To have made remarks about my friend’s dress

[ladieswholunch23]

Hi all. So, one of my friends is going to a wedding and she’s bought a dress which is…peculiar to say the least. So our group chat (roughly around 8 of us) we - obviously as to not hurt her feelings - we said we liked it as it had already been purchased.

However on our other group chat that she’s not on, we all gave our true thoughts that the dress is hideous and, at the very least, is not suitable for a wedding. Somehow my friend found out about this other group chat and the things we had been saying. Whilst obviously it wasn’t the intention to hurt her, she’s now saying we betrayed her and it has now caused a rift in the friend group. I love to death but she can be a real pain sometimes. AIBU?

Well at least one of you in the whatsapp group is her actual friend. If she has a good figure, classy hair do and some Jimmy choos that dress could look absolutely fabulous on someone over 40. Add in a a fascinator and she will be wedding ready!

Why was it set up excluding her…. Nasty!

Wow shes a friend and you have a privet group chat that shes not in so you can all slag her off.
None of you are real true friends are you.
I hope she finds out and sees you all for what you all are, and make better real grown up friends.

You are a bunch of awful people how would you feel op if it was you being slagged off.

Ive been where your friend is and i found out, i made better friends and the old ones tried to say how sorry they was bla bla bla, i said one line, you showed me who you really are.
That was that 16 years ago, the group fizzeled out in the end.
Im still friends with the ones i met.

Over the years ive had the odd message online from a few asking how are you want to met up sorry about what happene, all got blocked and no reply.
I dont have any accounts now.

Surely nobody who was this mean would actually write a thread about how bitchy they are?

Came back and bit you on the bum, lesson learnt, hopefully 😕

She's not being a pain. She's hurt that her friends have been bitching about her behind her back. And understandably so too. Why the actual fuck did you think it was OK to sit slating her in a group chat? What did you all get out of it?

Because this is a group of "friends" who need a scapegoat to cement their bond, it seems to me. No doubt they were all bullies at school as well.

Absolutely vile behaviour that adults are supposed to have grown out of.

You should be ashamed, OP, not boasting and trying to justify yourself on here.

That’s not my style but definitely a few women I know (in our 40s, the horror) could pull this off and look lovely.

but even if it was the nastiest dress in the world, you aren’t friends if you’re willing to encourage her to wear it despite thinking it’s dreadful, then tear her down in another group chat.

this is really unkind and I hope you never find out that there’s a third group chat without you, where you’re criticised and slagged off behind your back

That's what I thought! I sense a 2 faced snake in the camp!

Why have you excluded her from one of the group chats? That’s unbelievably nasty. You sound awful, all of you. Really bitchy.

I remember that and the dress was hideous!

Either:

someone who gets off on making her feel even worse in a "look, this is what everyone is saying about you, everyone hates you" kind of way

or

someone who thinks, "jeez, this lot are a bunch of cowbags, I'm not cool with this, she needs to know"

Stop digging a hole and start back filling, you are compounding the insult. Its not the dress that is the problem its your attitude,

You are all two faced. If you did not like the dress, button it or be discreetly honest, don't slag them off behind their back.

You all have some considerable apologising to do and I suggest you give a whole hearted apology asap and learn from it!

And you are not doing yourself any favours from comments like this. No, from the sounds of it its not an appropriate dress but there are tactful ways to say that to avoid embarrassment.

Why on earth did you all tell your friend the dress was lovely and wedding suitable? I understand you not wanting to hurt her feelings, but presumably she asked opinions or showed a picture of the dress she's planning on wearing. If it is that hideous, wouldn't it have been better to have gently told her??

To add insult to injury, you all then gossip behind her back about how awful the dress is, and how it's unsuitable to wear to a wedding!!!

It's not surprising she's feeling betrayed. Friends should be able to be honest with each other, so you all should have been able to politely tell her. If you had, and she'd taken no notice, then that's completely different.

We get it OP, FWIW I don't like the dress either. That doesn't change the fact that bitching about her behind her back in a separate group chat, was pretty shitty behaviour.

Or… hear me out… let’s not point and snigger when peoples back are turned (or at anytime for that matter) what a concept! I know I wouldn’t have the courage to wear something short at the time I was bigger (size 12) but I certainly didn’t snigger at those who did. I think we need to stop thinking in “what’s appropriate for people’s ages” period. Or commenting on people’s bodies.

You sound positively delightful as well.

"can't stop laughing at the dress" really? And the other comments? Yuk. Get over yourself.

Why do you have a whatts app group without her in. You are a C... of the highest order. I hope her friends see this and show her.

Whatever her taste in clothes she is a better person than you. Look in the mirror and see your ugliness. Horrible person.

What on earth has age got to do with that dress? I’d definitely wear that! You judgemental smallminded twit.

You are all terrible friends. You should be ashamed of yourselves. What are you, 13?

Honestly it isn't about the actual dress for me. It could have been a potato sack. You and your "nest of vipers" talking smack behind your friend's back is the issue here.

I really like the dress. I think it’s very cool for a wedding. You’d definitely see this kind of thing at a wedding these days.

I also think the dress is fine for a late 40’s woman to wear. It’s not that different to what fearne cotton or Amanda Holden wear.

it’s definitely not ‘inappropriate’. Inappropriate is turning up in a wedding dress or naked, not a normal polka dot mini dress.

Why do you have a WhatsApp group with all the same friends bar one?
You're bullies and I hope she finds a better group of friends.