AIBU to raise this comment about DD’s sleepover with school?

[onyourbill]

Honestly don’t know if I am or not!

All very much kids stuff but 12 year “friend” of DD, who we have nothing but endless trouble with, has gone round telling people at school that my DH will sleep with the girls at DD’s upcoming birthday sleepover which obviously isn’t happening whatsoever. She obviously means in the same room, but I’m really not comfortable with her saying this whatsoever as she knows exactly what she’s saying. AIBU to speak with school or am I overthinking?

This kid has been relentless for months with my DD so I’m very aware that it doesn’t take much for her to completely naff we off…

This is why my daughter never went on sleepovers and we never hosted any.
I would seriously rethink the party sleepover in light of this.

Never ever? Not even when 14? 15?

Still go ahead with the sleepover, make sure your dh stays somewhere else. You don’t want this girl talking other kids into saying your dh was inappropriate whilst they were at yours.

let the school know and leave it at that.

Absolutely this. It's extremely worrying why this girl is spreading rumours around regarding your husband. It's not normal behaviour in my book. At 12, your daughter is perfectly able to understand why this girl can't be at the sleepover or be in your home. You need to not only protect your children but also your husband, and the only way to make sure, is by not allowing this girl in your home.

You've mentioned that this girl is troubled, and this particular behaviour very much shows that. It suggests that something may be going on in her life that needs investigating, so that help can be put in place.

Sleepovers were a huge deal for me and my fondest memories.

I hope your Daughter has a lovely sleepover in spite of what the awful girl is going around saying.

Hopefully the school takes this seriously and removes the bully from the school. Those are the kind of accusations that are life changing.

Yes, although I think its good to stay out of friendship dramas once children get to a certain age there is always times where you have to take charge and put your foot down. Luckily your daughter seems to have other friends so shouldn't be too hard.

If this involved my family I would be involving a lawyer. This is the type of thing that can lead to your husband getting physically attacked or losing work

Yes, it is a school issue if it is happening at school. Most schools don't like parents contacting other parents as it can cause bigger issues. Would be different if you were on friendship terms with the parents.

Yes, a bully in the making.

And even if the girl isn't being abused (and at 12 they know enough about pedophiles to make up anything) she still needs to know how dangerous her rumours are and have her behaviour nipped in the bud.

I would also re-iterate to the parents of the girls who are attending what the sleepover will consist of and where they will be sleeping. My oldest had a sleepover a few years ago, we hired a company to set up the beds etc and it was lovely.

The girls all slept downstairs together and their parents were told that and we also advised the girls to come ready in their PJ’s. That way no one has to get changed at your house either.

People do get concerned about sleepovers and safety so we made sure all the parents had the information they needed to feel secure in their girls safety.

Actually some did. I knew one when I was a child in the 70s and she never really changed as an adult. Compulsive liars have been around for generations and 12 year olds are not babies.

It's exactly what she said in her OP "....sleepover which obviously isn’t happening whatsoever". ??

Please don’t raise with parents as this could be the place she is at risk sadly, and could increase risks. Speak to school only

This absolutely! Very worrying that a student would even be thinking like this at 12 years old - one wonders what goes on in her home life. And yes, as the rumours are behind spread through school, school needs to deal with it.

Hopefully they can have a word with the girl who is spreading the rumours and get her to understand the seriousness of what she is hinting at.

Don't go directly to her parents - that will only complicate matters further and potentially lead to trouble.

Good luck, hope it gets sorted. Really feel for you all, and especially your poor DD.

All the people saying nothing to do with the school or not to tell the school 🤯🤯. This is absolutely something you must raise with the school as a safeguarding issue. The school will absolutely want to know this has been shared and that you are completely on board with any information they'd like to ask because of the accusations. I'm so sorry you're having to go through something like this, these comments can absolutely ruin people's lives.

Interested by this suggestion. What would you expect a lawyer to do at this stage? Genuine question - this would not have occured to me, but perhaps I am being hugely naive?

I had a friend years ago who was completely falsely accused by a girl of doing something - there were a room full of witnesses to say he did nothing of the kind. They were both teenagers at the time. She spread this rumour amongst their friends and acquaintances. He spoke to a solicitor who wrote a formal letter to her requesting she stop. And she did!

At least read the thread, it's not hard!!!

"telling people at school that my DH will sleep with the girls at DD’s upcoming birthday sleepover which obviously isn’t happening whatsoever"

Comprehension problems?

That does sound like what you said... not OK at all! I know you said since he doesn't and won't but it's all a bit confusing.

Didn’t sound like that to me as OP said this would never happen.
I wouldn’t like my DD associating with this girl.

What does it have to do with school?

The girl is spreading this rumour at school. So everything to do with school and hopefully they can help with the issues this girl must have. Maybe less so now given the OP also contacted the parents but who knows.