To call off girl’s holiday on the day?

[whereismyhisband]

I’m due to go on a girl’s holiday for a week with a friend, an all inclusive to Cape Verde.

This friend had warned me that she’s somewhat of an anxious traveller, but that it would be fine.

Our flight is at 4:45pm. Our airline has said be there a maximum of three hours early.

The airport is half an hour from my house and my job is 15 minutes in the other direction from my job.

I am working until 12, so that I only needed to take a half day of leave.

She has been texting me since 6am asking if I’m sure I want to work today, and asking if we should leave for the airport at 10! I can’t deal with this today, I have a lot to do before I finish at work and don’t see the need for it. I’ve never traveled with her before and to be honest if I’d known she was like this I’d not have booked it. AIBU to just not go?

My SIL is very anxious in the run up to things but lovely once they start. Tell her youee in meetings. Meet her at the airport.Her anxiety may well spiral the more you push back so do both of you a favour and disengage with a perfectly reasonable excuse of meetings and have a lovely time later.

I have full sympathy for those who are anxious. I get anxious about things too - everyone does! But I don't blow up my friends phones when they need to get to work.

Also, if you thought it was a good plan in the weeks leading up, but on the day of travel it no longer seems a good plan, then that is a surefire way to know it is your anxiety making you catastrophize.

The only way I have ever overcome my anxiety is to grit my teeth and get through it. Friend needs to take a step back, decide whether she wants to get herself to the airport early for her own peace of mind and stop badgering a friend who doesn't want to lose a half days wage.

3 hours early is objectively plenty of time for a long haul flight unless there is major airport disruption. I doubt they'd even let you through security 6 hours early. But it is down to the friend to sort this out herself, instead of dumping her anxiety on her friend.

Did you not know anything about this woman before you committed to a holiday with her? It's no good saying "she's an adult". That's not the point. You're friends with her for a reason.
She'll probably relax once you're on the plane. Don't ditch her.

She's making her anxiety your responsibility to manage

Exactly. It's something she needs to recognise and manage herself. Nobody can do that for her.

I had a friend pull out from a holiday just three days beforehand and it was rough. It was only a UK holiday but I had everything arranged around it including care for the cat and the fact we were taking the dog with us meant someone would have to be with me as I couldn't have gone on my own and left him in the car or in the accommodation as they don't allow dogs on their own in holiday rentals. Fortunately my sister was taking annual leave at the same time otherwise I would have had to just cancelled it.

I wouldn't call It off but I would be quite direct with her. I would message saying that you are sorry she is suffering with travel anxiety, but you travel regularly and you are 100% certain everything will be fine. Just relax and let me take the lead, or you are welcome to meet me there.

Please can you calm down with the messaging as I have a lot to do at work before I leave and I need to focus so I do not finish late.

Then finish kindly with a looking forward to this cant wait to see you later.

In fairness she would be doing my head in, but I would just kill it with kindness, she might just calm down a bit if she feels heard.

You both sounds like huge overreactors to be honest. My mum had a friend like this and she just calmly stuck to her guns whenever her friend started to spiral about airport timings etc, I think it was because the friend was solely relying on my mum to get them there and felt out of control which didn't help. My mum stopped travelling with her in the end though as it stopped being enjoyable.

Just message her once (nicely!) to say she's free to make her own way there if she wants to go that early, but if not you'll meet/pick up/whatever at the time you originally said.

Then go off to work and don't think any more of it.

Not sure why @whereismyhisband is getting a hard time - she is trying to work. She had arranged a meet time and has had 100 blooming texts already?

I too would be tempted to cancel as this may only be the tip of the iceberg in terms of this friend’s behaviour over the next week, but you have both paid your money and it may turn out okay once you are there.

I’d text that phone is going off now as you have to work or you will lose your job. You will see her at X time. And then block/mute her if necessary until you need to leave so that you can actually use your phone but without her interruptions.

There's probably stuff that makes you anxious or nervous that she would be fine with (maybe she's really patient towards people with irrational fears?).

Tbh I'm dreadfully bad about arriving places on time and even I don't think you will be at the airport at 1 o'clock if you finish work at 12, have 45 minutes driving and a shower. I realise you don't need to be there at 1.

Sorry but you are the one being unreasonable here. Cancelling on the day is so dramatic and unnecessary.

I’m pretty chill about travelling and don’t like to be at the airport unnecessarily early so I understand your point, but just tell her that. You don’t need to go at the same time, just meet her there.

You sound like quite an intolerant travel companion. Ignore all her flight anxiety, you've said you'll be there at X time and no earlier, that's fine. Mute her this morning and see her there. This really isn't a reason to cancel

She’s trying to work…while simultaneously moaning about her friend on MN. Mmhm.

F

Sorry but I think you both might have a tendency to overreact!

She started the thread BEFORE starting work… she starts work at 930 (it’s in her posts).

And OP is apparently one of them! I love how the 'no drama' people are often the biggest drama queens themselves.

I’ve travelled solo for work a lot but I still get anxious around airports and especially going through security etc to airside. I cope by getting there early, going through without hurrying and as calmly as I can. Then I find a coffee, a bottle of water and a quiet corner to settle down and read my book until the flight is called.
May sound ridiculous to some but it’s the best strategy I have found for me and means I get to the flight calm and chilled 🙂

Yeah, you’re a mean girl.

Over 100 messages already this morning isn't just a bit of anxiety, it is hysteria. It is not in any way reasonable or acceptable, no matter how important you think you and your anxiety are. Fuck that.

I get it but just mute her messages and enjoy your holiday. Maybe she won't turn up! Make sure you have headphones so you can ignore her on holiday if possible.

I'd message saying "My boss has gone mad because I've had so many messages and wants me to work later to make up the time. I'll meet you at the airport - I will be getting there at X pm." Then switch your phone off.

Mute her messages and get on with your morning.

She's being exceptionally annoying and absolutely ridiculous.

However, I also think it would be ridiculous of you to cancel. She'll probably be fine once you're in your hotel. Just send her one final message: "I've arrived at work now so I'm turning my phone off. I'll see you at the airport at 1." Then turn your phone off and proceed with your plans. Worst case scenario, she continues to be a pain on holiday and you suggest spending some days alone. If she'd really bad on holiday, it might be the end of the friendship, but it will definitely be the end of the friendship if you cancel today. At least if you go, you'll have plenty of anecdotes to laugh about for the next few years. And it might be fine! I don't know, I just can't imagine passing up the opportunity for a holiday in Cape Verde that's already bought and paid for...

That's quite the empathy bypass you've got.

You are completely lacking in any kind of empathy.

Message your annoying friend and tell her you are working and won't be able to read or reply to any messages until you finish at lunchtime. Also, tell her you will meet her at the airport if she needs to get there early.

You sound like a horrible travelling companion. I hesitate to use the word friend here because you are clearly anything but a friend.

You are being so incredibly unreasonable to even consider cancelling. What kind of nasty person does that?