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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call off girl’s holiday on the day?

805 replies

whereismyhisband · Yesterday 08:38

I’m due to go on a girl’s holiday for a week with a friend, an all inclusive to Cape Verde.

This friend had warned me that she’s somewhat of an anxious traveller, but that it would be fine.

Our flight is at 4:45pm. Our airline has said be there a maximum of three hours early.

The airport is half an hour from my house and my job is 15 minutes in the other direction from my job.

I am working until 12, so that I only needed to take a half day of leave.

She has been texting me since 6am asking if I’m sure I want to work today, and asking if we should leave for the airport at 10! I can’t deal with this today, I have a lot to do before I finish at work and don’t see the need for it. I’ve never traveled with her before and to be honest if I’d known she was like this I’d not have booked it. AIBU to just not go?

OP posts:
cestlavielife · Yesterday 08:56

She can get to airport early and meet you there.
Taxi will get her there

GimmieABreakOr3 · Yesterday 08:56

whereismyhisband · Yesterday 08:54

I’ve had nearly 100 messages off her this morning. Fretting about bag drop closing, about us getting stuck in queues, it’s like she’s never been to the airport before

Show quote history

Tbf travelling is stressful and there’s a lot to think about. It sounds like you’re an experienced flyer, is she? When was the last time she travelled?

Original poster
whereismyhisband · Yesterday 08:56

Tillow4ever · Yesterday 08:54

Are you sure it’s a maximum of 3 hours before? I thought it was usually a minimum of 3 hours before…

Your timings look fine in principal, but I can see why she’s worried - she doesn’t travel as much as you, so obviously would just feel better getting to the airport early so no issues with delays etc.

Will you finish on time at 12? You say you’re 15 mins from home, any chance of delays to you getting home? Are your bags ready so it’s literally finish work, jump in the car, be home by 12:30pm, load your bags into the car and leave immediately? Or do you still need to pack etc when you get home?

You clearly don’t have financial issues or you wouldn’t be considering losing that sort of money because you can’t be arsed to go anymore - maybe your friend can’t afford to risk missing the flight for any reason at all.

You are clearly two different people in your approaches - she would rather be there too early because then she can relax. You sound like the sort that they’ll be calling your name to get your arse on the plane. That attitude is likely to stress your friend even further.

Try to reassure her - if you have to travel together, maybe agree to leave a little earlier if you can but explain you can’t change your work plans at this short notice (she should have said something when you guys were planning). If you’re travelling separately, tell her you’ll meet her at the airport and you won’t be offended by her getting there early.

Christ alive, more hysteria! My bags are in my car, all I need to do is get home, quick shower, in the car. I’ll be at the airport by 1, which is already stupidly early.

OP posts:
Howyoudoings · Yesterday 08:56

How do you treat your enemies if this is how you treat them a friends.
Just say you will meet her there, you seem to be the one making a huge deal if I’m honest

MyArtfulGreySloth · Yesterday 08:57

You are used to it, have some empathy for those who aren’t and get anxious! You don’t sound like a very nice friend tbh.

MrSchubertWhiskers · Yesterday 08:57

Honestly, op, you're being unkind.

I used to get super anxious about airports when I hadn't travelled much. They're large places and intimidating if unused to them - worries about being late, accidentally taking something through security you shouldn't, mislaying your passport.

Granted, 6 hours early is extreme. Just tell her she'll be sat in the entrance for 3 hours because she won't be able to check in that early. Tell her you'll meet her there at the agreed time.

And try to be nice.

HeBeaverandSheBeaver · Yesterday 08:57

My dd can’t even get in a car to get away in the uk. You sound like a really nasty person tbh and i Feel really
sorry for your friend. If you do this your friendship will be over. Who does that unless there is a really valid reason like severe
illness or death of a family member.

once she gets there I’m sure she will be ok. But I hate airports too and flying isn’t my fave thing either.

Goditsmemargaret · Yesterday 08:57

I have my airport travel schedule nailed down OP so I'd find this annoying too. It's unlikely you're going to be compatible travel partners given you're mismatched already.

But the outcome there is that you don't book another holiday not cancel on the day FFS. That would not just make you unreasonable but a total dickhead frankly.

Ineedanewsofa · Yesterday 08:57

whereismyhisband · Yesterday 08:54

I’ve had nearly 100 messages off her this morning. Fretting about bag drop closing, about us getting stuck in queues, it’s like she’s never been to the airport before

Show quote history

If you’re flying from Birmingham then stuck in queues is still a very real problem unfortunately, she’s probably been reading the horror stories!
You’re being really mean though, just tell her you’ll meet her in the lounge and you won’t be able to text her back until you finish work

WhatAMarvelousTune · Yesterday 08:58

This is a woman you presumably know quite well, and quite like? Since you’ve booked a holiday just the two of you that presumably you think you’ll enjoy?

Cancelling over a bit of airport panic from her is more of an overreaction than her wanting to get there early! Just don’t book another holiday with her if you find it all too much.

Original poster
whereismyhisband · Yesterday 08:58

MyArtfulGreySloth · Yesterday 08:57

You are used to it, have some empathy for those who aren’t and get anxious! You don’t sound like a very nice friend tbh.

I don’t have empathy for stuff like this, it’s not hard!

OP posts:
Leavesandthings · Yesterday 08:58

Lomonald · Yesterday 08:43

Don't be silly just ignore her say you will speak to her later, and go on your holiday, she is spiralling don't give her fuel she knows the arrangements she will just have to stick to them.

Agree with this, say you are in meetings until then.
I was in this situation once with an ex. We were sitting around Luton airport for four hours or something. It was fecking ridiculous.

gotmyselfintoapickle · Yesterday 08:59

It would be a massive overreaction to cancel.

Tell her to make her own way to the airport for 10am if she prefers and you can meet her there.

Tell her if you wants to go with you, you will be leaving at X time and then do not engage further.

I'd be irritated too but I assume she will be fine once you are there. As a back up...do you have any valium?

Lougle · Yesterday 08:59

whereismyhisband · Yesterday 08:54

I’ve had nearly 100 messages off her this morning. Fretting about bag drop closing, about us getting stuck in queues, it’s like she’s never been to the airport before

Show quote history

Just tell her that it will all be fine, you're heading into work so need your phone on silent, and you'll see her at 1pm (or whatever time you're meeting).

Error404FucksNotFound · Yesterday 08:59

Just tell her to meet you there. If she wants to be there 6 hours early, that's up to her.

Poppingby · Yesterday 08:59

Being grumpy about it isn't going to help the holiday be any better...

Jellycatspyjamas · Yesterday 08:59

whereismyhisband · Yesterday 08:58

I don’t have empathy for stuff like this, it’s not hard!

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It’s not hard for you, it’s very difficult for others and impossible for some. If you’re also an adult you must know that different people find things difficult.

Lifealwaysgetsbetter · Yesterday 09:00

whereismyhisband · Yesterday 08:45

I don’t think it’s unfair. She’s a fully grown adult and wants to get to the airport nearly 6 hours early.

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bag drop doesn’t open until 3 hours before.. I never have more than 2 hours in an airport and you live close.. tell her this and that you’ll meet her there!

Nighttimenoise · Yesterday 09:00

This has to be a wind up

GimmieABreakOr3 · Yesterday 09:00

You don’t sound as though you have any empathy whatsoever……..

youngwhippersnapper · Yesterday 09:00

You sound deeply unpleasant.

honeylulu · Yesterday 09:01

Just tell her she can go to the airport as soon as she likes. You'll meet her there at x time. If she wants to do bag drop and go through security before you arrive, that's fine if it will help her feel better. You're starting work now and turning off your phone until midday.

My adult son gets like this at airports and it drives me nuts. I just say look you've got your passport, you've got your ticket, if you want to go through early that's fine but stop agitating at me.

ShakaWhenTheWallsFell · Yesterday 09:01

whereismyhisband · Yesterday 08:58

I don’t have empathy for stuff like this, it’s not hard!

Show quote history

You don't find it hard. Other people do find it hard.
You find empathy hard. Other people don't find it hard
We're all different

SJM1988 · Yesterday 09:01

She told you she was an anxious traveller, likely doesn't travel much if that is the case. I'd be a bit kinder to her, overacting and cancelling won't help at all.

I'm an anxious traveller, but in this case I would just meet you at the airport if you didn't want to travel earlier. Remind her you are at work, and that you will meet her at the agreed time or at the airport if she wishes to travel earlier.

Sassylovesbooks · Yesterday 09:02

I would text her to say 'Hi Laura. If you wish to go to the airport earlier that's entirely up to you. I will meet you at the airport at X time, as planned. I am going to have to turn my phone off until I finish work at midday, because I'm going into a meeting. See you later'.

I wouldn't cancel the entire trip because your friend is anxious travelling. A lot of people can be like this, it isn't unusual. I'd rather arrive earlier to an airport, than leaving it too close (although not as early as your friend!).