To un-invite friend from dinner after she sent me message by mistake

[Dinnertext]

I’m a long time lurker but have pulled on my big girl pants for my first ever post in AIBU!

We are hosting my friend and her husband on Saturday for dinner. We’ve hosted them before and they’ve always been good company and said they’d enjoyed the food.

We were texting earlier about something unrelated - she clearly had another conversation on the go as she sent a reply which was of no relevance to our conversation.

Her message said:
I can’t do Saturday I am afraid. At (my name)’s for dinner again. That reminds me to stock up on the Pepto for the next morning 😂

Would it be wrong of me to rescind the invite? We go to a lot of effort to host them and feel this is frankly insulting.

She's not your friend. She turns her nose up at the places you shop and is comfortable taking the piss out of you behind your back. So comfortable, that she doesn't really see that she's done anything wrong.

As she's included her husband in the bad belly story, he can get to fuck as well. They can bugger off elsewhere to watch the football.

I'd be wondering what else she has been saying to other people tbh.

Sweet suffering Jesus

Has the other DH seen what was said and the fact it was clearly part of a larger conversation? It was so incredibly rude that both husbands should know an apology at the very least is needed. If I’d done something like that I would’ve said ‘I’m so sorry, I’m mortified. I had a bad stomach last time but that is no excuse and I’m sure it wasn’t the food’

the fact she is questioning where you shop… she isn’t a friend with a foot in her mouth, she’s a CF

@Dinnertext

"I’ve replied telling her I feel hurt by her comments and that she hasn’t apologised to me and for that I am not willing to go ahead with the plans"

Is your husband generally unsupportive @Dinnertext ?

It seems that he is being totally dismissive of the depth of your hurt that her comments and subsequent non-apology have caused.

If he does insist Saturday goes ahead, including the wife, he is basically invalidating your feelings and is in fact complicit in her disrespectful behaviour, does he not see that?

It would be useful for you and your husband to reach a consensus wrt Saturday that most definitely does not include the wife stepping over your threshold, ever again imho.

Oh Dear are you annoyed 🤣🤣

Yep.

For me it wouldn’t so much be about the fact that she’d been ill the last time. If I ate somewhere and was ill after I probably wouldn’t mention it so as to not upset the friend. But where she went wrong was that she then bitched about you to someone else.

If you’re not going to mention being ill to the person, then you mention it to no-one,, that way it’s just one of those things which happens.

Also if it was a one off then I wouldn’t have thought the assumption for next time would be relevant, but if she’s been round a lot then clearly this is her view.

It would be friendship over for me, or at least she’d be kept at arm’s length.

The DH hasn’t done anything wrong IMO, he’s not got involved, either in the bitching as far as we’re aware, or in the discussion between the OP and his wife. Maybe he was ill and just put it down to bad luck so has no need to take account or say anything or whatever.

It’s still possible to end a friendship with the wife without the DH’s friendship being affected.

I’d let them carry on and would just phase her out.

Ah so you are doing it deliberately. I did wonder if so many people could really be that thick. Thanks for letting us know.

Ok I hadn’t read all posts but you really need to take a chill pill.🤣🤣

I voted yabu because it sounds like she just meant she'll over indulge

She hasn’t really helped herself with the reply… and it was a perfect opportunity for her to minimise the fallout.

I would remain cautious now but accept their offer of bringing takeaway. See how the evening pans out.

but I doubt I would cook for them again in regard to the shop supply comment, and DH would be getting stern words from me if he expects the status quo to return.

Yes he has, I know for a fact as DH showed me a message exchange earlier (as I said I didn’t believe him when he told me that he’s been clear my friend isn’t welcome). They are both fairly shrugged shoulders about it - ‘usual female drama’ was what my friend’s Husband said.

"Sweet suffering Jesus" is a jokey way of saying FFS what are you all like?
It's not what I say when actually angry. I'd have thought that was obvious even to non (ex) catholics. Though why I thought someone who couldn't read a thread would be quick witted enough to get that I don't know. Mea culpa/My bad, clearly 😚

I would add her and her partner into a group chat and send "X, to clarify, you are not welcome in my home after you were so rude to me. X's DH you can come as my DH has invited you, but I will not be hanging out with you so just bring a takeaway for two.
"I'm astounded you both think this snobby rudeness was acceptable, and I no longer wish to socialise with either of you."

Then read your DH the riot act and tell him if he lets her into the house turn he is the one creating drama and there will be trouble.

I would be furious if my DH did this!

He is generally a good, caring Husband. But he is dismissive about this and my feelings. All he seems to care about is watching the football with his friend on Saturday and nothing coming between that - he has said he won’t be missing a World Cup semi final for a petty fall out.

Oh look! There's another one!

@CustardySergeant Comprehension - Nil

Does he know how hurt and upset you are by all this? It's very minimising to just say it's "female drama" and carry on as if nothing has changed for him, you should be a team. I would ask him, out of respect, to go and watch the football somewhere else with his friend if he feels he has to watch it with him, it doesn't have to be on your TV when there are plenty of pubs open for exactly that purpose. I'm so glad you're standing strong on this, good for you. xx

It's the quarter final isn't it?
(Missing the point I know)

I think it's great how you've stood up for yourself - well done. I would've found that really difficult

i hope the non-friend RTFT
also i hope she reads alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll of this and she sounds like a bloody nightmare

i would want to be a pain in the arse and cease all communication with her and let her stew until, during and after saturday. (seeing as she can probably only eat stew because of her dodgy inner workings) then she knows that you're miles away (emotionally) and not giving a shit about her and her dicky bowels.

she is mean and horrible and she's also fcuked up royally

Is DH insisting that they come over to watch the football?

And that she was mocking your food to another person. For me that would be the most offensive thing so she is not as polite as she think she is just because she avoided telling you this.

This sounds to me like she's planning on eating a lot, in other words, loves your food! Far from being a dig at you, I think this may be a compliment.

AAAAAAAAAAARGGGGHGHHHH!!!!!!!!

I’m fully on your side about not wanting to host, wanting an apology at least and being incredibly pissed off. I’d want some space myself before deciding whether I wanted to move on and continue the friendship. It was a nasty, spiteful comment made behind your back (how many others has she made over the years?!).

IMHO - if the husbands want to watch the football together it would surely be best if they find a neutral venue. Loads of pubs, community centres, social clubs, gyms etc are showing it and they’ve got time to get tickets. A quick google should tell him the places (or ask ChatGPT). Because it’s the World Cup and a big deal to footie fans I can understand wanting to watch with a friend - I just don’t think either of their houses would be a good idea.