AIBU to raise this comment about DD’s sleepover with school?

[onyourbill]

Honestly don’t know if I am or not!

All very much kids stuff but 12 year “friend” of DD, who we have nothing but endless trouble with, has gone round telling people at school that my DH will sleep with the girls at DD’s upcoming birthday sleepover which obviously isn’t happening whatsoever. She obviously means in the same room, but I’m really not comfortable with her saying this whatsoever as she knows exactly what she’s saying. AIBU to speak with school or am I overthinking?

This kid has been relentless for months with my DD so I’m very aware that it doesn’t take much for her to completely naff we off…

Of course it was! Bloody misinterpreting things to be malicious and superior!! Grow up!

Oh dear I'm sorry OP. Teenagers can be vicious. My friend's 12 yo has been diagnosed with suspected borderline personality disorder. She made up crazy lies about her parents chaining her to radiators and all kinds of other other physical abuse allegations and was removed from her family. She refused to see them again. She saw her grandmother eventually and told her it was because she was angry that they wouldn't let her change school. I have no doubt they weren't the best parents - very selfish mother and odd father - but even social services eventually decided she had made it all up. Terrifying.

Read it!

She said "which obviously isn’t happening whatsoever". How much clearer could she have been?

How on Earth anybody interpreted the OP as the DH will be sleeping in the same room is beyond me. Reading comprehension of a 2 year old. Blimey.

Agree with PPs to contact her parents, though if she's like this can't imagine you will get much joy. If not, perhaps do go to the school and explain that you have asked her parents to help to no avail, and perhaps to hold a meeting with them and the girl, if anything just to scare her into understanding that rumours like this are and can be extremely malicious. People's lives ruined over things like this. Don't take it lightly.

What!! You’re still going to invite her over?! No bloody way. Rude kids don’t get invites.

When DD’s best friend had a sleepover party the girl’s mum told me at drop-off that her husband was staying at his brother’s house that evening. She was telling all parents in case there was a concern over there being an unknown man in the house. Not saying this should be something you consider but there are some parents who think this is appropriate.

That's a good result, but have you also contacted the school's safeguarding lead about it?

No, you misunderstand, OP is saying her daughter would be upset if they cancelled the sleepover and she wouldn't do that to her daughter. She was saying she was in two minds to ask her husband to stay elsewhere so there is no misunderstanding or concern presumably on from the other girls that were invited, no the trouble maker, who is banned.

Not a bad idea though

Op did say that obviously it is not happening

I hope so OP.

I would have been in agreement to mention to the school as if what this girl is saying does get overheard by a teacher, the school would have to raise it as a safeguarding incident regarding your family. But fingers crossed all resolved .

Is troublesome friend trying to sabotage dd's sleepover on purpose?
I would get dd to send out a text from you confirming dh is NOT sleeping in the room with the girls and leave your contact number for if they or parents wish to confirm

'has gone round telling people at school that my DH will sleep with the girls at DD’s upcoming birthday sleepover which obviously isn’t happening whatsoever. She obviously means in the same room, but I’m really not comfortable with her saying this whatsoever as she knows exactly what she’s saying.'

Not really, at first I read it as 'friend is saying that DH will sleep with the girls, but it obviously isn't happening whatsoever, she actually means the same room. I'm not comfortable with her saying 'sleeping with' because it sounds worse and she knows what she is saying'. It isn't clear that OP meant no sex OR actually sleeping in the same room either (even though it may seem obvious).

OP also didn't say that the 'friend' wasn't actually invited to the party, but agreed that the friend probably spread the rumour out of jealousy. So I don't think that it's lack of comprehension. OP could have been more clear.

'"which obviously isn't happening whatsoever"
sounds pretty clear to me.
Should have gone to specsavers'

'"which obviously isn't happening whatsoever" yeah- the no sex part was obvious, but the no sleeping in the same room wasn't obvious. She could have said 'no sleeping by either meaning is happening whatsoever'.

because (as obvious as it seems), she didn't clarify that no sleeping in the same room would be happening, just ''which obviously isn't happening whatsoever' applied to no sex.

There are TWO things that aren't happening, but OP only said that one was obviously not happening.

We only have boys, but have mixed sleepovers. One of our son’s best mates is a girl. We also welcome younger siblings of his friends - two are younger sisters. We have been close friends with the parents for years and years. We are a small group and we trust them and they trust us.

Even then; we are very aware that young people (especially girls) comfort comes first.
We make sure they change in the bathroom with a locked door. Husband will not enter a room where the girls are. He would never be alone in a room with any of them - boys or girls.

I absolutely get what you are saying op. You must bend over backwards to ensure you are doing everything right. To have a “friend” of your child willing to spread untrue stories, for whatever reason, is absolutely terrifying.
I’m glad your daughter understands why you have asked her to distance herself from this girl. I’m very glad that the parents have taken it on board, although that could change. Stay alert! She is clearly a manipulative, vindictive little sod!
Just wanted send {un-mumsnetty} hugs and support!

OP, the confusion with people thinking the rumour spreader is invited is that you quoted a post saying they wouldn’t invite her to anything and replied “my DD would be so upset, I could never do that to her” etc etc.
This is why people think/thought she was invited. I thought the same.
You also proceeded to say rumour spreader was now banned from your house for good but when questioned if she visits regularly, you said no. If she doesn’t visit, then what is the relevance of her being banned for good?
i can see why there’s a lot of confusion on this thread 🤨

Don't think I'm the only one who originally read this as this girl was throwing about rumours that your DH was going to have sex with the girls at the sleepover.
Either way it's disturbing but I'm glad it's not THAT disturbing!

Your DH shouldn't have to leave for the night. This kid is a troublemaker. Uninvite from the sleepover and make sure the school are aware of her nasty rumours.

No - the problem is taking place at school. It’s bullying behaviour and the school needs to be involved.

The OP and your subsequent comments are confusing. I, too, read it as your dh will be sleeping in the same room and that you won't uninvite the girl as your dd woul be devastated.

As I understand it the group of kids going to the sleepover all attend the same school. If it happens in school or is anyway associated with school then it has to do with the school and the culture of the students that attend it that the school has a great influence over. To go back to the idea that "it didn't happen on school property so it's nothing to do with us" allows schools to avoid responsibility and to discourage parents from complaining. It also allowed staff to manipulate bullying, targetting it at pupils they have a prejudice against or one that doesn't conform to their norms turning them into a scapegoat and an example to others rolled into one. This is something they were trained to do, I used to work in the library of a long established teacher training college and saw many of the older text books that were quite explicit about it, while the more recent dressed the same idea up in pop psychology speak
With higher levels of university education and pressure on politicians passed on to schools parents have gradually felt more confident to challenge the schools approach to bullying and it has declined- but not stopped. However, as recently as 20 years ago schools were still trying it on with these excuses and I had to go through formal lines of complaint Head teacher, governors councillors etc and take notes of everything staff said to get them to act appropriately- during which time my very intelligent autistic son continued to suffer. To present the idea that "it has nothing to do with the school" opens the way to a return to that kind in institutional behaviour

It's a school safeguarding issue . . .

She'd be upset that her bully who's spreading awful rumours about her dad, isn't invited anymore??

Actually it wasn't. If it was then there would only be a very few people saying he should not sleep inthe same room. For so many people to make the same 'mistake' means it was confusing.

I also found it unclear and was going to say to OP do not let him stay in the same room.