To think this is the most awful thing to say to a parent

[Kate8889]

My mom has a husband she's been with for about 12 years, they're in their 60s.

He has a sister and their father recently died after a very difficult few years of Alzheimer's disease (he was physically combative on the daily).

This sister (in front of everyone) told her mom that if a person gets a diagnosis such as Alzheimer's it is the person's responsibility that they don't become a burden on their loved ones and they should end their life. I cannot imagine saying that to anyone but especially my parents.

Yeah it would have to be a years ago you signed this. If you still feel the same here is the tablet. If you don’t off you go.

I guess.

I know that’s a very over simplified way of looking at it mind.

She's smart. If I get that diagnosis I'm taking care of business and then harvesting all the poisonous plants I've been growing to make a tea to die for.

Yeah. It's really tricky. And I was wondering if you could have a legal document saying 'if/when I get dementia I wish to assisted die'. And apparently you can't even really do that?

Interesting on the news re Jersey today, but you have to have lived there for a year (how?) to use their assisted dying scheme. Isle of Man heading that way too. You’d put an animal out of its misery. I find it totally inhumane to allow a person to deteriorate in this way. I’ve told my Dh to put me out on a mountain in minus temperatures and a bottle of vodka. He recently investigated someone jumping off the cliff at Beachy Head where apparently there are priests on patrol trying to persuade people not to jump!

Me and my brother tell our parents they'll be off to Switzerland before we care for them. It's a joke, we obviously would look after them. However, our parents are currently looking after their parents, and it's bloody hard work. My mum always says she wants me to smother her if she gets like that. Clearly, I wouldn't. But I hope euthanasia is legal in this country when I'm old, as I'd absolutely take that option over putting my kids through the stress and heartache of looking after me.

I get that it's not a nice thing to hear someone say, but some families use dark humour to communicate in serious times. Very few people would genuinely off their parents at the first chance!

Are they poisonous enough? I guess I need to do research. I’ve always liked having solutions, problem solving. I guess this is an ultimate one.

DF always said he’d top himself, after seeing his own DM get worse and worse and end up in a dementia care home. Unfortunately he lost himself very quickly, he didn’t know he was suffering from dementia. He’s been in a dementia care home for 4 years, he tries to escape several times a day because he doesn’t want to be there. He doesn’t know where he is, can’t string a sentence together or shower himself, he just knows he doesn’t want to be there. .it’s ver sad.

What the absolute fuck? I hope she inherits nothing and that someone puts her out of THEIR misery when she gets dementia.

I think one of the Unforgotten had this as well; a group of people doing each other’s murders. The one with Rosie Cavallero as a nurse. It was excellent. Actually, come to think of it, it may have been just one person and they all had something against him, like murder on the orient express. Gah, I can’t remember. But it was very good.

You can say you refuse all treatment for any condition in the event of a dementia diagnosis. It’s called an advance directive that you have attached to your medical notes. It’s the reason I refuse to have the pneumonia vaccine which confers lifelong immunity.

100% agree with everything you say.

It is very hard looking after anyone with dementia. I mourn the person still alive that I have lost. There are two issues here. Firstly demwntia care is very poor. We get limited support and getting medicine recalibrated is really hard . So we risk making decisions based on poor care. Second I am not convinced that family could ever decide on the wishes of someone impaired by dementia. I do not think it is for any relative ti decide a life is worthless.

This! Totally agree with the sentiment!

What if you change your mind?

I wondered this. I think if you’ve lost capacity and the advance directive still stands, you’re pretty much stuffed !!

I’ve made my decision while I’m of sound mind. Any subsequent decision when I’m not of sound mind doesn’t count. Like making a will, no solicitor would allow me to change my will if my mind was unsound.

Ah ok thank you for explaining. It's a big worry for me. I mean I think I may well pass on from something else cause of my health but I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

And where does that end?

In Belgium you can opt for voluntary euthanasia in the event you are diagnosed with dementia, and this is carried out at the point you are no longer capable. There are numerous stories of how patients are held down and then euthanised against their will. In that instance I don’t care what someone has consented to while of sound mind, if you’re not of sound mind you’re not capable of consent, and so if you’re held down and euthanised that is murder as far as I’m concerned.

If you tell a bloke that you want to have sex with him that night and then get too drunk to essentially consent at the time it’s rape, because you didn’t have capacity to consent at the time of the act.

This is no different.

I think there’s a difference between that and giving life prolonging treatment. Too often we enable people to stay alive when they would essentially die naturally of the illnesses they contract, the heart failures etc, and what kind of life are you preserving then?

It’s a huge worry for me. My mum’s family is riddled with it. I’m absolutely determined to avoid it if at all possible. A quick, sharp untreated dose of pneumonia would work.

I have done an advanced directive. No treatment from the moment I’m diagnosed with dementia and lose capacity, same as if I have a massive brain injury

I think it's personal choice, not resposibility, but i personally would in that situation. I don't want my kids to go through that, again. it's bad enough with their granddad.

Thing is, though, the moment you're diagnosed with dementia and the moment (if it's even possible to pinpoint a single moment) when you lose capacity are not one and the same. In most cases the outcome of a dementia scenario is going to be starkly different from a massive brain injury, where you might die outright or soon after. Dementia can mean a very slow and gradual decline until the inevitable. Are you saying you wouldn't even accept treatment to maximise your quality of life in the interim?

Thanks for the condolences. 🙂

In all honesty, I'm cynical enough (or possibly enough of a realist) to think so too re coercion. Depressing thought.

A total of 651 british citizens have travelled to Dignitas since in opened in 1998. A lot of people blather on about making plans, but very few actually go through with it.

Very few have the money to go through with it - it’s about £15k isn’t it?