AIBU to ask a friend’s guest not to join private breakfast?

[Ano1n]

Regular meet up on a weekend morning for coffee with a group of female friends - not a formal arrangement and anywhere between 5 - 10 of us.
End of last year one friend brought a former colleague with her - who is an utter boor who inserts, interrupts & talks over any conversation & added her to the group WhatsApp. This has changed the dynamics of the group & people privately message more rather than use the group message.
Yesterday morning I met another friend for breakfast & planned to join them for coffee after. Said person was early & went to plonk herself down when I stopped her by saying it was a private conversation & I would join them later. Cue a load of blustering, marching off & slamming down. Really couldn’t be arsed with it so we settled bill and left.
Last night the intro friend puts a message on the group how we are about women supporting women & bullying won’t be tolerated!!!
Have responded back a few times (not actually sent) as the theme is fluff off but am I in the wrong here? Is asking her to leave bullying or is she rude for plonking herself uninvited?

How ridiculous, the woman was literally there to meet OP, at that place, at that time.. she was just early, and obviously assumed OP was too. The fact that another woman was there is a bit of a red herring, OP said it's a group of 5-10 women, so chances are this woman hasn't met them all.

OP was unhinged to set up this awkward overlap, then flounce off after that interaction, which was a problem of her own making in the first place.. why not put something on the group chat to say she would be there early with someone else and she'd join them later?? Any of the women arriving early would probably approach them! Bet they wouldn't have been given the same treatment.

Well yes if that person is sat at a 2 person table with someone I dint know.
Clearly, she wasn’t just waiting for everyone else to arrive.

If she had been sat at a bigger table fur the 5~10 of them, then it would have been different.

Sorry catching up …
All a bit of a shit show - known each other for a few years & whilst some are closer than others it’s never ended up on a group chat! Don’t thinks it’s been well received more WTAF - have archived / muted chat as not getting drawn in.
Bully comment has been deleted - poster accepts that she was told a more dramatic version of events & I have said will leave it a few weeks. Still seeing closer friends but would have done that anyway just not in that group setting
I won’t be apologising for being abrupt after her shit stirring behaviour

Why would someone add their friend to a group chat without asking anyone's opinion? Presumably there are things that no one wants to discuss in front of a stranger. I'm not sure that the other member was bullying, but it's definitely overreaching and entitled behavior.

You weren’t just abrupt you were extremely rude to her.

Pot and kettle really do apply here.

Yeah you're not nice . Did you feel big and clever humiliating and embarrassing the person ?

Not everyone would agree with you. I hope I'd have the tact to realize it might be a private conversation and to sit down at another table and wait to be asked to join.

You may not have intended to bully her but she may have felt bullied . I think I'd of felt belittled ,embarrassed and unwelcome . It's just not ok op . Would you like to be spoken to in that way in front of another and was it nessarcary to speak to her in that time did u just not care asking as your voice was heard .

I think you’ve created an awkward situation here. She was supposed to meet you and others in this cafe, so the logical thing was to sit down at your table once she arrived and saw you. She wouldn’t have considered the option that this was a pre-meeting, you just don’t go through all possibilities, you see the person you’re supposed to meet and sit down without second thoughts. Her bullying statement was the reaction to her feeling humiliated in this situation, which is somehow understandable.

To add context - I caught up with friend for breakfast after a gym class & the conversation was private & not something that she would have talked about in front of someone she didn’t know and she was going straight home.

And you didn't think, hmm, I'm meeting 10 people in the exact same place shortly, and one or more might be early and come over to sit with us? You should have told your private friend that, and then either forewarned her that others would be arriving or actually gone somewhere you wouldn't be interrupted.

Still interested in whether, if the early bird from the coffee group had been someone you liked more, you'd have pulled the "you can't sit with us" move.

*bore

She interups and talks over conversations, but you are domineering and controlling, so swings and round abouts.

I don’t think your brain would compute that a woman (that’s you’re unaware dislikes you) from the group that you’ve arranged to meet very shortly is actually there having a private conversation with someone else and that you should approach with extreme caution 😂

You sound very controlling and like a mean girl.

Can't you kick boor out of what's app group and never deal with her again?

ok so she’s irritating and maybe shouldn’t band ‘bully’ that still stands but also you need to take responsibility for your awful lack of manners and humility whether you like this person or not, what you did was rude and could have been easily avoided. ‘Oh sorry irritating friend, we’re just in the middle of a private chat right now, will catch up with you in a little while’ with a genuine smile on your face
seriously, all of you need to grow up by the sounds of it

So this poor woman was due to meet you, and a varying group of others, at this location. She turned up slightly early, and saw that you were also there a bit early, along with a mate. Perfectly reasonable for her to assume that your presence at the designated meeting spot, only shortly before the designated time, was for the sodding meeting. It would have looked weird as fuck for her not to join you. And then you were abrupt (aka sodding rude) to her, then flounced off. Not surprised that she felt she was being bullied. I suspect you let your dislike show.

Not sure why people are finding this so complicated. You are not being unreasonable, you didn’t want her joining your breakfast with a friend. If you had let her join and then been annoyed afterwards, everyone would have berated you for not standing up for yourself.

If you’ve arranged to meet up with friends for coffee, you turn up early and see one of the friends already there sat down surely you’d just assume they were also early? You wouldn’t go and sit at the other end of the cafe by yourself without saying anything whilst one of the people you’re meeting are sat there. You were rude, maybe friend didn’t realise you were having a private chat

This, the whiney woman sounds a professional victim… who is revelling in the fact that she can Wendy you and sob about how hurt she is.
Those who are in the WA group who’ve got sucked into her sob story of vilifying you can sod off and wait for her to do the same to them.

That’s not what happened.

The OP was with an entirely different friend, who is not part of the coffee group.

And the OP explained that they were having a private conversation and would join other friend as arranged later (I.e at the agreed time )

I really disagree with the posters who would plonk down next to op who is there 20 minutes early and deep in conversation with someone who is not in the established group, surely that’s really awkward and odd?! Lacks emotional intelligence.

so weird. men definitely don't indulge in this petty nastiness.

how private a conversation do you have in a cafe anyway?

OP dislikes this person because they are both quite similar I think

I think the fact that this woman has gone crying to your friend and given her a distorted version tells you you are right to be wary of her. However, I would be pretty furious with my so-called “friend” too, dropping verbal hand grenades into the group chat rather than just speaking to you directly. The “will not be tolerated” comment would make me want to remind her she is neither my boss nor my headmistress.

While it was daft to have a private conversation in the exact place you were meant to be meeting the wider group minutes later - the mistake was bound to happen - it was ultimately a misunderstanding. If it’s brought up again in the group chat, I’d say as much - and I might throw in a pointed “Please feel to ask me directly if it’s not clear”.

But bear in mind this woman is an interloper. She probably thinks it’s standard practice to bring new people along without mentioning it.

You were completely within your right to highlight it was a private conversation and to want to continue said conversation without her in it.

However, you really aren’t coming across well at all. The way you speak about her is where I would have an issue. You clearly don’t like this woman, for what reason I don’t know. If she’s truely boring is it really that big of a drama, just be courteous and get on with your life. You sound like you’re in high school.