To call off girl’s holiday on the day?

[whereismyhisband]

I’m due to go on a girl’s holiday for a week with a friend, an all inclusive to Cape Verde.

This friend had warned me that she’s somewhat of an anxious traveller, but that it would be fine.

Our flight is at 4:45pm. Our airline has said be there a maximum of three hours early.

The airport is half an hour from my house and my job is 15 minutes in the other direction from my job.

I am working until 12, so that I only needed to take a half day of leave.

She has been texting me since 6am asking if I’m sure I want to work today, and asking if we should leave for the airport at 10! I can’t deal with this today, I have a lot to do before I finish at work and don’t see the need for it. I’ve never traveled with her before and to be honest if I’d known she was like this I’d not have booked it. AIBU to just not go?

Nah, I'm with you OP. Holidays are meant to be enjoyable and fortifying, time out from life and work stress. Why did she even plan this trip if she finds it this stressful? And where is her concern and respect for your precious time and freedom to do things your way? You are both independent adults.

I understand the urge to bail but I wouldn't take that approach just yet. Depending on your relationship and how you interact with her, tell her you will see her at the airport and won't be responding to messages while you are at work. Then take it from there. Maybe things will level out, maybe not. I would rethink travelling anywhere with her again, but if you enjoy time together then perhaps a different option in future might be to travel separately - I do this frequently when getting to and from destinations to meet people. I love the time to relax and reflect and just take the journey in. Life is too short to spend it pandering to daft behaviour. A direct and honest conversation about expectations needs to be had at some point.

I’ve had nearly 100 messages off her this morning

Yeah, anxiety or not, this is ridiculous. Stop engaging. State clearly, if you haven't already, that you will be ready to leave at X time and will see her then, and ignore any further messages until that time.

Waiting to leave for the airport is the worst for travel anxious people. She will be fine. Dont cancel

I’d happily go alone, she’s an adult and should feel comfortable to do the same

Uh… she’s travelled lots…

Questioning the legitimacy of this thread tbh.

You sound like a horrible friend OP. Have some empathy for your friends anxiety. I hope she sees this.

Well lose the 800 quid then and your 'friend' will lose a truly unempathetic travel companion and hopefully have a better time without you!

Honestly, what an overreaction!

Yeah you should cancel.

🤷‍♀️

Your poor friend.

Id also kindly suggest that you have a think about what’s really going on for you as your reactions aren’t healthy / typical

Definitely you should cancel this fantasy trip

I understand the need to be kind, but I think sometimes people don't understand the effect on the person having to deal with someone else's anxiety. I have had to step back from a very anxious friend because I just could not cope with the messages and phonecalls repeating the same unnecessary questions again and again, when I've already answered them again and again. There's only so many times I can respond with patience and logic when I'm trying to get on with my life! Constantly pandering to her was becoming too time consuming and disruptive and I don't feel bad about stepping back. I feel much more relaxed without her in my life. There was a time when people understood the need to remove oneself from a friendship that has become problematic but now it's all about being understanding and supporting the anxious person. That's great. Who's understanding and supporting the person at the end of their tether actually dealing with them on a daily basis?

You're being ridiculous

I have travel anxiety myself/fear of flying so have never been anywhere alone - only with work or family. its taken a huge amount from me to do the trips away that i have. If one of my friends agreed to go with me and checked out last minute, that would be the end of the friendship. You actually sound awful - she's explained her fears in advance, if you have no compassion, then you have no friendship.

I think you are looking for an excuse to cancel and you don’t seem to like or care about your anxious ‘friend.’

If you’re so chilled about everything why not make your own decision instead of trying to persuade strangers here give you permission?

I think this absolutely will happen. The issue won't be fixed when you get to the destination because she'll be in a state about flying back.

I hate flying. So I don't fly any more. If she wants to go on this holiday she needs to deal with her anxiety herself and not impose it on you.

I couldn’t deal with that either OP. I avoid anxious travellers and people in general as it sucks the joy out of life. That said, it would be a shame to miss out on the holiday. I’d be direct with her but also maybe empower her by giving a choice- you can meet her at the airport at X time or pick her up at Y time to travel together. That’s it. Then maybe establish a plan for the return journey before the holiday stars so he doesn’t start fret about that on day 2…

good luck!

Whats your worst fear, OP? Imagine in 4 hours you have to get in a car with a dozen spiders, you don't know where the spiders will be, you just know they are there. They could drop on your head. They could creep up your leg. You've got to get in that car and be in that car for 30 minutes.

Your worst fear may not be spiders, it's an example of how your brain would function in your worst imaginable situation and how you could control that fear. Be a little kinder, for goodness sake. You refer to yourself as an adult but you have seriously childish emotions.

I think this must be a wind up. Surely no-one can be this unpleasant and lacking in empathy.

A dear friend of mine whom I travel with occasionally has a similar level of anxiety about a specific aspect of travel. It is clearly wildly disproportionate, but I love her, care about her and enjoy her company very much, and consider it my privilege to support her and make it as stress-free as possible.

Hysterical panic? You're the one who's threatening to cancel the holiday! Just tell her you'll meet her where you've arranged and leave it at that.

I thought this thread was going to be about food poisoning 😂

Message her to say find some deep breathing exercises to do, everything will be fine and that you won't be able to answer your phone at work. Then take a deep breath yourself. And buy her a box of Kalms at the airport... I took about 10 on a flight to NYC and was totally zen

Also - just to say - £800 for peace of mind is totally worth it if that's what it comes to. Not only will you potentially avoid a week's worth of stress and tension, but no doubt save a lot of money that you might spend while away. Don't fall for the sunk coat fallacy!

But it is the nuclear option. How do you think she would react if you said you were considering pulling out?

You sound incredibly unsympathetic and not very nice to be honest. If it’s annoying you so much just turn your phone off or tell her you’re busy.
My mum was like this and yes it’s a bit grating but travel anxiety is a very real thing for some people. Don’t dismiss it even if you can’t understand it.
Cancelling the holiday is a ridiculous overreaction.

So far, I'm with you OP. Reassurance doesn't help someone struggling in the way that she does. Sending 100 texts isn't OK. She's making her anxiety your responsibility to manage, and in the long run this won't help her and it will ruin the friendship.

I like a pp's idea of meeting at the gate. In your shoes, I would message her to say you've got a busy day and will next be in contact with her once you've got to the gate.

Also using the word ‘hysteria’ to describe anxiety makes you sound like a twat.