Four kids tuned up

[Boymum776]

My son is in Reception, and he’s one of the youngest in the year. We invited his whole class to his birthday party through the class WhatsApp group. There are 30 children in the class. This year I’ve taken my son to pretty much every class party we’ve been invited to, or at least every one we were able to attend. I’ve made an effort to chat to the other parents too, even though a lot of them already know each other because their children all went to the same nursery.

Four children turned up to my son’s party. The venue had a minimum of 12 children, so I still had to pay for 12 places. It’s not even just about the money, it’s seeing your child so excited for their birthday and then watching hardly anyone come. I’m just so angry and disappointed. It honestly feels like a parent popularity contest rather than people thinking about the children. They’re only five years old. At this age, birthdays should be about making kids feel included and celebrated, not about who the parents already know. I feel like writing a bit fuck you in the class chat, obviously I won’t… but HOW do I get over the anger when I have to see these people 5 days a week!

I remember when ds2 went to a reception party only him and 1 other turned up from the class and this was a whole class party.

Terrible behaviour, what a load of arseholes!
I hope he had a great party regardless.

DS is in reception and it's all class parties with about 2 thirds attending dependent on who is free/ away etc. There is one mum who definitely seems to only go to her friends kids parties (DS is having a party on Sunday and she hasn't even bothered to RSVP which I think is really rude). Luckily most people are less cliquey and more polite.

Next time I'd follow up the people who responded yes with a "just checking you can come on..." But it sounds like there are some double standards based on the response another parent got to a party invite.

We had this in my middle.daughters year, just a big group from the same nursery who didn’t know they were doing it because they were thrilled with themselves and they and their kids were having a great time. It really sucks!

That’s so annoying.

Hmmm, I would have DMd all the parents and made sure that they are coming. I would say that sending an invite in a WhatsApp group can easily get lost for a lot of people - as so many people are in so many.

Also another question I have is how many of those children are your child’s best friend? At nursery and reception, I only did small parties and invited my DDs closest as the kids will annoy their parents until they can come. I think her nursery party had 2 people from her class, plus lots of family which made it full. Her reception party had 5 of her closest friends at home, and I think year 1 or 2 was more of a whole class one but I only really invited her closest friends friends and messaged the parents privately with details to make sure they were coming. I wasn’t a popular mum, but she was a popular child so the kids in her class invited themselves - I think a lot of parties can be child led later on.

I think the mum groups can be cliquey, and I made my mum friends nearer the end of DDs primary school, and we’ve stayed friends as they were more my people.

I say this to say, don’t give the mums too much thought.

I know it’s rubbish but it’s either you play their stupid game (I wouldn’t) or find mum friends that you can rely on (better option).

Its hard work eh!

Did she though?

OP, it would help if you provided a rough timeline and the wording of the invite and poll.

This is disappointing and upsetting but don’t take it personally. The parents did not think beyond their own circumstances but nobody was deliberately targeting you. They were just individually selfish and thoughtless. It just feels worse because of the impact of lots of individual selfish decisions and you already feel like an outsider. Often girls don’t want to go to the boys’ parties and vice versa at that age. I’d be disappointed but not angry. I appreciate the financial side of things hurts but you had earmarked the cash for the party anyway. How many turned up in total? There were four classmates, plus your son plus cousins from the sounds of it. That’s at least six or seven. Plenty to have fun with. Your son probably had a great birthday and that is all that matters. Don’t let him see your disappointment or frustration.
just try and reframe it in your head. Whole class parties can be a bit of a nightmare at that age if they all do turn up. Half a dozen pals at an activity can be more enjoyable. Hopefully, he had a great day. Navigating school social life is not easy but neither of you will remember this in five months’ time let alone five years.

Nope… you can canvas opinion BUT then you have to set up a whatsapp group saying thanks you could come to Child’s bday - full details below let me know and dietary requirements

I send an individual invite then when peeps have said yes I add them to a group ..

Did your little fella enjoy his party? Bless him 💓

I hope your DS has still enjoyed his party. I'm sorry you have so many rude parents in his class. They were rude to not reply in the first place.

Splitting hairs perhaps but I think your poll maybe didn't really clarify matters. I would have worded it "x will/will not be coming to Fred's party on y date at z soft play" rather than "can attend"

That’s absolutely shit. I hate the way kids friendships depend on adult popularity these days. I would never just not turn up to a child’s special birthday party. People are shit. I’d want to write in tne group chat “Only 4 children turned up to DS’s birthday party today.. absolutely gutted.” But that’s probably not the “right” thing to do for the popularity contest.

That would be heartbreaking. Don’t assume it’s parent cliques though. Did you send a reminder message/looking forward to seeing you/not too late for final rsvps?

People forget otherwise.

I'm really sorry for you and your son. I'd have been really saddened if it was my boy. The only thing I'd add is not to assume it was intentional from all families. I'm not saying it's not still shit but every weekend has been one or two reception parties and it would be easy to get muddled with them.

I am so sorry your DS was upset my the lack of kids. I hope he gets over it quickly.

But what you are seeing in action is networking, not a popularity contest. And framing it as a popularity contest will hurt you in the long run. Networking takes time and effort, but it works. You need to work on that, not pretend this is parents being mean to you. That just isn’t what’s happening.

So unnecessarily nasty.
She's a hurt, upset mum.
Why do some posters have to be so nasty.

OP, say nothing. You have a long road ahead of you.
Better to take note and suit yourself.
They are a rude bunch unfortunately.
Your boy won't remember.
Be kind to yourself.

Personally I would refrain from writing anything like this is the group chat. If parents are inclined to be cliquey this will just further fan the flames as these types will relish this sort of thing. If it's just miscommunication then it's unnecessary drama.

I really hope we can get away from "whole class parties" - they are not needed at all, and just cause extra hassle, expense, issues etc.

4 people is absolutely fine for a party. If you asked your son who he plays with and who he wants there, I bet at that age he would give you around that number of names.

But instead of telling young kids that birthdays are about being around the people we care about, some parents (not you OP - I think you are a victim of this rather than the cause) turn the whole thing into a massive "look at me!" event, where their child must be the center of attention for 20 kids, and they must have the whole class witness how much of an amazing parent they are.

A kid at a soft play with 4 friends is a great birthday.

I always chased for replies if I hadn't heard. Later on we set up Whatsapp Groups just for the party so you could remind people as well.

Does everyone have WhatsApp that they actually use

Agreed, stop making excuses for other people's shitty behaviour.

The OP did nothing wrong. She invited people's children to a friggin nice birthday party at a great soft play, and people are so bloody discourteous that they either can't be bothered to reply or if they do confirm, they don't show up?!?!

And no, these adults do not think twice about a poor five year olds feelings, they really don't.

It's not op's fault. It's utterly shitty behaviour from a vast amount of people.

At least you've seen their true colours op.

Seriously????

Will/will not be

Can/cannot attend

Are we dealing with monkeys here?

This just isn't real life

Your son is not going to remember this at his age. Next year just concentrate on the people who did show up.

Maybe a personal invite on a card to each child would have helped make it kinda official.