and he’ll put in minimal effort. just disgusting

I am not sure your question will be answered correctly with the YABU/YANBU
as you are BU to second guess yourself but YANBU to match his lack of interest in gifts

you are only being unreasonable for still spending a lot more than him. I would have just got the travel cup.

A cheap throw is an utterly shit present for your wife for her 30th. Come on.

Did you tell him you were disappointed by his lack of effort for your birthday? Tell him you matched his energy, see what he says.

If you can afford it, I’d book the trip to Florence, for the Autumn, pay the deposit (quite low on Jet2) and tell him it’s your joint birthday present which you’re both paying for. At least you’d get to go.
Id also not be pleased with a throw for my 30th. It’s not about the money, but the thought. A £15 shower gel or hand cream would have been more personal.

Match his energy.
A throw for your 30th birthday?
Mean.
Complaining about not getting an £80 game?

You have one miserable future in front of you if this is who he is.
Do not inflict a mean man on children.
It's an awful childhood.

He bought you a cheap ass throw for your 30th and wanted a pricey game.

Sucks to be him. Match that shitty gift energy is exactly right here.

If you want to talk about it you could say how you felt about getting a cheap throw for your 30th and how you feel he put no thought or energy into it.

I went to Greece and Turkey for my 30th and cruised some islands and I'm not usually one for big birthdays. But 30 is different.

This was a big L for him. You've got a cheapass husband who takes you for granted and now you know.