Four kids tuned up

[Boymum776]

My son is in Reception, and he’s one of the youngest in the year. We invited his whole class to his birthday party through the class WhatsApp group. There are 30 children in the class. This year I’ve taken my son to pretty much every class party we’ve been invited to, or at least every one we were able to attend. I’ve made an effort to chat to the other parents too, even though a lot of them already know each other because their children all went to the same nursery.

Four children turned up to my son’s party. The venue had a minimum of 12 children, so I still had to pay for 12 places. It’s not even just about the money, it’s seeing your child so excited for their birthday and then watching hardly anyone come. I’m just so angry and disappointed. It honestly feels like a parent popularity contest rather than people thinking about the children. They’re only five years old. At this age, birthdays should be about making kids feel included and celebrated, not about who the parents already know. I feel like writing a bit fuck you in the class chat, obviously I won’t… but HOW do I get over the anger when I have to see these people 5 days a week!

Presumably a parent whose child went to the same nursery as another parent.

The nursery version of a “school mum/dad”

Not the way we were brought up.and not what I'd expect . If we were invited to a party and we didn't have anything important on, we went. I feel its the polite thing to do. And our kids did too.
When I see posts like this on here /fb my heart goes out to the kid. I hope your son had a great time anyway ( I think as parents we take it much harder).

I'm sorry that so few showed up. It's a really busy time of year. I would suggest having a party WhatsApp for those that reply to the invitation confirming the details and also sending a reminder the day before. In theory you shouldn't need to do this but it does add in accountability for their positive response plus reminds any who might forget.

Presumably it's parents who know each other from nursery

Didn’t you send a reminder the day or two days before?

You shouldn't need to send a reminder!

Well maybe we shouldn’t, but that’s life.

If the WhatsApp chat is anything like ours can be at times then a reminder would definitely help. Conversation can move fast....just yesterday we had people discussing whether they could send kids in PE kit today, someone actually asking about whether people received birthday invites and to check bags, another person asking when do we break up.
With all these posts going on it would be easy for someone to miss the party invite and poll and if they haven't put it in their calendar then it would be easy to miss (and considering how every half term/end of term we have someone asking the dates we finish/start back then it is clear that people don't put information into a diary or calendar!).

I have dozens of things to think about but I always note a party date down. Sounds like excuses to me.

Kind of glad I don't have WhatsApp school groups!

I would never invite the whole class. That just means parents think they don’t need to bother because the other 28 will. Your DS doesn’t know all these dc well, so be a lot more discerning.

Dont scattergun him to every party either. Go to parties of friends only. Cliques don’t need you and they are never a whole class. His friends will come from the non clique. So next year, work out who they are and just invite 10-12 who are more likely to come. He will have a better idea of who he likes too.

Don’t do an event everyone else has done either. They have seen it, done it and got the t shirt. Think of something different. We just took a few to a very special lunch out (DDs though and 9) and some friends did the cinema. We had a steam train ride one year and I did parties at home. Everyone seemed happy.

Well yeah me too, along with also noting back to school dates and end of term dates but based on the WhatsApp chat I am in it seems like we are the minority.

It sounds shit, especially with the other mum posting the following day and getting lots of responses. It is a popularity game I've found and its ridiculous.

Only suggestion I have for next time is send in paper invites to school that your kid hands out in person or ask school beforehand if the teacher will give them out - this will create some hype with the kids and so the kids will badger their parents and that same evening do a whats app post, "weve sent out party invites today, hope everyone can attend 🤗".

Then a week before another text "just double checking numbers for the party, trying to get organised, im sure you can all relate 🤪",

Then the day before "look forward to seeing everyone who can attend party tomorrow, happy to accept late rsvp's if youve been busy juggling life😅"

Thats how Ive handled it but thankfully think im just past the party stage of parenting. I always had decent attendance although was probs considered annoying or desperate, but I did it for my dcs.

Sorry for you and you ds the party worked out the way it did 💐

That's doesn't have to be true.

When we had whole class parties for the kids, i think at most 1 child declined and everyone else turned up. Same when my kids were invited.

"clique" usually design a group of people whose only crime is to be friends. It says more about people bitter about other friendship groups than anything else, you'd think adults would be less childish.

No one HAS to throw a class party, but they're an easy way to reciprocate all invits your kid ever received, and have smaller groups for other occasions.

@ZanyPoet We all arrive in yr and work out fairly quickly who doesn’t need further friends. The easy description is a clique. It’s pretty obvious it goes on and excludes others, often deliberately. Friendship doesn’t have to be unfriendly to others at the same time, but cliques often are. Hence the bad name.

It’s simply easier to try and get dc to have other friends, but it’s not always possible of course.

As for class parties - it’s a new thing in the middle class areas. We are in a very middle class area but when my dc were at school, no one had a class party. Most were smaller groups and held at home. A few went out but not a majority. Whole class parties are ludicrous in a way because dc don’t know everyone. They might not even like everyone. My DDs didn’t relish silly boys for example and they weren’t invited. It’s ok to invite who dc does like and control invitations. Had the op done this, it would probably have been a more successful event. I’d use good old fashioned personal invites too.

If I was added to a separate WhatsApp group every time one of my three DC were going to a party, I think I’d have been driven demented. Thankfully we are well past primary age 😆. Paper invites all the way.

it's puzzling why some people expect that everyone will fall over themselves to become friends with them and are miffed why it doesn't happen.

It's not a "clique" when people naturally get on better with some than others, or when they get closer because they are neighbours, or they go to the same gym, or kids go to the same clubs. It's not unfriendly to speak with your friends!

Whole class parties are ludicrous in a way because dc don’t know everyone.
that's weird. My kids might not be best friends with everyone, and I wouldn't invite the class bully, but they do know every kid that are in their class! And quickly most kids from the other classes in the same years, through playtime etc.

It’s ok to invite who dc does like and control invitations.
Of course, no one said class parties were mandatory. I just said that they're not always a reason for drama, or clique and around me they are always very well attended, pretty much everyone turns up when they are little.

I think some people like to over-complicate everything for the sake of it.

Whole class party? invite on the whatsapp group
reminder for the RSVP if you need the day before the deadline
but then you just private message those you need to chase if you haven't heard, you have their contact details from the group anyway.

Such a non-issue.

My kids might not be best friends with everyone, and I wouldn't invite the class bully, but they do know every kid that are in their class! And quickly most kids from the other classes in the same years, through playtime etc.

Oh god, don't @ZanyPoet - probably wrong thread for this given the topic but we had a three form entry and my DS invited 50 kids to his party because they mix with so many kids.

This is why after last yr, my son didn't want any more parties. I felt really bad as he didnt want to do anything for his 13th as he said he wasn't sure anyone would come, So we just did stuff he liked as a family. Its frustrating as he is in a group pf abut 5 or 6 at school

I honestly think some of this is the consequence of the "digital" age. But I am very old, so ready to be shot down in flames. Back in the day the children themselves would've received a proper party invitation (something colourful with maybe a Disney character on it, and the invitee's name hand written). That way the kids themselves felt very special and wouldn't let their parents forget they were going to a party! If they were very young kids, the invitation might be followed up by a phone call to the parent (as in, actually speaking to someone).

We do it the other way round. So all the parents on WhatsApp first, then send paper invites nearer the time. That way only the kids that can come get invites, so it reduces disappointment, but they still get the excitement of a paper invite.

@ginasevern It is! Not leaving out anyone due to all parents being on WhatsApp is the big issue. An invitation handed out at the school gate means you choose friends. You don’t have flaky dc or dc yours doesn’t even like!

Did you actually send invitations,with time and date?
And did they accept?
If so the parents are exceptionally rude. What surprises me is so many downright mums in one vroup.
So possibly there has been a miscommunication. A poll id not an invite. It is a preliminary enquiry.
And even if invitations are sent the RSVPs need to be followed up.
But so sad for your child. Very distrssing .

All questions which have been asked and ignored and now OP has disappeared. Not the world’s best communicator, it seems.