Four kids tuned up

[Boymum776]

My son is in Reception, and he’s one of the youngest in the year. We invited his whole class to his birthday party through the class WhatsApp group. There are 30 children in the class. This year I’ve taken my son to pretty much every class party we’ve been invited to, or at least every one we were able to attend. I’ve made an effort to chat to the other parents too, even though a lot of them already know each other because their children all went to the same nursery.

Four children turned up to my son’s party. The venue had a minimum of 12 children, so I still had to pay for 12 places. It’s not even just about the money, it’s seeing your child so excited for their birthday and then watching hardly anyone come. I’m just so angry and disappointed. It honestly feels like a parent popularity contest rather than people thinking about the children. They’re only five years old. At this age, birthdays should be about making kids feel included and celebrated, not about who the parents already know. I feel like writing a bit fuck you in the class chat, obviously I won’t… but HOW do I get over the anger when I have to see these people 5 days a week!

Which of the parents actually replied and confirmed they’d be coming?

Ah this is so heartbreaking, but had they RSvP’d and despite that didn’t turn up? If you hadn’t received RSVPs no answer sadly nowadays means no (though worth a final chase “I need to finalise numbers, please can you confirm whether or not you are coming on x date to y’s party.) and it’s a good idea to scale down the plan or reschedule.

Also I always send a reminder, sometimes two (a week before and a day before.) People are so busy these days they really need reminders.

That’s awful Op, terrible if any had rsvp’d. Did you ask for rsvp’s? I’ve found after reception very few do whole class parties so next year your DS can just invite exactly who he wants and stuff the others.

Did people rsvp and then not turn up, or didn't they rsvp?

I think you've been unlucky tbh. Most dc love a party, whoever hosts it. Was the time or location somewhere that might have put people off? Any chance your party might have accidentally clashed with a different party?

Surely people RSVP’d? You can’t assume people are coming if they don’t say they are, surely?

But how many responded that they were coming on the WhatsApp invite?

12 did say they could make it, (I did a poll) because not many really responded to the invite. I continued with the party because with cousins 12 would have been fine.

Another mum sent an invite a day after mine for her child’s party (different month to my sons) and was instantly inundated with responses ‘X would love to come!’ (She is one of the nursery mums.) Just stark contrast.

I understand these parents are closer I really do, but I just feel so terrible for my son and like I’ve let him down but not being ‘popular’ enough amongst the parents.

I really do understand why people are looking for other reasons, believe me so did I initially… but the party was a local soft play that has hosted loads of the kids parties this year. No clash, or certainly not a whole class one. I genuinely think it was over looked because I’m not in the group.

Very shitty behaviour on the part of the parents, if someone has shown up to your child’s party with a present you need a very good reason not to bring your child to their party. You didn’t mention rsvp’s, how many confirmed they were coming?

Aww that is sad. As a parent of a reception child myself we’ve done the same and gone to every party even though I can’t be bothered sometimes. I’m not particularly close to many of the other mums and there is cliques because they have older kids but I just show up and make awkward conversation for 2 hours. Try not to let it get to you and just focus on the children he is friends with. I find my son only really talks about 3-4 other children on a daily basis. I’m sure your son had a great time anyway and he’s lucky to have a mum like you who gave him a party and cares

I would take a poll as someone canvassing the date rather than me giving a firm RSVP.

12 said they'd come and only 4 came?

That's awful, your poor son. I hope he had a nice party anyway.

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Did you send proper WhatsApp invites and receive actual RSVPs or did you just do a poll?

I agree, to be on the safe side, if there's a next time, anyone who rsvps with dietary requirements etc goes on the yes list, any non-responders are just a no. And a couple of reminders on the group. (I'm not sure a poll would have the same expression of commitment on their side, especially without dietary requirements, allergy info etc.)

It's a real pity the other parents are so cliquey, that must be tough. I hope your son managed to have fun regardless.

Did you then make a party WhatsApp group to confirm details/send reminder?

I think you’ve dropped the ball here actually.

I don’t think there was a proper RSVP there. Maybe try that next time.

Your poll needed to be followed up by either a WhatsApp group with details and/or proper invites with a formal RSVP.

I'd have assumed you have gone ahead with the party if you only did the poll and I heard nothing further.

Thats really upsetting op. And while I guess you could have followed up in the group and asked for definite RSVPs I think it’s fairly obvious by the gushing replies to the other parent that it is a bit of a popularity contest between the parents. It doesn’t say anything about you or your son, it just shows that pathetic cliques exist in all walks of life.

Im sure you still made it special for your son. I would keep it civil with the other parents because you have many more years of having to see them daily but inside I’d have their card marked. Really poor behaviour if they’ve not attended just because they view it as less worthy of going to. Especially when you’ve been to theirs.

op - was this the end of the communication? If it was, I wouldn’t have necessarily assumed it was going ahead. I might have said ‘yes, I can attend’ meaning ‘my diary is currently free’ but I would have expected a follow up ‘great, looking forward to seeing Fred at 3pm’

I would have made a separate WhatsApp with the 12 with confirmed details.,

I’ve never seen a poll for a birthday invite. I would at least expect a follow up invitation after otherwise I’d think the party wasn’t going ahead.

I sent the invite and then a follow up poll a week later. To be honest I already felt like I was being annoying so I didn’t put anymore pressure on for confirmation and just assumed if 12 had put yes we can attend and knew the date and time they would just show up. If I say yes to a party the date and time goes in the diary and that’s it.

Ah, that sucks. I remember it happening to a little girl in DS class, only two children turned up, it was a house party.
I hope that he had a good time anyway.

Yours just wasn’t very clear I’m afraid op.
‘fred is invited to Bob party at 2pm Saturday’ is an invite.
a poll to say ‘can you attend bobs party at 2pm Saturday’ doesn’t actually mean it’s going ahead.