Four kids tuned up

[Boymum776]

My son is in Reception, and he’s one of the youngest in the year. We invited his whole class to his birthday party through the class WhatsApp group. There are 30 children in the class. This year I’ve taken my son to pretty much every class party we’ve been invited to, or at least every one we were able to attend. I’ve made an effort to chat to the other parents too, even though a lot of them already know each other because their children all went to the same nursery.

Four children turned up to my son’s party. The venue had a minimum of 12 children, so I still had to pay for 12 places. It’s not even just about the money, it’s seeing your child so excited for their birthday and then watching hardly anyone come. I’m just so angry and disappointed. It honestly feels like a parent popularity contest rather than people thinking about the children. They’re only five years old. At this age, birthdays should be about making kids feel included and celebrated, not about who the parents already know. I feel like writing a bit fuck you in the class chat, obviously I won’t… but HOW do I get over the anger when I have to see these people 5 days a week!

No need for that when she’s already upset on behalf of her young son who had barely anyone attend his party because his mother isn’t in the ‘in crowd’.

Did your DS at least have fun? That’s the main thing at the end of the day.

Personally we don’t do and never will do a whole class party. It’s a pain in the arse. Cousins, kids from the street they play out with, my friend’s kids, and a couple from their class/ friends from clubs tends to be the best bet IMO. Generally if I’ve not had the kid for a play date I’m reluctant to invite them to a party.

It sucks though, I really do hope your son had a good time at least.

I generally send invites to each child, either paper or individual whatts app, and this generally gets direct replies and good attendance

Only once has a parent done a general invite, and then very few attended - we did, and suprised how few, despite this being a child of one of the 'nursery mums'.

Maybe try direct invites next time?

The party wasn't on the same day as an England match was it? My DDs school has a set of clicky mums but it doesn't seem to have impacted party attendance

What happened to sending invites into school with a phone number and rsvp instructions!

Do you not use your calendar? It’s literally on your phone!

Awww OP this sucks.

I had similar with my daughter , only her class had caught chicken pox and one by one on the morning of the party they began dropping out. I remembered it for years. She had forgotten about it by the end of the weekend.

The hurt will pass.

I am genuinely puzzled by people who can be that disorganised and that ALL the parents would be that bad.

Juggling siblings with their own party invitations, the kids clubs, sports, competitions etc, how could anyone manage weekends if they "forget" a party and still have to be available at such short notice.

How hard is it to write or type something in your calendar and be done with it?

Try not to let it show. Your son is only 5 and won’t remember in a few years (unless you make a big deal of it).

I’m confused how you invited people but if it’s normal for the class to do it via WhatsApp then ok. I’ve always sent actual paper invites and have always had to chase late responders to get a firm yes or no.
I would probably have texted the few who said yes but didn’t show an ‘are you coming’ text but understand if you were busy on the day! I don’t know if I could let this slide - I’d be tempted to say something like: ‘thank you to those who came to Jimmy’s party and sorry that those who had said yes decided not to come. Enjoy the summer everyone’! (I’d want to say more but I guess it would come off as sour grapes and not help the situation.)

So sorry this happened. It's hard when you feel school parents are being cliquey. Hopefully it was more around miscommunication than anything personal.

DC8 still has a lot of large or whole class parties and there's a good system that most parents follow in our class. It usually involves sending individual invites out to get RSVPs then following up with a WhatsApp group being set up closer to the time to confirm details.

In my day it was a paper invite and then a group WhatsApp with confirmed.
People are nightmares and don't confirm so it is awful not knowing

But that is sad. Hopefully he had a good time and lesson learnt. Either stick to small or do experiences.

Try and rise above their ignorance. Mine at that age always liked an invite regardless of who so it does soundike a clique

Maybe parents should stop the competitive all class parties snd parent politics

Have a small party for kids that are friends with the birthday child and realise although it is rude not to RSVP people have more in life than attending endless kids parties and keeping track of never ending invitations

@Boymum776

I'd message the no-shows immediately:
We were expecting X on Saturday after you accepted the birthday party invite. What happened?

The poster above has a good admin point.

Honestly that sucks and I have experienced similar throughout primary school. It beggars belief and is phenomenally rude and unkind. Try not to take it personally, keep going with play dates, it's not a popularity contest it's all about helping your son develop - so hard, I know.

It’s poor form by the parents. In Reception I think everyone should make an effort to help get to know each other as it makes life so much easier.

My DS is just finishing Reception and was in a similar situation to you in that around half the class went to the school nursery. DS went to a different one and knew no other children at school when he started there. We also didn’t know any of the parents.

It can be difficult to break into pre-existing groups so what DH and I did was to volunteer for everything we could and to turn up to every invite. We did things for the PTA, got involved in helping out at bonfire night, Christmas fare etc. It soon got our faces noticed and has made things much easier for us and DS. For future years you may want to try something similar.

There are 25 children in DS class and I don’t think there has been a party where fewer than 15 classmates have turned up. Most have around 20 with a small handful off ill or on hols. Only 1 child never turns up and also never had a party themselves which I think is a shame.

So sorry OP that is really sad.

I think the only reason people are questioning the method is because it is SO bizarre and unusual…
either you sent the invite too far in advance (how many weeks was it?) and everyone plain forgot OR is it possible your son is going around punching and biting all his classmates?!!
It is just strange, I don’t know why they would deliberately ostracise him…!

I agree with those people saying a Reminder always needs to be sent - usually giving some extra info like confirming the address, or whether parking is available, or they need to wear socks or asking for dietary requirements etc

The whole point in year r is they are actively in the process of making friends, thus the big parties....

I would definitely write to ask why people didn't come. Remind them it's about the kids and share how sad you are for your son. Make them look like the aholes they are. Honestly, it's shit like this that makes me glad I don't have kids, though would love to raise them one day. Couldn't cope with clique culture and shitty parents then later complaining a kid is bullying theirs.. erm.. maybe put more effort into widening access to a social network and support group for all the children and this shit won't happen. Absolute idiots. Maybe next time, take your kid to a place that's already busy with lots of children so he can play with them at least.

Good news is that at 5 years of age, your son won't care about 'numbers' and will have just been enjoying himself.

I wish everyone would stop going on about how she invited the kids. If her kid is the youngest in the class I am sure she did the invites the same way everyone is else did before her..

Respectfully, OP, this is on your lack of clear communication.

It is hard when you don't have much of a response to an invite. Last year we did a joint full class party with another child in the class. It was in the summer holidays but we needed numbers before we broke up for summer. We had had about 2 yes at this point and a handful of in person nos. Myself and one of the other mums were talking about it and whilst she couldn't come and had told us in person she said she could message on the group to get the invite at the front again. It did help and we got some more yes.
We sent it out again on the last Saturday before the end of term.
We had 12 rsvp and 11 turned up.

The day and time can have an impact on the uptake. Friday evening after the weekly newsletter or Saturday lunch time seems to work well for our group. Mid week and it can easily get lost or forgotten about before they have chance to check their diaries and make a note of the time and date.

I used to put “RSVP for details of the venue” - that worked.

Did he enjoy it, OP? Did he notice? Not snarky, genuinely asking, because we didn't do class parties so mine had to be (and were) happy with 4-5 attendees.

This is really sad.
The parents have been rude here, common decency to say yes and that means YES (not I'll think about it or maybe) or at least say thank you but we can’t come.

Learn from it and do something else for your boy next year.