“Hurry up” just before sex

[Uglymug2]

I’ve been feeling disgusting recently, I don’t know what it is. I’ve always been slim but recently I’ve been feeling wobbly and just not attractive at all. I’ve voiced this to my DH (of 4 years) who’s told me I’ve not put on weight or anything.

Sex has been a big part of our relationship but I feel like it’s dwindling. We used to have sex daily but now it’s about twice a week, which is fine. I’d like more but don’t want to pressure him.

DH has an addiction to weed and constantly needs it to function. He will smoke at night and spend hours in the garden doing so.

Anyway tonight when we were cuddling on the couch I started kissing him and touching his clothes. He said “hurry up then I need to go to the shop” (I’m not stupid, the “shop” is outside for a spliff or 3). he took his clothes off and just kind of sat there. I said I didn’t feel in the mood now.

he’s in the garden smoking and I’m just sitting here feeling like an idiot. I’m only 30 but feel so undesirable and like I’m throwing myself at my own husband.

husband said I’m overreacting - am I ? Would anyone else be upset with this comment?

Yes, I’d be upset too. But as you admitted he has an addiction, you and your feelings won’t be his priority.

If I were in your shoes I’d be thinking if this was worth it. It’s not really going to change, and if you want your own family, I’d seriously consider leaving the marriage.

You’re not the undesirable one in this situation. He sounds fucking grim, sorry.

I couldn’t respect or feel any attraction to a grown man who’s addicted to weed 🤢.

Please don’t waste the best years of your one precious life on this loser.

I couldnt be with somebody who smoked weed. He sounds awful.

Why do you put up with the weed smoking? He sounds like a complete loser, how are you even attracted to that?

I really don't like the weed addiction be it big or small, to be honest even just 1 a year would be excessive in my book. I'd file for divorce op, he sounds horrible and you can do better.

Time to call it a day.

Ugh. You deserve better OP.

It’s probably the old classic we see on mumsnet every day now: any man is better than no man. It’s honestly getting worse.

Can’t imagine the financial cost either , sorry op

If you explained to your ten year old self that he's your now husband I think she would be very very disappointed.

Competing with an addiction is always going to make you feel like shit.

I think the fact that this is what you're worrying about, not the fact that you're married to a guy who is a walking ick is quite concerning.

You feel undesirable in this marriage? You?!

I'd worry less about sex and more about getting some help with your self esteem.

This has just made me feel really rubbish for you op.
This isn't going to be a good life for you. Xx

Did you meet him as a weed smoker? The real question you need to ask yourself is this what you want? A weed smoker and around any future kids?

Yuck. I couldn’t be with a loser like this. Weed is a passion killer. You deserve better.

You are 30 and married to an addict. He made you feel like crap because his need for his next fix was more important.

Please don't let yourself waste more time with this guy. You are worth more.

Dont have dc with him.

it's very normal for the need to have sex to wane after four years in a relationship, you shouldn't base how you feel about yourself on this, your husband's sex drive is not about how attractive you are, especially if he's addicted to weed.

It sounds like your sex drives are imbalanced and it's not fair to expect him to stand to attention and perform at your command in order to make you feel better - what about how he's feeling?

you either come to some sort of compromise or end the relationship. Either way I don't think it's just the weed to blame and I don't think your sex life should be so linked to your self esteem.

He didn’t smoke weed when I met him. He said he did but he hid it but I think that’s a lie. His brother came back from travelling and they started smoking it.

the Comment was like a punch in the gut. I felt like a weirdo.

No way could I be attracted to a stoner who makes weed his priority! Grim!

Its just desperate and embarrassing I don't understand women like this

Being in a relationship to someone who is addicted to anything is not the best thing for anyone.

You would probably feel differently if he was an alcoholic because people are more willing to condemn alcoholics whereas people seem to think smoking weed is not an issue. People are quick to defend it.

I think you should leave him, you are so young. This shouldn’t be how you feel four years in to a marriage. If he decides he wants you back he can stop smoking weed and you might be available for a relationship or you might not be.

This. Honestly, how can you possibly see a future with a man like this?

Does he work or do you pay for everything and also do everything for him. People who smoke weed regularly are not known for their motivation

I don’t expect him to. It’s the “hurry up”