Four kids tuned up

[Boymum776]

My son is in Reception, and he’s one of the youngest in the year. We invited his whole class to his birthday party through the class WhatsApp group. There are 30 children in the class. This year I’ve taken my son to pretty much every class party we’ve been invited to, or at least every one we were able to attend. I’ve made an effort to chat to the other parents too, even though a lot of them already know each other because their children all went to the same nursery.

Four children turned up to my son’s party. The venue had a minimum of 12 children, so I still had to pay for 12 places. It’s not even just about the money, it’s seeing your child so excited for their birthday and then watching hardly anyone come. I’m just so angry and disappointed. It honestly feels like a parent popularity contest rather than people thinking about the children. They’re only five years old. At this age, birthdays should be about making kids feel included and celebrated, not about who the parents already know. I feel like writing a bit fuck you in the class chat, obviously I won’t… but HOW do I get over the anger when I have to see these people 5 days a week!

Next time no polls.
Invitation and a firm RSVP.

@arethereanyleftatall I don’t agree sorry. It’s not how it’s gone in my class Whatsapp at least. There has never been a seperate party chat created unless it hasn’t been a whole class party. Admin nightmare otherwise.

OP I feel for you and your ds. Best thing to do is have gratitude for all that he does have. He has a loving mum, happy home etc and put this down to an event that did not go as planned. maybe ask his closest friend out for the day soon and spoilt them rotten. Its behind you now so try and forget about it and use this as example to show you son resilience. You sound like such a lovely mum. Don't give yourself a hard time.

@Justbreathagain Thank you ❤️

This is what’s gone wrong. You just didn’t follow up properly.
Just remember for next time.

That’s so horrible. I would be tempted to say on the group chat - thanks for hardly anyone bothering to show up, well done for upsetting a 5 year old !

Oh OP, I’d be gutted too.

People are so flaky and non-committal these days.

Sorry it’s turned out like this op. You’ve been unlucky.

We do also have the cliques from the nursery attached to the school but my friend from my different nursery was still fine with getting responses. She actually did paper invites.

When i did invites for DC’s nursery party, i also did proper follow ups if i already had their numbers including ones that hadn’t replied.

I agree with PPs that this has partly gone wrong because of the poll.

People seem to be missing the part about all the eager replies to the other parent. If op had sent invites out too then there really isn’t an excuse. The WhatsApp poll is a presumably a follow up from the invitation? And if they can respond enthusiastically to one parent then why not another? The whole thing reeks of cliqueyness and I’d judge them all massively.

Wow that's brutal. My son isn't in school yet but I'm already dreading the WhatsApp group nightmares I've heard about. It's such a shame the other mums have a clique that extends to excluding children, too. I wouldn't bother putting anything in the chat as you'll either get no responses or people will make half-hearted excuses, both of which I'd find infuriating. You haven't done anything wrong, and I agree with another PP about maybe taking your son and his closest friend for a really fun day out.

of course it's very upsetting for your child, and it's not on.

You are however not doing a favour to anyone when your child attends a birthday party. I see them as a treat for my own kids, and I am grateful they are invited, its a couple of hours of entertainment. You are being unreasonable to expect people to be grateful your child went.

Too many people have no manners, I agree, but if you don't have a firm RSVP stating yes, I wouldn't assume they are coming. You are better off chasing firm answers than putting a poll.

Answering a poll is not saying "yes we are attending"
how many people actually REPLIED to your invitation directly? That's the only thing that matters.

A soft play for 12 children is a very reasonable party, it is sad only 4 turned up but don't let it put you off.

I know communities are probably all different but I think you did the invite etiquette wrong. If I had responded to a poll in a general group I would then expect a follow up either personally or in a party specific WhatsApp group, e.g. "Glad X is coming. Here are the details..." then a reminder a week before.

Oh this is not okay behaviour. I'm sorry this happened. Some people are incredibly rude.

FWIW when my kids were having parties in primary school, my method was this - I copied and pasted a birthday invitation and sent it individually to every parent. Some never bothered replying so I sent a follow up one saying I had to confirm numbers for the venue.

Once I had received replies from everyone, I created a whatsapp birthday group and added all those who had said yes. I used this group to send reminders, send consent forms for the activity, and later to say thank you for the gifts.

It sounds like overkill but most people did it that way. I think you have to do a lot more chasing and follow ups when hosting a kid's party than just a poll.

If the OP communicated about the party the way they have here, I’m not surprised nobody understood what was going on.

Multiple posts and it’s still not clear if they sent actual invitations or vague messages and then a weird poll. It’s entirely possible nobody realised they were invited to anything!

@eggontoast78 Yes thank you. I really think people are missing the mark (and wanting to blame me for some reason) It had nothing to do with the way I invited them, most do the invite only not even a poll. I only had to do that because hardly anyone responded to the invite! Should of been my first warning…

They’re only five years old. At this age, birthdays should be about making kids feel included and celebrated, not about who the parents already know.

I also disagree. it's not about including or excluding, but it makes sense to spend more time with adults you are friends with or are becoming friends with, than with people you don't know.

Kids will naturally become more friends with some people because you do spend more time together, but that's true for everyone, why should it be suddenly different because you have children

She sent out invites (which should be enough anyway) then did a poll as a follow up.

Oh, I thought this was going to be about a youth string quartet.

Gosh no, this is the worst thing you could do.

This is really bad so sorry for your son and you.

Next year you won't have to invite the whole class. He can invite 2 or 3 friends and do something really nice with them.

Hope those no show parents feel suitably ashamed of themselves.

X

I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong here - if you had just sent the poll on its own that would have been confusing, but you had already sent the invitation, presumably with all the details, so I would have taken that as a firm RSVP. The ones who didn’t show up are incredibly rude.

I hope your DS had an amazing birthday anyway ❤️

@ZanyPoet Thank you for your entirely irrelevant lengthy posts.

You are not being "blamed", people are just explaining that if you didn't get a firm "yes", it meant people were not coming, and most of us wouldn't have paid much attention to a poll, one way or another.

It's infuriating when people are so rude they don't RSVP and you have to chase, or worst cancel at the last minute because they have a better offer, without a doubt.
In your case, I am not clear how many people actually told you explicitly "yes, little Sam is coming"

I don't like rudeness, and never invited again someone who didn't reply to an invitation, so I am not saying the other parents are right but it's all a bit confusing.

Ok, I start to see what the problem might be 😂

I'm.a bit confused about folks saying they'd create a separate party WhatsApp group. I'm in enough WhatsApp groups. I don't want to be in more!

It sounds like you need to be a bit more proactive in chasing RSVPs and clarifying arrangements. The way in works in our class WhatsApp is that parents post the invites for about 6-8 weeks beforehand and people check their calendar to see if they're free and say if they're coming. We all then completely forget the date and all the arrangements until the parents post again the week or two before asking to confirm numbers. Then we all forget again so they send another reminder a few days before the party with final arrangements. Nobody intentionally forgets but we all do!