AIBU to ask a friend’s guest not to join private breakfast?

[Ano1n]

Regular meet up on a weekend morning for coffee with a group of female friends - not a formal arrangement and anywhere between 5 - 10 of us.
End of last year one friend brought a former colleague with her - who is an utter boor who inserts, interrupts & talks over any conversation & added her to the group WhatsApp. This has changed the dynamics of the group & people privately message more rather than use the group message.
Yesterday morning I met another friend for breakfast & planned to join them for coffee after. Said person was early & went to plonk herself down when I stopped her by saying it was a private conversation & I would join them later. Cue a load of blustering, marching off & slamming down. Really couldn’t be arsed with it so we settled bill and left.
Last night the intro friend puts a message on the group how we are about women supporting women & bullying won’t be tolerated!!!
Have responded back a few times (not actually sent) as the theme is fluff off but am I in the wrong here? Is asking her to leave bullying or is she rude for plonking herself uninvited?

I think when someone uses the word plonk, it means they hate them.

Why should op make her self have to change venues to avoid the Boor deciding she wants to force herself on people?

Yes - this is what I don't understand.

Are their two uninvited guests/"friends" or just one?

If there are two, which is which?

And why arrange to meet a friend for breakfast at the meeting venue, and then tell her she has to leave!?!?!?

If you’re going to a venue to meet someone there and they are already there, it would be pretty bloody odd of you to sit somewhere else!

I get that it's annoying when a boorish person joins an established group and tends to dominate the conversations.

But I think what you said, unless it was with a polite apologetic tone was quite rude and nasty. I've been in the position of being the person who went to greet people I knew and been quite bluntly "sent away". It's mortifying. If your conversation is that private, you should be having it in a private place.

How do the other people in the group feel about her?

It’s infuriating and upsetting, but you may need to leave the group if it’s just you who doesn’t like her.

I think your attitude was a bit harsh frankly and bordering on rude especially if you were all meeting at the same place.

If others have an issue with this woman then you should agree to tell the intro friend that she was in the wrong for bringing her into the group. If you're the only one with the problem though, you're going to have to deal with it.

She was invited though. She just arrived a bit early and assumed it was the group meet up.

I’m confused. The friend you met for breakfast, are they part of the group? If so, surely it would be weird any other group member arriving sat elsewhere?

She wasn't though. The group were meeting there. The OP was part of that group.

Your choice to have a private breakfast at the location of the group breakfast is bonkers. She, reasonably, came to join you and you were unkind. Okay you don’t like her but you made her feel bad because you’d got a plan that she wasn’t aware of and unknowingly interrupted. Then you didn’t go and see the group despite saying you would.

the only reply can be “I’m so sorry there was a miscommunication yesterday and I confused things by meeting ‘Jane’ first for a private catch up before the group breakfast. It was a bit of a sensitive conversation but I didn’t mean to cause upset or for anyone to feel bullied. I was juggling meet ups and it didn’t quite work out. I won’t do that again.”

From your description I presume she thought you were early too and came over to join you.
Turning her away ,even if you did it politely which seems to be doubt , was pretty rude and hurtful. You need to have your private conversations somewhere you will not be interrupted. The fact that you dislike her is actually irrelevant to the incident ,although it probably had an effect on your behaviour. Would you have sent another friend you liked away ?

If I had arranged to meet some friends at a group meet up and some of that group were already there when I arrived of course I'd go and sit with them.Why wouldn't you?

How are you getting to that conclusion?

No they aren't part of the group but the woman who OP doesn't like probably assumed she would be that day so tried to join them.

I think it may have seemed rude if you were around the meeting time and two people whom she was expecting to meet.

the handful of my groups where one woman took against another for whatever reason ended up faltering and petering out in the end. I suspect yours may go the same way.

I think you'll be getting dropped from these coffee meet ups , you've made yourself look a right twunt.

Met different friend who doesn’t know group for breakfast about an hour earlier and we were clearly sat there with a meal. I had back to door / counter and didn’t see her come in & she was maybe 20 minutes early - everyone else turned up around 10am

Seething with jealousy- er no
The only person to dislike her - er no, group chat has definitely dropped off since her introduction

Abrupt tone - possibly- but I think there is a big difference between being abrupt and being a bully which is what I am not happy about

I think some people are mis-reading this.

The coffee group meet at say 10am for coffee.

The OP had arranged to meet another friend for breakfast at the same place at 9am so they could have a private chat before the coffee group.

The other person then turns up to coffee group early, spots the OP and joins them without asking if its OK.

The OP politely told them they were having a private chat but would join her and the others for coffee later.

This woman then takes offence to this and is now making accusations of bullying which seems rather unfair.

@Ano1n next time choose a different cafe for a private meeting!

Were you having a private conversation or do you just not like her ? Did your breakfast friend know the interloper? I suspect the lady turned up and saw you and assumed that you were the starting point of the coffee meeting. It’s not an unreasonable thought.

But the OP was part of the group so of course the person the OP doesn't like would assume she could join them. I would have.

This is why I hate groups of women- such absolute childish hysterical garbage

Did you join the others then or just leave?

Why didn’t you go somewhere else to meet your separate friend, is there no other cafes nearby?

you are making your life a bit difficult and this woman seems to have really triggered you to behave this way, so you will have to figure out why. Good luck.

20 minutes early isn't unreasonable and if the group fluctuates in numbers as you say, then not unreasonable she thought this was just part of the main meet-up.

You were being very silly to have a pre-meeting in the same place. If you were still sitting there (not sat there, the word is sitting) eating 20 mins before the main meet-up started you were either inviting your other friend to join or were going to kick her out abruptly. Neither of which are particularly polite either.

Yes that makes sense.