To un-invite friend from dinner after she sent me message by mistake - Update

[Dinnertext]

Hi all, my previous thread closed before I had the chance to add any further post today. For those interested, my friend replied to my message where I said I was upset she hadn’t apologised.

She ignored that part, and basically demanded I re-invite her on Saturday because it’s too late for her to make any alternative plans and it’s unfair to expect her to spend the evening alone. She reiterated the takeaway ‘offer’ and said as far as she is concerned , my Husband has said she’s still more than welcome to attend.

DH has just repeated the same position in that he’s staying out of it and that he wouldn’t turn anyone away at the door. He has basically told me this evening to be the bigger person and draw a line under it and not risk ruining his and his friends evening.

The audacity of her! And your husband too. I'd break the telly

The comments on this thread are becoming more ridiculous by the hour.

By tomorrow, op will be in a safe house via Women's Aid at this rate.

I understand the sentiments here but to my mind that would make the OP feel it was her who was the outcast. Her DH should be supporting her at least until it's sorted, if at all. I can't imagine how it feels to find out so called friends have been showing such disdain towards genuine hospitality by basically making a fool of you to other friends. Absolutely awful.

She didn’t know the food MAY have made her ill. She found out accidentally because she saw the mocking text meant for someone else. And it’s that that is the issue. It’s talking mockingly behind her back and then dismissing her feelings and not apologising and then moaning about an evening gone alone rather than apologising, trying to guilt OP into relenting. She is selfish and manipulative. She is duplicitous and not genuine. She lacks empathy. Who needs friends like that?

How odd of her to insist on still coming after being told she wasn’t welcome.

And if it’s too late for her to make alternative plans, why does that mean she needs to come to yours? Isn’t she an expert cook with loads of high quality food at home? Why can’t she simply make herself dinner and watch the telly?

She's a right CF isn't she, demanding to turn up where she isn't wanted!

I would be swithering between decamping to a fancy hotel (taking the remote control - oops!) and having a few guests of my own - friends with the noisiest, unruliest children possible, then hyping them up on Haribos and issuing them with kazoos. Alas though, the match would go on past their bedtimes.

Seriously though, the woman's got a right brass neck and your DH is a disgrace. He could easily meet his friend elsewhere and save you all of this hassle, but he chooses not to.

Do you have any other friends you could invite? If you have another female friend perhaps she could come and join you for dinner; your dh, his friend + unapologetic partner could then have their take away and watch football without you.

do she have a history of this kind of behaviour @dinnertext

I'd cancel it OP

The brass neck of this woman is staggering.
And both husbands are spineless.

I think the telly might develop a terminal fault that can’t be rectified on Saturday afternoon and you’ll be at a spa for the afternoon/ overnight

I'd just confront her when she walks in the door. Say you're disappointed she hasn't apologised, you don't like being bitched about to other friends behind your back and that she's made quite the jump that it was your food that caused her D&V - it could have been a virus or something completely different and it's upsetting and hurtful to be joked about with others when there's clearly no proof. it's quite an accusation. Then say you feel her actions and lack of apology have damaged your opinion of her, that you don't have the same values of honesty, loyalty and kindness and then walk out the door and don't look back. Stay somewhere else that night.

your husband's not keeping out of it though is he he's quite clearly keeping in it He's chosen to make his friend and the friend's rude wife happy over his own wife. I would say if the husband comes on his own or neither of them come, I suspect that you probably did most of the cooking last time anyway which explains why the husbands not quite so arsed about the rudeness . Howard reply to her. You are not invited, you are not welcome, It is not my problem it's too late for you to go somewhere else but that's a consequence of being so rude.

No it’s not ok to insult OP and she has behaved shocking but nowhere have I said it’s ok to insult OP

Hundreds of posters agree with you but I think you now have to show your ‘D’H this thread and make him read it properly, then tell you that you have to suck it up. FFS.🤦🏻‍♀️

Is this the situation where op got food poisoning at someones house and they didn’t apologise? Honestly, if you can’t feel relaxed eating somebody’s catering, it’s best to just suggest a take away. I have a friend who is a terrible cook, her food not only isn’t enjoyable but gives me absolutely raging indigestion. I don’t know what she does to it, but it doesn’t work. I always suggest take aways now!

Again I understand the sentiments in general but why on earth would she even consider leaving her own home to accommodate this rude unapologetic woman. I'm all for making peace but sadly there are situations where if it's one sided & the person responsible for the upset refuses to accept the wrong doing then you have to accept it & move on.

Or she could simply show him the patio….

I would go to bed and let them all get on with it.

Your husband would rather upset you and let you feel humiliated, than defend you and rock the boat. Or spend money on a taxi.

You could give him these options:

1. You are going out for the night, and staying in a hotel.
2. He and his mate go to a pub. He can get a taxi to a less local one.
3. He messages his friend and re-arranges at their home.

Right now he is taking the path of least resistance for himself, regardless of how you feel. There is no reason whatsoever he can't do one of these things.

It’s all so disappointing for you. Maybe the best thing to do is insist to your friend that she invites your husband over and say you might calm down sometime in the future. Give yourself space

Can you please add a link to the first thread?
Thank you! 🙂

I've been giving this some serious thought...

My TV has a timer/reminder function. It's an LG.

So, as BBC1 is showing Pretty Woman at 10.25, that would be long enough to lull them into a false sense of security...IYSWIM.

Make sure you take the batteries from the remote (and all other same-sized batteries from other remotes/clocks etc).

25mins into the game, and BAM, there's a rather dishy Richard Gere on screen instead of Haaland scoring his second goal.

IF you decide to go away for the night, imagine your shock next day, when you wake up to tons of texts/missed calls whilst enjoying breakfast in the very nice hotel you took yourself off to or your mums spare room/sofa for that matter.

If you stay - you will need to practice your poker face. 😉

Isn’t this all a bit storm in a teacup?

I have a shovel in the shed that could do with an outing...

I'm just shocked that she still hasn't apologised. A friend would apologise.